Children moving back home..

debsthe1

Advice needed here please.. My Daughter (age 22) is moving back home after renting an apartment with BF. We are pretty hard up (isn't everyone??) and will be asking her for board etc . My OH wants to ask for £280 pm -he also says we shouldn't make it too easy/cushy for her and this should cover food, electric etc. She has a reasonable job £16k, but has struggled recently with all the bills etc of renting. Should we ask her for less or is this reasonable?

Help!!

clairec79

That seems fair enough, if you want to compromise with each other take that much off her and put some to one side to give back to her as a deposit when she moves back out

whitewing

I agree with Claire, but if you do set some aside, I wouldn't actually say that to her. (Not to be deceitful, but it's not teaching her to budget if you are a savings bank for her. I would just set it aside to set it aside). I would also be careful not to start relying on the rental money, or it may cause problems if she decides to house share etc.

We have MIL living with us. Haven't decided on rent yet (min £50pw), and will be using it for mortgage overpymnts. If she does find somewhere else, then the overpymnts will just stop, and there won't be problems to us.

debs66_2

Hi, i went 2 ways after reading your post. on the one hand £65 per week (average) doesn't seem bad for a roof over your head, food and all utilities, especially if you're earning £16k a year.

however... will it actually cost you this amount to keep her in the house??

the reason i ask is that once a twentysomething leaves home, they do not normally want to take a step back to move in with the folks. they have had their own place to come and go as they please, eat/do what they want, when they want etc. she might not say it, but she will probably want to leave again once she is back as a 'chiild' under the parents roof.

if you take so much from her that she cannot save to leave, then she will be there longer - and do you really want the kids back after getting used to not feeding/watering them for years?

on the other hand, if she fritters money away, then she needs to pay a fair amount for her lodging.

sorry it was double-barrelled. it's a bit tough when it's your daughter. when do we ever let go and let them get on with it??

Debs

flutterbyuk25

I moved back with parents after splitting from ex partner in 2004 (and am still living at home!!). I earn about the same as your daughter and pay £220/month rent. I also wanted internet access, which my parents didn't have at the time, so I pay for that myself £15/month and I always ring home when I'm at the supermarket to see if anything is needed, and I pay for that too.

If she has no other major bills to pay each month and is not in major debt then i would say that figure is perfectly fine.

I would advise that you make it clear from the beginning that you will need rent from her (say from 1st pay packet after moving in). That way she has no excuse to say she is skint or was unsure when you wanted the money. I pay mine by standing order on 1st of month.

hope that helps

x

Oldernotwiser

Although I think that this is a reasonable sum, you could consider taking a bit less but getting your daughter to pay a third of the utility bills as they come in. This would help her to develop budgeting skills and prepare her for a move into a shared house. Don't take less from her because of any debts as the reality will be that you are paying them for her.

anguk

My son moved back home when he changed jobs, when he came back we didn't actually charge him any board but instead he paid the phone bill, I also just continued to get our normal weekly shop and he bought anything extra that he needed. We did discuss him paying board but we knew that he wanted to find his own place and would need to save up some money for that.

I suppose it's a case of finding a balance, they do have to pay their own way but if you take too much off them they may find it hard to save up enough to move out.

DaisyFlower

I personally think its a little high, I cant imagine it will cost that much extra - you would be using gas/electric anyway so its only food and possibly extra on the phone bill if she doesnt have a mobile.

raq

Sorry folks I too think it's a little high.

My brother is only paying £45.00 a week all bills/foods included and he's way over 40 years old

Pitlanepiglet

raq wrote: »

Sorry folks I too think it's a little high.

My brother is only paying £45.00 a week all bills/foods included and he's way over 40 years old

Maybe that's why he's still there! £180 a month for board and lodging! Have they got room for me too :rotfl:

Back to the OP it sounds a reasonable amount to me, you might want to look at the cost of renting a room where you are to get a feel for what rents are? I don't think it helps kids to think that they can live for cheap, you don't want her back as a child and she won't want to be back on that basis. I'd want to treat it more as a houseshare and she ought to pay the going rent.

However...I also like the idea of putting some aside if you can to make sure she does go at some point in the future!

seven-day-weekend

I think the amount sounds fair and when WE move back home (not the kids!) we will expect our son to pay us around £200 a month. (At the moment he house-shares the house with two other young men as we live in Spain. We don't charge him rent at the moment as he acts as our agent for the lodgers and pays some of the bills).