Depression Support Thread

Tiff_2

Hi dawny!:hello:
How's you hun? Sorry it's taken me so long to get back to you angel but I was down in the Tiff archives and Someone (!) turned the lights out! Accordingly, I'd like to know the whereabouts of sazzy, miro, ethel and gilly at about 11a.m. yesterday please!

I'm so pleased that you can open up here angel - it's not an easy thing to do. I've juggled your post around dawny so that the work bits are all together, and the med bits are all together, etc: it helps me think straight in my old age. Good luck with making any kind of sense with my reply! Here we go hunnie...

WORK

dawny wrote:

Originally Posted by Tiff
Okay hun, firstly - you have achieved a lot by returning to work when you've been so poorly and even managing to update your training. To do that with a team of strangers was a big challenge on it's own. That's a positive and something to feel proud of achieving.

I achieved this because I had no choice. I had to go back as my sick pay ran out and my insurance wouldn't cover me. I'm so mad at this as well. I pay monthly for this insurance (it's mandatory and I cannot cancel) and it should cover 75% of my wage for up to 5 years if I am ill. Granted it is a small amount that I pay but why pay for something that refuses to help me when I need it the most??

I haven't deleted my post here because I stand by what I said hunnie. I remember how very hard it was for you when you were about to return to work dawny and I thought, as you did, at the time, that you weren't ready yet. Whether you had a choice or not, whether willingly or not dawny, you still achieved! As for your insurance hun, I don't know what the terms are so I can't suggest anything atm. Some plans will only cover certain illnesses for so long. If you want to explore this further angel, check out the terms for mental ill health on your plan and let me know. Also MSE Martin has an article about medical insurance - here's the link for that:

http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/insurance/cheap-health-insurance
Take it from someone else who's been there angel - not all achievements give you an immediate payback of positive feeling. When we're really poorly, they don't feel like achievements and can almost feel like it's something we're bullied into doing. And being honest, managing anything when we're really ill, is a mountain and not a molehill. Achievements imply a positive feeling afterwards, but that can be a long time coming sometimes. It's such a struggle to do and we need a bit of recovery time between each step, just so we can pause, get our breath back and find our bearings before we move onto the next baby step. And there's no rule as to how long each step takes to make us feel better either. It takes as long as it takes hun, but one day you will turn round and see just how far you've come and you'll feel proud.

dawny wrote:

Yes they have been kind enough to support me having a 9-5 mon-fri shift.

dawny wrote:

I think some people don't like this much though which causes a little bit of friction maybe? However yesterday someone from workforce management approached me and asked if I had changed my shift as I was down to work 1-9 and had come in an 9. I paniced and immediately said 'no - but if you were putting me back on my shifts then surely you would have given me some notice?' She told me to speak to my supervisor. When I spoke to her she said it must be a mistake on workforces behalf as me going back on my rotation had not been mentioned and not to worry about it. Phew. I know I have to go back on them at some point, but I can't handle a sudden change like that!

We are very sensitive to our surroundings and I know you must feel really uncomfortable dawny. I'm glad yesterday's fiasco was sorted out. If you weren't working the 9-5, Mon-Fri, someone else would be doing it hunnie. What kind of work is it dawny and how long have you been there? You don't necessarily have to go back to the night shift hun. If you talk to your drs and they agree that shift work would be bad for you, they can give you a letter for Personnel to say just that. Then that should mean that they have to take this into account and hopefully leave you on permanent days. This has happened in places where there's been a rolling night shift and the people were allowed to stay on days.

dawny wrote:

It's just the same person asking what time I finish most days when she knows fine well about my situation.

dawny wrote:

And then saying things like 'you must prefer working 9-5 though do you?' which makes me feel crap. Of course I am preferring it - some nights I have to be in bed by half eight I physically don't feel I can work a later shift at the moment. What does she want me to say??

The only people you have to explain yourself to is your managers, hunnie. I don't know what role this person has, but she needs to tiff off and leave you alone. Make your manager aware that these questions/comments affect you and you want them to stop. Actually, it could be seen as a form of harassment. I think it would be a very good idea to start writing down who says what to you and when, because you may end up having a case for constructive dismissal. This is where your work makes things so impossible for you to stay there and you resign, losing out on benefits etc. That might be taken to a tribunal, so it's worth doing just in case. Just so you know, your managers have no right to tell anyone of your situation hunnie and it's entirely up to you as to how much you tell your colleagues.

dawny wrote:

Originally Posted by Tiff
- You aren't ready to be back at work, especially in such a high-pressure environment.

I definately don't feel ready. Some days are fine, but others I spend most of the day in tears at my desk. But as I said I have no option. I'm not sure about this. Like I said earlier some days are fine. But possibly I guess. Especially with trying to hit all of my targets, remain compliant and now having to try and sound upbeat on my calls too. :rolleyes:

Probably because I don't want to look like I am taking the !!!!. I want work to know I am trying. [/quote]

Even people with mental ill health have good days hunnie. There is obviously something amiss if you're sat at your desk crying so much. There are always options angel, honestly. They may not be ones we want to take initially, but sometimes they turn out better for us in the long run.
For example, from the age of 16 years old, I had never not worked until I became ill. After the things I went through, the thoughts of who was going to pay the bills etc, especially as a now divorced parent, stopped me from taking care of myself. Now you can add 1 nervous breakdown to the recipe and the decision was taken out of my hands - I wasn't well enough to work even if I wanted to. I felt so low because I had to go on benefits. I'm still not working and I've had to adapt my thinking and re-evaluate the importance of things in my life, mindful of the effect they can have on me. In a way, that breakdown saved me because I'd still be chasing my own tail now and there'd be no peace of mind. Bills, debts etc. can all be negotiated angel. I guess what I'm trying to say is that sometimes we have to know when to slow down a bit, or even stop for a while.
Your employers can see how hard you're trying hunnie. I know you have high targets and an upbeat role to play hun, but please make sure that it's not you that's putting yourself under extra pressure. It sounds like you're trying to prove yourself so much, that you could be putting yourself under too much stress and, stating the tiffin' obvious,:rolleyes:, that's not good for you angel.

dawny wrote:

Originally Posted by Tiff
- You struggle with asking for help and don't want to admit you're not coping at work. After all, you did this job before right? So you should be able to do this with your eyes shut, shouldn't you? WRONG! You've got a real illness hun and whatever that is, (physical or mental), and whoever gets something like that, their lives are affected by it.
Yes. I don't like to ask for help at all. I don't know why. And yes I feel I should be able to do this job pretty well. Afterall I have been there for over 5 years!

Again I've left my original comment here and that's because many people feel this way dawny. I used to do this, I could do that - they're phrases which can torment us.

I want to give you another perspective to this hun: you are not the same person you were 5 years ago. You became quite ill, didn't you? But hunnie, none of us are the same people we were when we became ill. Indeed, we all change through life, mental ill health or not. Although it's not a nice to think of it, try and look back and see if you can remember just what the factors were that contributed towards your illness angel. Going back to exactly the same kind of life we had before we were ill, might put us back where we were with our illness. Tiffy now is not the same Tiffy she was when she became ill. I've had to accept that and that's not easy either. In fact, I'm still working on it! Hands up if that made sense to anyone?! (No, I thought not!)
It doesn't make you a worse person, or worth any less, if you need time to step back. Now, I'm not saying you should resign hun, or make any sudden decisions, but maybe you could re-negotiate to a part time position for a while if it all gets too much, for example. There's nothing wrong with saying, ''I'm struggling a bit here.'' We are all individuals and need a variety of options. Only you will know what's going to be best for you - just give yourself permission to look at all the options angel, is what I'm trying to say.

OH!

dawny wrote:

I love him with all of my heart, but he deserves better than to have to put up with all of this.

It's so obvious that you love him angel. But the second half of your sentence puts yourself down even more. Let him be the judge of what he deserves and wants to 'put up with', as you say. My guess would be that he'd be long gone by now if he didn't love you. Don't turn his love away sweetie - it's a precious gift he's giving to you unconditionally. You're a kind soul and you deserve your happiness hun.



Your humble opinion means a lot to me huni - it sometimes opens my eyes to things I'm not really that aware of.
Oh hunnie, what a lovely thing to say - especially as you've known me for quite a while on the thread! I don't like to say honest opinion, although it is, because sometimes that can seem like force-feeding your opinion to someone. Thank you angel.

Part 2 coming... xxx

Tiff_2

Hi dawny!:hello:
Here's part 2 hunnie.

MEDS.

dawny wrote:

Originally Posted by Tiff
Again, we should never stop medication without supervision. I recently had to go on a decrease cycle of a med and I did decide myself to do it slower than the dr had suggested - but I did it with my cpn's...

I know. But I felt that they must not have been helping me. I thought if I was in such a mess while taking them, then surely I would be better if I wasn't taking them??? And there was only one way to find out. Baring in mind that I couldn't go on sitting at work sobbing like a baby (and my customers can probably tell that I'm stifling tears a lot of the time when I am taking calls!!) So I had to try. I think. I didn't know what else I could do?I just want to be able to get on with my life, but I am so confused. Some days I feel fine and even cheerful....but even those days I feel a bit afraid to go with the flow as I am waiting for the 'drop'.
I'm not having a go at you angel - I really hope you don't feel that. After all, I'm just a Tiff with some time on her hands. I'm no professional and I can completely understand how you felt and everything you said here dawny. I'm glad you're having good days too and hope you'll soon get your confidence back to enjoy them. I guess it's worth bearing in mind that a slow decrease is always better than a sudden stop.
Remember guys if, God forbid, you're in an accident or taken very ill, they'll look up your records and assume you're still taking a med that's listed if the drs haven't written otherwise. That can make a serious difference to your treatment, so please keep your dr informed and let them supervise any changes.

dawny wrote:

I like to see the same doctor all of the time as she knows me and my situation. But it can be hard to get an appointment sometimes (especially without going during work times and I am trying not to look like I am taking the !!!!) But more than anything else I guess I don't want to admit out loud to her that I am failing myself and her and everyone else around me.

It's good that you see the same dr, hun. Sensible reasons for it as you listed. A recent survey was given to a lot of NHS gp patients at their surgeries, asking their preferences for surgery opening hours amongst other things. I heard a news item which said that they're looking at possibly having surgeries stay open longer in the evening and also opening on weekends. I know it'd be hard on our over-worked drs, but it would make a lot of patients' lives much easier especially not having to take time off work.

You are not failing anyone dawny. There is no right way or wrong way to be. By not admitting your true thoughts to your dr, hunnie, you're putting yourself under a lot of pressure and she can't help to make things easier for you. She's not going to rant and rave at you sweetheart.
Tbh angel, and in my humble opinion, it almost sounds as if you don't want to admit it to yourself, just how much you're struggling. And none of us do hunnie, so you're 100% normal there.

dawny wrote:

Originally Posted by Tiff

But here I feel the need to say to you that things are only going to change when you're totally honest with yourself, sweetheart. No-one wants to admit they're struggling to anyone but if they don't, things tend to stay as they are - something's got to change somewhere.

You know things can't go on like this dawny - and you know what hun? That's perfectly okay.
At some point we have to face what we're going through, what we feel and how much we're going to let others affect us. We have to make choices we never thought we'd have to make and it's hard to accept that what was good for us before, isn't necessarily good for us now. It's a big battle hunnie, but we'll get there.

This all makes it oh so very real again though doesn't it?

Yes sweetheart, it really does. And that's because it is.
But, by doing this, you'll be giving yourself 'permission' and the chance, to make the best recovery you can. You're not ready for the rubbish tip yet by a long chalk, hunnie!

dawny wrote:

But what if I have an appointment and I am having a good day that day and seem fine??

That, my dawny, is what's commonly known as Sod's law! As most parents know, the minute you get the little angels anywhere near a dr, they suddenly look fitter than they've ever been before! lol.
You'll no doubt remember that one of my favourite suggestions is to print off your posts and hand them to the dr. That way she'll see the whole range of what you're feeling. When we post on here hun, it's like little snapshots of our minds, of how we're feeling, in all its honesty. What better insight could you give your dr than that?


FINANCES & DLA

dawny wrote:

Originally Posted by Tiff

If you decide to try this route hunnie, or anyone else, PLEASE make sure that you make an appointment with CAB (Citizen's Advice Bureau) for help with filling out the form. They are very particular as to the wording needed and CAB are experts at this. Make an appointment as soon as you send off for the forms guys because CAB are really stretched and you need to make an appointment well in advance. They will also visit you at home where possible. Here is the link to the DLA website hun:


http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/DisabledPeople/FinancialSupport/DG_10011925


The DWP do offer to help you fill the form out but imho, CAB are the peeps to see about this and they can make all the difference between success and refusal. There may be help too for you regarding prescriptions.

Originally Posted by Tiff
Finances are always an issue angel but your health takes priority. I think you should talk to your dr about how you're struggling and feeling and about work and see about claiming Disability Living Allowance. You can get this allowance whether you're single, married, working or unemployed, if your mental ill health affects your day to day life long-term. It doesn't affect any other benefits or your pay. If you're too ill to work hunnie, then you're only going to make your health worse by doing so.

I couldn't afford to go on DLA. My full wage is about £920 a month and yet I go overdrawn every month by time bills have been paid!! Besides I would probably be rejected. If my insurance wouldn't help me, why would anyone else?? I don't think I'm too ill to work as some days I can do a full shift with no problems you see.

Yes, you can afford to go on DLA hun because it doesn't affect your pay in any way. It is not a means-tested benefit. It is money paid to you because you have an illness that affects your everyday life. It's paid to help make your life easier because of your health problems. As I said, you can be employed or unemployed, married or single, you can still apply. And you can get it purely on mental health grounds. As for not being ill enough all the time, you have to take into account your very worst days too. Plus hun, there are different levels of DLA payments for different categories. To me, if you can get so poorly that OH has to put you to bed, then this is worth looking into.
If you request a form, make an appointment with CAB to help you fill it in and then send it off, you have nothing to lose angel. It is a pig of a form and the wording has to be very particular which CAB has lots of experience with. Also, maybe CAB can help re-negotiate your debts so that you don't get further into debt every month sweetie - they'll even talk to the companies on your behalf.
Maybe Tiffy's being a bit of a cynic hunnie, but imho, insurance companies aren't very keen to pay out money to anyone. I wouldn't use them as a benchmark.

dawny wrote:

Originally Posted by Tiff
Please pick up the phone and call MIND dawny - don't be scared. You are allowed to be ill and get support angel. They're lovely peeps and you have nothing to lose. I know your mind must be going at a 100mph hun, but I think you're going to feel better when you've got some plans in place to get help. You'll feel more in control.

I am just too scared. I guess again this makes it very real for me?
I know sweetheart. These first steps are always the hardest ones but maybe it needs to become real in order to stop you feeling any worse and to give you some peace of mind. Regardless of anything else hunnie, you're still going to be you - you just need some extra support right now.
Thank you for your advice and your support. It really means a lot to me. Especially as I seem to be unable to talk about things so doing it this way make sit a lot easier for me
I will be poing in every now and then. But a lot of the time I am just too worn out by the time I get in from work and have a bite to eat. I hope that you (and everyone else here) is getting through things ok. And I hope you all have a lovely day x

You are so very welcome angel. It's what we all do here. I know a lot of people have been in the same position dawny - it doesn't matter how you communicate sweetie, just as long as you keep doing it.
Oh, and dawny - be kind to yourself hunnie!
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

LadyMorticia

Doctors tomorrow.
Drop in tomorrow....
Lawnmower hopefully getting fixed up tomorrow.
Need to tidy up tonight.
Feel so exhausted.
Want to sleep forever right about now.

shazza40

Hi

Sorry you having bad day [hugs] so pleased have managed to have some sleep last couple of nites so feeling slightly betta.

Forgot 2 take tab 2 day ds got rushed to hospital asthma attack a girl in his class sprayed perfume in his face. the school omitted to tell me this they said he was having panic attack. paramedics didnt think so. had 'nice' chat with school headmaster ringing me back tomorrow. docs tomorrow too take care dont overdo it. hope doc can help you .

Diamond78

Hey Dawny,
Hope your feeling ok hunni. sending you lots and lots of hugs.

Tiff, you give such great advice and help people in so many ways.

Shaz, thinking of you hun.Hugs.

Anni, hope you get some sleep tonight hun. Im going to bed in a bit, going to try and sleep. I have an earache soI doubt I will fall asleep easy but Im going to read a book.

Where is Katie?Hope your ok love.

SF, hope your ok.

RBK, sending you hugs

And to all the other great people on here, hope you all have a good day tomorrow and a great weekend.Sending you all love, hugs and kisses.

Good night an god bless you all.xxx

Diamond78

shazza40 wrote: »

Hi

Sorry you having bad day [hugs] so pleased have managed to have some sleep last couple of nites so feeling slightly betta.

Forgot 2 take tab 2 day ds got rushed to hospital asthma attack a girl in his class sprayed perfume in his face. the school omitted to tell me this they said he was having panic attack. paramedics didnt think so. had 'nice' chat with school headmaster ringing me back tomorrow. docs tomorrow too take care dont overdo it. hope doc can help you .

Thats awful what happened to your son. I hope he is ok now and I hope the school deal with it properly. Awwww, give your son a hug. It must of been scary for you. Hugs

LadyMorticia

[[hugs]] Shazza. That's terrible. How is your son now? I hope he's okay.

xx

slowlyfading

Shazza, I hope your ds is okay, that must have been a horrible experience for him and you today. xx

LadyMorticia

Diamond - I hope you and I both manage some sleep tonight.lol. Only problem is that Janette is coming around to my home tomorrow to sort the lawnmower out and I need to tidy up so I think most of tonight, and possibly the early hours of tomorrow, will be spent doing that.lol.

xx

slowlyfading

rose07 wrote: »

Ohh and SF sorry to hear about the essay, but hun, im sure you havent failed because of one essay, talk to your tutour, and also see if you can do it again, coz thats an option, think someone in my year had to just hand it in before the end of uni, but yeh speak to your tutour, get them to help you hun, you will get there, it will be ok, im soo proud you have came this farr, you can do it. , im here if ya need

Thanks sweetie Its just I'm so annoyed with myself, and my mum is going to be disappointed, but I only have two weeks left of uni :eek: and then I'm free! How are you this evening? xx