Depression Support Thread

LadyMorticia

Heya Ccstar. How are you doing today hun?

xx

Horasio

LadyMorticia wrote: »

I must sound so pathetic. My problems are so trivial to a lot of people's.
I always worry I'm going to turn into my mum, or even worse my dad. I know that I am nothing like them (to the point where people think I was adopted as a baby because we are nothing alike.lol.) but I always worry.
I'm a firm believer in inner beauty, and I never judge anyone based on their appearance. We all come in different shapes and sizes. I just wish that I could like myself and accept myself as I am.

I don't hate my family for what they did as I know that hate is a strong word, but I don't think I love them either and I think that makes me sound like a horrible person.

xx

Hi

No-one's problems are trivial if they bother you and from what you say, you have had it pretty rough and have some pretty serious personal issues to deal with that are no fault of your own - simply rotten circumstances.

You are not horrible, you have been hurt badly and you sound to be a lovely person despite your tough beginnings.

I don't know what your parents are like but you are your own person.

Since I went my natural dark hair colour after bleaching it white for 20 years, I am scarily looking like my mother:D

Diamond78

LadyMorticia wrote: »

I must sound so pathetic. My problems are so trivial to a lot of people's.
I always worry I'm going to turn into my mum, or even worse my dad. I know that I am nothing like them (to the point where people think I was adopted as a baby because we are nothing alike.lol.) but I always worry.
I'm a firm believer in inner beauty, and I never judge anyone based on their appearance. We all come in different shapes and sizes. I just wish that I could like myself and accept myself as I am.

I don't hate my family for what they did as I know that hate is a strong word, but I don't think I love them either and I think that makes me sound like a horrible person.

xx

your not a horrible person what so ever. That is what your family and your ex's have made you believe but its not true. Your like me, we dont love ourself when we should but you know yourself its not that easy. Maybe oneday we will learn to love ourselves but its a long journey to it. As long as you know your not to blame and your a decent,loving human being and start loving yourself then life will be a bit easier. They dont deserve to be loved those that have abused you, family or no family. I hated my dad for years and years, he died a few years ago and although I was upset and angry, I still havent got over the anger I have for him. As for my mum, I love her but she is partly to blame for my depression. As a mum myself, I would of never made the mistakes as a mother she did. But we learn as we grow. People that abuse us in any form of way,do not deserve our thoughts or love. So you are not horrible.x

Horasio

LadyMorticia wrote: »

I've never taken illegal drugs. I think I'm too much of a coward.lol. and in the past it has caused a lot of conflict between friends and I because I wouldn't join in but I'm a very stubborn person and always stick to my guns.

One of my friends has Schizophrenia and he smoked cannabis for many years. The doctor says that it wasn't anything to do with the cannabis but my friend still thinks it is.

Another one of my close friends would never have even considered taking drugs until she met her current boyfriend. She invites me around to her and her boyfriends house but I always decline as I feel anxious being in a place where drugs are routinely stored in the fridge.

I think the closest to a high I'm going to get is when I've had too many sugars in my tea.lol.

I've never heard of Lea Betts, but that may be my age showing.

xx

Leah Betts took a dodgy E and died from it - it was the early 90s when E's were popular.

I watched a programme about cannabis and it was interesting. It can give you the giggles or make you paranoid (Skunk) and the munchies are unbelievable. My son smokes it which I am not happy about (not in or around our home!!). He was living in a skanky place where you could get anything but he didn't try them, he and I saw their highs and lows. Trouble is he now smokes real cigarettes and drinks too much:(

I had a drag - it did nothing to me but I don't smoke, so maybe not getting enough - I would rather have some wine!

Horasio

LadyMorticia wrote: »

I remember all of it. I remember things as far back as when I was 2-3 years old. I don't think I've ever really coped with it as such, just tried to mask it. I know it sounds stupid but I had a pet cat and she kind of felt like my life line in a way. As a child I always thought of her as a friend, and not someone who would abuse me. I used to self harm too, by hitting myself and by ripping my toenails off (it hurt a lot but at the time I didn't really care, and it was easy to cover up). Now, I self harm by cutting myself because I can't deal with all these thoughts in my head and all the memories. It hurts too much and the physical pain helps me to deal with the emotional pain, or at least forget about it for a little while.

My family haven't even said sorry for what they have done, and whilst their apologies wouldn't really change anything, it would be nice to know that they felt some remorse but I know that they don't. They tell me they hurt me because I was an ugly, fat, horrible person, and a lot of the time I still believe that's true. ********hugs********

xx

Aw cats are lovely, they are so comforting - my Sophie used to be really intuitive.

It is difficult to erase the nasty talk you heard in your early years but you can erase it from your present by being kind to yourself!

They sound to be right a/holes doing that to you:(

LadyMorticia

CCStar wrote: »

Hi

No-one's problems are trivial if they bother you and from what you say, you have had it pretty rough and have some pretty serious personal issues to deal with that are no fault of your own - simply rotten circumstances.

You are not horrible, you have been hurt badly and you sound to be a lovely person despite your tough beginnings.

I don't know what your parents are like but you are your own person.

Since I went my natural dark hair colour after bleaching it white for 20 years, I am scarily looking like my mother:D

I always try to be nice to everyone but sometimes I feel like I should love everyone, regardless of whether they have hurt me or not. Maybe I should have been born in the 60s and not the 80s.lol. I think I would have fit in well with the hippy movement.

I look like my dad in some ways. I have inherited his nose, and I can't look in the mirror without seeing a big part of him in me because of it, which has led to me considering rhinoplasty just so I don't look like him. From a young age, I always said that I would never have cosmetic surgery done for anything, with maybe the exception if I had breast cancer and needed a reconstruction or something.
I haven't told anyone about the rhinoplasty thing before because I feared they would think I was stupid.

I'm naturally blonde and so is my mum. Then when I started dying my hair darker, my mum did too. I was tempted to dye my hair back to my natural colour but I decided to leave it. My hair is already damaged a lot from my poor diet etc, that I didn't want to put it through even more stress.
Speaking of hair, you reminded me that I need to get a trim, and maybe some layers. Thanks.

xx

Horasio

LadyMorticia wrote: »

Clipboard - I suffer a lot with flashbacks and nightmares but there is no way I would even consider taking ecstasy for it. I know that it is an illegal drug and the effects from taking it can be deadly - as one of my friends almost found out. =/

xx

Have you thought about hypnosis?

I had it and the positive self talk the tapes/CDs say really get thro when in a state of half sleep.

I was put on Prozac which lifted me enough to seek counselling which helped immensely but you have to have the right counselling as well, some types work better than other depending on the person. I could never get on the CBT, I am a logical person and my rational side sees how silly it is feeling what I feel, but it tends not to filter to the inner psyche for me so the irrational thoughts still stay. Others swear by it.

I found being able to speak my thoughts, in confidence, to someone really helped and I have counselled many people of all ages and heard some pretty horrific details. I admire how well they hold it together so well on the surface and I feel humbled by it.

E's would not help you one bit, you might have relief for one night but you will pay the next day!

Horasio

LadyMorticia wrote: »

I always try to be nice to everyone but sometimes I feel like I should love everyone, regardless of whether they have hurt me or not. Maybe I should have been born in the 60s and not the 80s.lol. I think I would have fit in well with the hippy movement.

I look like my dad in some ways. I have inherited his nose, and I can't look in the mirror without seeing a big part of him in me because of it, which has led to me considering rhinoplasty just so I don't look like him. From a young age, I always said that I would never have cosmetic surgery done for anything, with maybe the exception if I had breast cancer and needed a reconstruction or something.
I haven't told anyone about the rhinoplasty thing before because I feared they would think I was stupid.

I'm naturally blonde and so is my mum. Then when I started dying my hair darker, my mum did too. I was tempted to dye my hair back to my natural colour but I decided to leave it. My hair is already damaged a lot from my poor diet etc, that I didn't want to put it through even more stress.
Speaking of hair, you reminded me that I need to get a trim, and maybe some layers. Thanks.

xx

I was born in the 60s and remember the late 60s hippy time which was quite nice. I was a bit young to really appreciate it tho.

There was quite a lot of fear and ignorance around in the 60s and 70s too, abuse and bullying were swept under the carpet and people buried their feelings with smoking and booze. It was quite a macho time for both sexes. The 80s was a posey decade where people put their energies into doing well for themselves. I felt the 90s were the most touchy feeling decade in my time

I was a nice child too but taken advantage of by mean a/holes. I was too naive to realise I was trusting the wrong people and got hurt. Trouble is I have gone too far the other way and am quite reserved and closed.

I used to have hideous teeth and had them seen to so feel more confident about my smile. Your nose looks fine to me but it is how you feel. It is easier to deal with hair. I need a trim too, I haven't had it cut for a few years and it is 40 inches long!

LadyMorticia

Diamond78 wrote: »

your not a horrible person what so ever. That is what your family and your ex's have made you believe but its not true. Your like me, we dont love ourself when we should but you know yourself its not that easy. Maybe oneday we will learn to love ourselves but its a long journey to it. As long as you know your not to blame and your a decent,loving human being and start loving yourself then life will be a bit easier. They dont deserve to be loved those that have abused you, family or no family. I hated my dad for years and years, he died a few years ago and although I was upset and angry, I still havent got over the anger I have for him. As for my mum, I love her but she is partly to blame for my depression. As a mum myself, I would of never made the mistakes as a mother she did. But we learn as we grow. People that abuse us in any form of way,do not deserve our thoughts or love. So you are not horrible.x

You're all so kind to me here. ****hugs****

I'm trying so hard to like myself. I'm getting my braces off in July (after not caring enough about myself to have anything done with them) and I'm going to get my hair cut soon. I also have my ED consultation in July, as my ED is partly about punishing myself. I really want to look in the mirror and be comfortable in my own skin. I love the clothes I wear, and the clothes are beautiful, but I just don't think they are beautiful on me.

I still think the abuse was my fault, but I was told that for many years. I'm not sure how I will feel when my mum and dad die. I'm not even sure if I will be sad. I think I will have a lot of confused feelings. My nan abused me too and she is 76 now and has a lot of health problems so I'm not sure how long she will be around for (as morbid as that sounds) but I'm not sure how I will feel then either.
I think I have supressed anger. I'm a bottler, as they say. I internalise my feelings and then take them out on myself. I've always thought anger was a bad thing because of things that happened when I was a child, but as I have grown up I know that it isn't but I still can't admit to getting angry really, and I can't display it to anyone but myself.

xx

Horasio

clipboard2 wrote: »

Hello again everyone!

I am once again sorry to read that so many of you are suffering at the moment, whether with present difficulties or painful memories, or both.

Thought I'd share this:
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/health/article3850302.ece

The drug Ecstacy has been successfully used to treat "flashbacks" caused by emotional and physical trauma eg abuse, and Post Traumatic Distress Syndrome(PTDS), where talking therapies have failled.

What do you all think?

IMO, painful memories are in our unconcious (ie we can only recall them as flashbacks, or not at all) for a reason:-
That these memories would be too much for us to cope with mentally at the present time. If we do try and bring them to "the surface" before we are ready, eg using techniques such as hypnotism, the results might be catastrophic.
Perhaps the best way is to try and achieve the best measure of emotional and physical stability you can in your life, which should help your mind in its own healing process.

May I wish you all peaceful minds (as our bfm would say)

Take care everyone
CB2X

That is interesting - if you could trust what you were what you were taking, it could help but when you hear about horror stories:eek:

I think at one time it was prescribed for marital problems as it makes you feel ever so loving;)