Those with 3 or more kids

rippedoff3

Hi

I have 3 kids, age 10,nearly 8 and 20 months. In a bit of a dilema really, number 3 wasn't planned and so we have a big age gap, i am worried that as my elder two grow up the age gap will really notice and my youngest will feel left out and lonely. Although they don't get on well being a boy and girl and very different they are company for each other i am thinking that we ought to have another for the youngest one ,kind of round things off. However...

DH is not keen, says they are too expensive and wants baby days behind him.Not to mention needing a bigger car! Someone would have to share so if its a boy there would be at least 9 years between them so sharing would be hard for them.

Has anyone else found themselves in this situation, and how did you cope with another, financially i guess its the car, and house if we were to move to a five bed!!! If you did stop at 3, how does the youngest feel?

Would be intesrested in peoples opinions please

Thanks

Shelley;)

DaisyFlower

I personally wouldnt have more children just for the sake that one may feel left out. Its not really a good enough reason to bring a child into the world. Even having two together does not necesarily mean they will get on anyway.

I am an older sister and there are times I did my own thing and times I shared with my younger sister. However we both had our own friends and school buddies so it didnt really matter.

I only have the one DS and that is all we ever planned. I dont feel the need to have another just so he has a playmate. He has cousins and friends at school so he's not lonely but he's also fine in his own company as well.

lisndai

Hi there ,
Cant really comment just yet but i am in the same position as you , in that i have a 16 year old an 11 year old a nearly 8 year old and ive just had a little girl who is 8 weeks personally i wouldnt have anymore plus the fact i was sterilised the same time as having my last......just to make sure...lol

Lisa

Surfbabe

There is an 11 year gap between me and my sister and we get on just fine - it was difficult sometimes growing up and she had things a lot easier than me; we used to fight like cat and dog but are best of friends now. Don;t have another one just to even the numbers up !!!!

RedBern

We've got 4 - 22 months between first two, then a gap of 3 years ... and then a gap of 5 years to the 'baby' who's now 14. The 'big 3' all got along fine (as fine as siblings can) and are close now... they tease 'the baby' mercilessly when they are all together and he idolises his 2 brothers (and tolerates his sister;)). I'd say 3 is always an odd number - there's always 2 that are close and one left out - although the left out one usually changes regularly - but that isn't a good enough reason to have another. You could try for a fourth and have twins:eek: and you'd still have an odd number!!:rotfl:

benood

We've got 4, 7,5,3 and 4 months. I reckon it's a very personal decision, my OH was v keen to have an even number certainly our 7 and 5 yr old are really good friends and we see a risk of the 3 yr old being left out. But tbh you can worry about boys not getting on with girls, 3 or 4, a myriad of things - they'll work out their own dynamic however many you have.

One thing to say is the 4th is definitely the easiest!

mspig

we have 3 children with a six year gap between the middle and the eldest and an 8 year gap between the youngest and the eldest, they all get on fine (some of the time) and wind each other up the rest of the time.

The youngest does seem to get left out alot but my middle child is autistic and he idolises his big brother much to the annoyance of his big brother somedays.

i'm also from a big gap family 11years between mean and the eldest 8 between me and my middle sister. we didn't get on that great as kids but we do now.

As for child number 4 i'm in the same boat as i'd like another but DH doesn't want anymore at the moment. hes worried that we'd end up with another autistic child or like said above twins as my sister has twins.

I'd say if you really want another child then you need to talk to your husband about it. If you only want another for your youngest child to get along with then i'd say it wouldn't be fair on the baby to be born if it was only for a purpose of not making your youngest lonely

*Louise*

My lot are 8, 2 and 8months (2DSs & DD is youngest) The first gap wasn't meant to be as big, but that's just the way things happened...


Tbh, I never thought about age gaps, or how they would get on at all, and I wouldn't worry about one being left out (that's what friends are for - and you can send them home at the end of the day!);)

Kids close in age are more likely to argue and compete for attention anyway imo (I'm the eldest of 4)

OH certainly wouldn't want any more - I think it would cross the line between being comfortable and struggling for money.

Anniek1969

I've got 3 DD's the eldest will be 15 next week, the middle is 13 in July and my little one just turned 5. I felt the same as you at first as my eldest 2 were and still are quite close so I didn't want my youngest to feel left out.

DH wasn't so keen on having any more and again the issues were car size and house size. We have 3 bedrooms so if we had a boy it would have been fine for the first few years but then it would cause problems when they were older as it would mean that the 3 girls would have to share.

I don't think she feels left out or lonely because her big sisters adore her although her and my middle daughter share a room and do have their moments. Now that she's starting school in August I don't really want to go back to nappies and bottles and i'm quite looking forward to having more time to myself and in some way's i'm glad I stuck to three as i'm now begining to think about my life and what I want for the future for myself.

On the other hand if you and your OH both want to have another child then go for it, if i'd had my little one a few years earlier then I think I might have had another but feel i'm getting too old now anyway (nearly 39).

anonymousie

RedBern wrote: »

We've got 4 - 22 months between first two, then a gap of 3 years ... and then a gap of 5 years to the 'baby' who's now 14. The 'big 3' all got along fine (as fine as siblings can) and are close now... they tease 'the baby' mercilessly when they are all together and he idolises his 2 brothers (and tolerates his sister;)). I'd say 3 is always an odd number - there's always 2 that are close and one left out - although the left out one usually changes regularly - but that isn't a good enough reason to have another. You could try for a fourth and have twins:eek: and you'd still have an odd number!!:rotfl:

We have 3 and, so far (14,12 and 8 at the moment), they get on as well as you can expect. we have never had the "one left out" thing going- they mix and match in various combos depending on what they are doing. They cope fine on holiday without friends/entertainment (we have camped quite a bit, so often it is just them as a 3 some poking in the puddles and building dens).

We do "train" them to share a room though, even though they are mixed sexes/ages (I can hear the groans from here!!). They shared a room together till eldest was 7 or 8. They can settle together ina tent or on holiday- it would be a real pain and expense if they "needed" 2 or 3 rooms on hols. If we have 2 rooms that is great and infect the elder 2 (Girl and boy) will share and let the youngest girl have her own room, as she wakes early and they keep "teen" hours!!

My youngest doesn't mind being the "baby" but actually isn't- she really strives to be like the big ones-developmentally and behaviourally she is much "older" than her peers- partly due to having bigger siblings, but she also has a medical thing going on so she is ahead of things.

As for allowing them independence etc we take that at their pace- DS (middle one) has actually done things "before" his sisters in that way eg walking home from school etc, just because he was ready to do it before them

Mrs7ones

I have a DS 16, DD 10 and DS6. So there's 10 years between my 2 DSs, and they get on like a house on fire....... DS1 spends loads of time with DS2, on the xbox etc, and playing board games..... and even though we have a 4 bed house, the 2 boys chose to share a bedroom :eek::eek:. (admittedly there was a bit of scheming behind the decision - they turned the other bedroom into a 'den' for the TV and games consoles etc:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:)

As for DD, if anything, she's the one that gets left out cos basically, the boys hate her:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:.... (you can't win em all eh??)