Depression Support Thread

Its good to hear from you angel, although I'm so sorry you're so low. I'm glad you found the courage to come back and post. You know what I'm going to say next, don't you, hun? We need to break this down into small pieces and do things a step at a time. Let's have a look...

dawny wrote:

Sorry I've not been around much lately. Had quite a lot on my mind. I'm still working full time - although I still don't feel ready. Work have put me on a temporary 9-5 shift (usually I work on a 8 week rotation that has my shift ending anywhere between 3 and 10pm as well as weekends) I don't know how long they will let me continue on this shift but hopefully it will be for some time yet!
I had to go through full retraining with me being off for so long as I was in a training group with a set of new starters. I found I really difficult at the time to suddenly go from my lovely safe house into a room of 15 strangers (who had all already met during an induction!) I didn't feel I fitted in and with emotions running wild I just kept myself to myself rather than have an outburst and humiliate myself!
I am now back on my team. I know that some people think I am taking the !!!! as I have a 'cushty' shift compared to them.
When I first went back on my team I kept my head down. I had to listen in to someone before I went on the phones and I had a couple of tearful moments :rolleyes: however when I actually went on the phone my first call ended in floods of tears that just wouldn't stop. Don't really know why. Since then I have started to settle down somewhat and thought things were getting back to normal.

It sounds as though work are trying to be supportive, dawny.

Okay hun, firstly - you have achieved a lot by returning to work when you've been so poorly and even managing to update your training. To do that with a team of strangers was a big challenge on it's own. That's a positive and something to feel proud of achieving.

Yes angel, it must have been really difficult going back to work after your ''lovely, safe house''. Again, another achievement. But don't kid yourself dawny hun, in my humble opinion, that ''lovely, safe house'' can slowly become in reality, a lovely, safe prison. This is hinted at by the adjectives you used to describe your house. Trust me on this one, angel.

As for those who think you're taking the mick and are jealous of your 'cushty' shift, well they can tiff off angel. You have every right to get the support work is giving to you. It's the same old mental ill health story hunnie - if they can't see it, they can't understand it. Believe in yourself hun and don't waste your time over worrying about this. If someone has actually said something to you or is being a bit nasty, don't hesitate to report them to your manager.
I believe that worrying about what others think of us, or how we're judged, is a trademark of mental ill health.
And heaven knows there's enough justification for it. But dawny you are allowed to live your life how you want to and in the best way you can! At least you've gone back to work and you've tried your heart out. That is really brave, although I'm sure you won't see it that way. You went back and tried to reclaim a life for yourself!

dawny wrote:

BUT then a while back I started feeling very very low again. I felt unable to talk to those around me and sat at my desk crying most of my shift. It was a struggle to get out of bed again. I didn't know what to do and couldn't get a doctors appointment.
I decided that if I was like this on my medication then it mustn't be helping at all and maybe I would be better off without it? But still I couldn't get an app at docs.So I stopped taking them. Hadn't taken them for about 2 weeks before I could get in to see doc. I felt better though. More cheerful and 'normal'. Doc said she would have advised against it if I had been able to see her beforehand but at least I was starting to make decisions about my life again and trying to take control. That was about 2 or 3 weeks ago.

I don't know dawny, but maybe the reason you felt better for those two weeks, was down to the residual effect of the medication in your system? Please keep your gp informed as much as possible hunnie. Your intentions were nothing but the best I know, but we can often get a false sense of security sometimes and think we're 'cured' and stop our meds and there's usually a price to pay afterwards. It's always safer to have guidance while doing it.

dawny wrote:

This week has been a shambles.
Monday I had a coach listening in with me and I kept bursting into tears. I couldn't really explain why (although not being able to hit my targets didn't exactly help the situation!) but it just kept happening. I felt down all day and night after that. Couldn't sleep on the night.
Tuesday I still felt low - too low to get out of bed but I probably won't get paid if I have any more sick time so I dragged myself there. Had a cry on the way in to try and get it out of my system. Had a coaching session in which I was advised I needed to build more rapport with customers and sound more 'upbeat' - I burst into tears again and spent the rest of the day like that. It's a struggle to sound upbeat on the phone when you are trying to sound like you are not crying!! Kept waking up all night even though I was worn out. All Tuesday night I cried and cried and my Fiance ended up putting me in the bath and tucking me into bed at half 8!! I cried myself to sleep.

Your fiance sounds wonderful and I'm so glad you've got him hunnie.

I think I have to be a straightforward Tiffster here, sweetie. I'm no professional and all this is just my humble opinion, but after reading your post hunnie, certain points seemed to make themselves noticed to me. Now please smack my muzzle if I've got it wrong hun,, but this is what I hear from your post so far...

- You aren't ready to be back at work, especially in such a high-pressure environment.

- This whole situation is making your mental health worse.

- You're doing what you think, or what others think, you should be doing and not what's best for you to be doing.

- You struggle with asking for help and don't want to admit you're not coping at work. After all, you did this job before right? So you should be able to do this with your eyes shut, shouldn't you? WRONG! You've got a real illness hun and whatever that is, (physical or mental), and whoever gets something like that, their lives are affected by it.

dawny wrote:

Woke up Wed after having another very disturbed night. Felt exhausted and unable to go on - but no choice. Just kept my head down all day. Yesterday I felt a little better but run down and exhausted. I just need to get today over with and then I can catch up on some rest!!
So situation at the moment - I am not on any medication. Feeling very up and down and all over the place. Mostly feeling low, and very very tired.Worried aout going back to the doctors and being told 'told you so' Can't go back on medication anyway as can't afford to pay for prescription.
I don't know what to do. Tearing my hair out.
A friend gave me MINDs telephone number, but I am just too scared to ring!!
I have been trying to find time to do little projects at home. Just little things for myself that make me think a bit and then I am not thinking about how I feel. But it is very difficult at work at the moment!! Feeling very frustrated
Anyway sorry to just barge back in here after so long and just rant on!! I hope everyone else has a good day xxx

I want to give you the hugest of hugs dawny. You're not rambling hunnie - no sorry needed. I'm the one who's rambling!

You know things can't go on like this dawny - and you know what hun? That's perfectly okay.

At some point we have to face what we're going through, what we feel and how much we're going to let others affect us. We have to make choices we never thought we'd have to make and it's hard to accept that what was good for us before, isn't necessarily good for us now. It's a big battle hunnie, but we'll get there.

The DWP do offer to help you fill the form out but imho, CAB are the peeps to see about this and they can make all the difference between success and refusal. There may be help too for you regarding prescriptions.

Please keep us posted as to how you get on. I'm thinking of you sweetie - hang in there and be kinder to yourself.

razorbladekisses wrote: »

Morning Tiff, how are you doing hun? How's things in Tiff world?

:wave: Hello Katie, I hope you have a lovely time at your parents.