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Depression Support Thread
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I need some support and someone to talk to
My marriage is over - my OH does not care and lets everyone walk over us and would rather attack me than sort them out. He gives a black cloud to everything that could be nice. I am feeling angry most of the time living like this and have days where I can't take any more of it.
I have been told I carry a lot of anger and this is why. I feel constantly put down and feel devalued in my home (any of them!)
Our son is disrespectful to us and if I try to do anything, I'm undermined and they won't do anything about it either.
It ended up with my OH kicking me and my leg really hurts.
We have signed up until September with the current lease and the place is huge - if I had a place I could goto I would but want to do this right.
I have told him it is over - he is just sitting on his bed looking all pathetic and wallowing in his miserable atmosphere.
Can anyone advise me what to do right now in a money saving sense?
Im sorry to hear what your going through. Firstly your OH has kicked you. That is wrong what he has done. You need to sit down and talk to him. My brother also tells me I have so much anger in me and I need to let the past go. But its like you say when someone is putting you down and undermining you, its only natural to feel the way you do.
I dont know how things are money wise but I would recomend you are not the one to leave the place your living in. Has your OH ever got violent to you before? If in anyway you feel scared or threatend you must call the police. He has already kicked you!! If he threatens you,intimidates you again cal the police. You have to think of yourself and your safety hun.
As for money wise Im sorry but no good at advising. If you work then you may be entitled to some housing benefit as you will then be a single parent should your son live with you. I cant remember if he is 17 im sorry if ive got it wrong. I would recomend you look on the benefits website and see if there is a section you can calculate your income and see if you are entitled to help.
Your OH needs to understand what he is doing to you. Same goes for your son. Tenagers can be very hard, not all but theres lots who go through different things. I was no angel when I was a tenager and I know I put my mum through S@@@ which i deeply regret but I could not talk to my mum coz she was hard work. Maybe if you slowly without pushing it to much talk to your son. Explain to him how you feel, what you are going through and then it will give him time to think. He may change his ways and start showing you more respect.
I hope things look up for you.Thinking of you HUGSxxx0 -
Im sorry to hear what your going through. Firstly your OH has kicked you. That is wrong what he has done. You need to sit down and talk to him. My brother also tells me I have so much anger in me and I need to let the past go. But its like you say when someone is putting you down and undermining you, its only natural to feel the way you do.
I dont know how things are money wise but I would recomend you are not the one to leave the place your living in. Has your OH ever got violent to you before? If in anyway you feel scared or threatend you must call the police. He has already kicked you!! If he threatens you,intimidates you again cal the police. You have to think of yourself and your safety hun.
As for money wise Im sorry but no good at advising. If you work then you may be entitled to some housing benefit as you will then be a single parent should your son live with you. I cant remember if he is 17 im sorry if ive got it wrong. I would recomend you look on the benefits website and see if there is a section you can calculate your income and see if you are entitled to help.
Your OH needs to understand what he is doing to you. Same goes for your son. Tenagers can be very hard, not all but theres lots who go through different things. I was no angel when I was a tenager and I know I put my mum through S@@@ which i deeply regret but I could not talk to my mum coz she was hard work. Maybe if you slowly without pushing it to much talk to your son. Explain to him how you feel, what you are going through and then it will give him time to think. He may change his ways and start showing you more respect.
I hope things look up for you.Thinking of you HUGSxxx
Thank you
Our son is seeing how badly my OH is treating me, so is setting a bad example
My OH deals with my feeling low or unhappy about things by ranting at me, then crying then going to his room to sulk. He of course blames me. Our son has seen this over the years and my emotional reaction to this which ain't pretty. I am seen as the bad guy. If I try to be happy, I am deflated, if I am upset about something, I am shouted at. I am made to feel wrong for who I am.
I liken then to incompetent people you deal with who are very defensive and put you down - you know the jerks I mean!
He has been violent before but not very often, he does it more verbally and emotionally by being withdrawn and harping on about pains/aches when I feel happy, anything that will bring the mood down. I used to like going out but his miserableness put me off. I used to date other men because I was unhappy before I had our son but they weren't very nice, so they made my OH look good.
Had I not had our son, I would have left years ago. The money situation is OK these days but should I stay to the end of the lease or go now?
My son probably hates me now because I sent his mate home because I wanted us to have a family discussion but my OH was so horrible and made me feel in the wrong. My OH constantly moans about our son but does nothing and if I do anything, I am undermined.
My OH says he wants us happy but never listens or finds out what makes me happy, I try to make him happy but he never seems to appreciate what I do for him.
I give up!!An average day in my life:hello: :eek::mad: :coffee::coffee::coffee::T
:rotfl: :rotfl: 
:eek::mad: :beer:
I am no expert in property but have lived in many types of homes, in many locations and can only talk from experience.0 -
Thank you
Our son is seeing how badly my OH is treating me.
My OH deals with my feeling low or unhappy about things by ranting at me, then crying then going to his room to sulk. He of course blames me. Our son has seen this over the years and my emotional reaction to this which ain't pretty. I am seen as the bad guy. If I try to be happy, I am deflated, if I am upset about something, I am shouted at. I am made to feel wrong for who I am.
I liken then to incompetent people you deal with who are very defensive and put you down - you know the jerks I mean!
He has been violent before but not very often, he does it more verbally and emotionally by being withdrawn and harping on about pains/aches when I feel happy, anything that will bring the mood down. I used to like going out but his miserableness put me off. I used to date other men because I was unhappy before I had our son but they weren't very nice, so they made my OH look good.
Had I not had our son, I would have left years ago. The money situation is OK these days but should I stay to the end of the lease or go now?
I dont think you should be the one to leave. Your OH is abusing you mentally. Mental abuse is just as bad as actual pysical harm. It seems you have put up with his behaviour for years. Im not sure how you have coped but you have done really well to put up with him for so many years. There comes a point in someones life when enough is enough, you can only take and put up with so much.
You have not long been where you live. If you had somewhere else to go ie family it would help but you will still need your own space as that is our comfort zone. You will have to go through all the stress of moving again, remember how stressful it was for you recently. If he gets abusive again, I mean it just call the police. He cant be kicking you again. He has problems and issues and he is making you down, so let him go. Tell him maybe he should go and stay with a family member for a while you both have a bit of time apart.That way he wont get aggresive.hugs xx0 -
My son probably hates me now because I sent his mate home because I wanted us to have a family discussion but my OH was so horrible and made me feel in the wrong. My OH constantly moans about our son but does nothing and if I do anything, I am undermined.
My OH says he wants us happy but never listens or finds out what makes me happy, I try to make him happy but he never seems to appreciate what I do for him.
I give up!!
Your son doesnt hate you. He knows whats going on so Im sure after a little while he will understand why his friend had to go. If you and your OH want to work, then he needs to get some help with his anger.Maybe he needs some therapy and needs to see a relathionship expert on how to treat a woman good.Maybe you could write to him.Explain to your Oh what would make you happy, what annoys you about him and how he could make things better. You go out of your way, so now he needs to gout his way.It is making you ill living like this, same with your OH.
Go speak to your son, tell him your sorry but you had to as you all need to talk.Goodluck xx0 -
Our son will probably not talk to me now and doesn't like to get involved when I try to talk to him about what is bugging me. My OH has set the worst example of fathering I have ever seen - I don't feel supported, yet he says he cares - I don't see any evidence when he is like this.Your son doesnt hate you. He knows whats going on so Im sure after a little while he will understand why his friend had to go. If you and your OH want to work, then he needs to get some help with his anger.Maybe he needs some therapy and needs to see a relathionship expert on how to treat a woman good.Maybe you could write to him.Explain to your Oh what would make you happy, what annoys you about him and how he could make things better. You go out of your way, so now he needs to gout his way.It is making you ill living like this, same with your OH.
Go speak to your son, tell him your sorry but you had to as you all need to talk.Goodluck xx
I tried marriage counselling with my OH and he kept shouting at me every time I mentioned anything that upset me. The poor counsellor didn't know what to do. I have emailed my OH with the facts and he is sulking on his bed. I don't think anything will change. It is same pattern over and over and you are right I am feeling ill with this. No amount of ADs can sort out a horrible man (and son) living with you!
I wish I had somewhere comfortable I could goto now - I can look for a place to rent but it takes time. My mother is nearby and I used to bother her with this before and she said to leave him but I didn't have the money then and our son was young when we did. We all went out yesterday and my OH was sighing the whole time determined to bring the mood down. My mother and I didn't react but inside I wanted to throw him off the 10th floor balcony - I have had this for 27 years and I can't take it anymore, especially now I have been kicked!
Now I can but don't know whether I should leave before the lease is up.An average day in my life:hello: :eek::mad: :coffee::coffee::coffee::T :rotfl: :rotfl: :eek::mad: :beer:
I am no expert in property but have lived in many types of homes, in many locations and can only talk from experience.0 -
CCSTAR I'm not much good at advice right now, but am sending you (((HUGS))) and hope things can work out for you:o Men think monogamy is something you make dining tables out of-Kathy Lette;)
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I haven't coped, especially when I had very bad PMS or when I feel tired etc.I dont think you should be the one to leave. Your OH is abusing you mentally. Mental abuse is just as bad as actual pysical harm. It seems you have put up with his behaviour for years. Im not sure how you have coped but you have done really well to put up with him for so many years. There comes a point in someones life when enough is enough, you can only take and put up with so much.
You have not long been where you live. If you had somewhere else to go ie family it would help but you will still need your own space as that is our comfort zone. You will have to go through all the stress of moving again, remember how stressful it was for you recently. If he gets abusive again, I mean it just call the police. He cant be kicking you again. He has problems and issues and he is making you down, so let him go. Tell him maybe he should go and stay with a family member for a while you both have a bit of time apart.That way he wont get aggresive.hugs xx
I gave up my job because I thought it was because I was too tired for him, then he wanted early nights and became an old man at 30!! I was a vibrant 17 year old and felt the world was my oyster. I feel between my PMS and him, I got destroyed. I didn't like attitudes towards me when people knew I was married and when I had a child, I might as well be dead for the amount of support you get when trying to work and/or childcare.
When my OH got a well paid job, I stopped trying - I found the world to be a bumhole when trying to help myself with all my obstacles.
I still feel pretty bitter about how I was treated due to 'women's' issues and hate it when men make out you are to blame for feeling the same anger as they do. Sexism sends me thro the roof and when I see women only getting 70% of male pay for same jobs, I see red. I find some men very childish and headstrong - I used to argue with them but realise they are numbskulls and a waste of time. Now I see my OH in the same way and want out! What I hate is our son is a clone of my OH and it upsets me that I stayed for our son and produced a jerk
There is no way I could live with my mother and she is good to a point in supporting me but sometimes it is better to be alone rather than get the wrong support IYKWIM.An average day in my life:hello: :eek::mad: :coffee::coffee::coffee::T :rotfl: :rotfl: :eek::mad: :beer:
I am no expert in property but have lived in many types of homes, in many locations and can only talk from experience.0 -
hazeyjewel wrote: »CCSTAR I'm not much good at advice right now, but am sending you (((HUGS))) and hope things can work out for you:o
Thank you
Sorry it is so heavy but feel I need support now I have decided our marriage is over!An average day in my life:hello: :eek::mad: :coffee::coffee::coffee::T :rotfl: :rotfl: :eek::mad: :beer:
I am no expert in property but have lived in many types of homes, in many locations and can only talk from experience.0 -
Our son will probably not talk to me now and doesn't like to get involved when I try to talk to him about what is bugging me. My OH has set the worst example of fathering I have ever seen - I don't feel supported, yet he says he cares - I don't see any evidence when he is like this.
I tried marriage counselling with my OH and he kept shouting at me every time I mentioned anything that upset me. The poor counsellor didn't know what to do. I have emailed my OH with the facts and he is sulking on his bed. I don't think anything will change. It is same pattern over and over and you are right I am feeling ill with this. No amount of ADs can sort out a horrible man (and son) living with you!
I wish I had somewhere comfortable I could goto now - I can look for a place to rent but it takes time. My mother is nearby and I used to bother her with this before and she said to leave him but I didn't have the money then and our son was young when we did. We all went out yesterday and my OH was sighing the whole time determined to bring the mood down. My mother and I didn't react but inside I wanted to throw him off the 10th floor balcony - I have had this for 27 years and I can't take it anymore, especially now I have been kicked!
Now I can but don't know whether I should leave before the lease is up.
well 27 years is a very long time to put up with him. How you have coped, I dont know but you have and now is the time to move on. Personally I dont think you should go. Its your home as much as his. Let him sulk like a child in the room, see another example of him being immature and childish. he has no right to treat you like this and then feel bad and try and make you feel guilty by crying and sulking. My ex was the same, most of the time he would blame me and I belived it was my fault when in fact it was his fault. You dont realise but they have a special way of brainwashing you, makng you feel crap and useless but it is them who is like that. That is why they do it so you can be like them. Do not put up with his behaviour no more!! If he wants you to both live happily then he needs to change a lot as he has been like this for years. He has had a very long time to make things work and he still hasnt. He has also had chance after chance. If it doesnt change and you contunue to be together is this how you want to live the rest of your life. No, coz you deserve happiness and a life. You deserve to behome and feel at peace and comfort.
If he can manage to look after your son then maybe it would be nice if you went to your mums for a while. If you feel that you are 100% sure you want to get your own place then do it hun. Its time to put you first.Yes it does take time to find a place but you know you will in the end. You have to do what is right for you. You have got use to living with him and your son. It will be hard and lonely living alone but you could also enjoy the peace and freedom you have so its a 2 way thing.
Maybe you could write to your son if he isnt wiling to listen.Boys find it embarrasing listening to a mother.I dont know why but I think its just the way they are. In there world its cool to show no emotion its a man thing, i think.Saying that everyone is different. What is it you really really want. Do you want to end it and live a life free of misery ir will you give him another chance to work it out.Im sorry I cant help, all I can do is advise you, other people may advise you different but he has stepped the mark now and I personally would not put up with that, so maybe this is telling you that he should leave.Hugs xx0 -
I haven't coped, especially when I had very bad PMS or when I feel tired etc.
I gave up my job because I thought it was because I was too tired for him, then he wanted early nights and became an old man at 30!! I was a vibrant 17 year old and felt the world was my oyster. I feel between my PMS and him, I got destroyed. I didn't like attitudes towards me when people knew I was married and when I had a child, I might as well be dead for the amount of support you get when trying to work and/or childcare.
When my OH got a well paid job, I stopped trying - I found the world to be a bumhole when trying to help myself with all my obstacles.
I still feel pretty bitter about how I was treated due to 'women's' issues and hate it when men make out you are to blame for feeling the same anger as they do. Sexism sends me thro the roof and when I see women only getting 70% of male pay for same jobs, I see red. I find some men very childish and headstrong - I used to argue with them but realise they are numbskulls and a waste of time. Now I see my OH in the same way and want out! What I hate is our son is a clone of my OH and it upsets me that I stayed for our son and produced a jerk
There is no way I could live with my mother and she is good to a point in supporting me but sometimes it is better to be alone rather than get the wrong support IYKWIM.
I can understand where you are coming from. My mum lives abroad, the amount of times I have thought of going to live out there with her as she is getting old. As much as I love her, I have issues with her and do not get along. Its not as bad as it use to be as I make a lot of an effort but she is partly to blame for my depression. Sometimes, I feel I cant take no more of this struggle and think the best thing for me to do is go abroad and live with her but we will clash. I am use to living on my own now. It has always been me and my 6 year old son. I have been single 6 years and only had one brief relathionship that l asted a few months. Yes it gets lonely but I wouldnt change it for the worl.My brother goes on at me that I should meet someone as its about time.he says it would be nice for my son to have a male father figure as ds doesnt see his dad. Like its that easy. For now and for a while to come, I am happy to live in my own company. I would find it all very hard meeting a guy and going through all the dating stuff. I want to have time to deal with my issues problems and health and then eventually feel ready to meet someone.0
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