Child maintenance and voluntary redundancy payment

Loopy_Girl

Of course the child is being punished - every child has the right to have both their parents in their life no matter how their parents split up or how the conception occurred.

You are choosing not to see the child because of his/her mother.

You're not a good dad or a bad dad as you are no dad at all. Any muppet can father a child (like you) but it takes a real man to take responsibility for nurturing and loving a child that they created.

Putting your hand in your pocket (albeit grudgingly) does not as dad make.

You think it's the 'ladies' on here that have issues with you? There will be plenty NRP's disgusted with you and thinking you are the quintessential t0sser of an NRP who thinks of his c0ck before anything else.

Zara33

Soubrette wrote: »

Hey - that's my assessment of him - and I'm sure partly because he reminds me strongly of a 'lothario' who pretends to love women and hurt a friend (and their children) very badly in the past

You choose your own friends

Sou

Someone once said to me we do not come into a internet chat forum to make friends...we discuss the topic at hand and we forget about any personal information and any pesonal feelings we just discuss and then switch the computer off.

I must remember this

Soubrette

Zara33 wrote: »

Someone once said to me we do not come into a internet chat forum to make friends...we discuss the topic at hand and we forget about any personal information and any pesonal feelings we just discuss and then switch the computer off.

I must remember this

Good grief - was it a bloke

I met my husband on the internet (I'm always compelled to say this - not a dating site - a forum where we shared a common interest )

I have other really really good friends too And with the horrors of my lying ex, this part of the MSE could not have been more useful and supportive (as well as reminding me that lots of people have a hard time with the CSA and not to generalise my particular experience as the CSA is always on the side of the NRP )

Although I was thinking, on the subject of choosing our own friends - different people have different aspects which are repellant or attractive (I dont' believe that anyone is all good or all bad).

I have a lovely female friend who, when I was single, wizzed out in the middle of the night during a power cut to make sure I was ok. She is truly a lovely person except if you are going out with her - then she turns into needy psychowitch from hell. As a best friend, fantastic - as a girlfriend - quake in your boots. I would never listen to an ex-boyfriend of hers telling me not to be her friend so I would hate to think that what repels me about someone negates what is attractive about them to someone else.

Even internet friends

Sou

DUTR

Loopy_Girl wrote: »

Of course the child is being punished - every child has the right to have both their parents in their life no matter how their parents split up or how the conception occurred.

You are choosing not to see the child because of his/her mother.

You're not a good dad or a bad dad as you are no dad at all. Any muppet can father a child (like you) but it takes a real man to take responsibility for nurturing and loving a child that they created.

Putting your hand in your pocket (albeit grudgingly) does not as dad make.

You think it's the 'ladies' on here that have issues with you? There will be plenty NRP's disgusted with you and thinking you are the quintessential t0sser of an NRP who thinks of his c0ck before anything else.

You really do have a bee in your bonnet today, so hounding a bloke via the csa makes someone a good mum? My parents not once looked to take money from the dwp whilst in their working time, so obviously I cannot fathom a life of state handouts, you say the child is punished yet you do not know the child. Im not fit to see her, I agree with what you say then you still complain, I dont see her as im not good enough to see her and you still complain, I wasn't complaining that the ladies here are on my case, everybody's case is different, some women use the csa as a spite tool, that Im sure you know is true, yes I put my hand in my pocket and not begrudgingly, I'm proud that Im not trying to evade them or reduce my payments. Like you say a bloke can squirt their juice and father a child makes them no worse than a woman opening their legs to become a mother with all the handouts that can follow, sorry love but you are no better a person than me, I contribute to society just as equally as you do. Whether you like what I type or not is up to you. but Im not arguing with you. :rolleyes:

Zara33

DUTR wrote: »

You really do have a bee in your bonnet today, so hounding a bloke via the csa makes someone a good mum? My parents not once looked to take money from the dwp whilst in their working time, so obviously I cannot fathom a life of state handouts, you say the child is punished yet you do not know the child. Im not fit to see her, I agree with what you say then you still complain, I dont see her as im not good enough to see her and you still complain, I wasn't complaining that the ladies here are on my case, everybody's case is different, some women use the csa as a spite tool, that Im sure you know is true, yes I put my hand in my pocket and not begrudgingly, I'm proud that Im not trying to evade them or reduce my payments. Like you say a bloke can squirt their juice and father a child makes them no worse than a woman opening their legs to become a mother with all the handouts that can follow, sorry love but you are no better a person than me, I contribute to society just as equally as you do. Whether you like what I type or not is up to you. but Im not arguing with you. :rolleyes:

Every parent does what they think is correct, because i use the CSA does that make me a bad parent...some might think so but i don't.

My parent doesn't rely on state hand outs he has worked all his life still is, atm i am unable to that is why i rely on the state...does this make me a bad person again some would say I had every intention working and i did for several years after my child was born but as he got older things become harder does that make me a bad peson?

Also my child is being punishd because the NRP like yourself refuses contact, he may well support him moneywise but in reality it's not money that my child requires, emotional and a father/son bond are more precious than money. However because the NRP wants to spite me he refuses all contact with our child.

Seriously do you honestly think a woman gets pregnant just for state handouts imho i don't think so.

DUTR

Zara33 wrote: »

Every parent does what they think is correct, because i use the CSA does that make me a bad parent...some might think so but i don't.

My parent doesn't rely on state hand outs he has worked all his life still is, atm i am unable to that is why i rely on the state...does this make me a bad person again some would say I had every intention working and i did for several years after my child was born but as he got older things become harder does that make me a bad peson?

Also my child is being punishd because the NRP like yourself refuses contact, he may well support him moneywise but in reality it's not money that my child requires, emotional and a father/son bond are more precious than money. However because the NRP wants to spite me he refuses all contact with our child.

Seriously do you honestly think a woman gets pregnant just for state handouts imho i don't think so.

No you are not a bad parent, and neither am I, I know in my case the mother does not need the money and of course given a fair opportunity most blokes will do their bit and more the money does not come into it. What I 'resent' is comments that some other posters (not you) make as if they are superior to others on this forum . Likewise do you think every male nrp 's mission is to avoid the csa? It's not the case by a long shot, the other poster is just moaning for moaning sake. The OP commented on being reported to even though they are no longer an item, that is what the thread is about not whether nrp's should pay or pwc's receive.
The child is fine as I'm only ever a phone call away, surely the 5p call cost is available from the financial support received :cool:

Zara33

DUTR wrote: »

No you are not a bad parent, and neither am I, I know in my case the mother does not need the money and of course given a fair opportunity most blokes will do their bit and more the money does not come into it. What I 'resent' is comments that some other posters (not you) make as if they are superior to others on this forum . Likewise do you think every male nrp 's mission is to avoid the csa? It's not the case by a long shot, the other poster is just moaning for moaning sake. The OP commented on being reported to even though they are no longer an item, that is what the thread is about not whether nrp's should pay or pwc's receive.
The child is fine as I'm only ever a phone call away, surely the 5p call cost is available from the financial support received :cool:

I have to admit i'm the first one up there on my high horse about issues regarding a pwc and a nrp because sometimes things do get so personal and i can't help myself :o

lis69

I used to work at the CSA prior to my separation from the x and have encountered many different walks of life, male and female NRP's, those willing to pay and those that will run as far as it takes to avoid lossing their money and time!
However when I seperated from my x, there was no way I wanted the stress of the CSA to create the mine fields they can when money is involved (especially with my x) I allowed him to call all the shots; when he wanted kids, a door open policy (day or night(for the kids only)) and for him to say how much he wanted to pay. So I feel I have been doing all I possibly can to give my kids the support and love they need. BUT 7 years on, money still pretty much the same and he has made no effort to grow with the kids...yes I am bitter, especially when I have put my life on hold for what was ment to be OUR kids (not just mine!) and although I get some help from the benifit system, we would have sunk if it was down to him.
Things will stay the same throughout their growing up and as I become more independant the costs will esculate on my side...I just can't understand how this is fair????? It was an equal choice so why are the costs and support equal??? AND YES.... MAYBE I THINK HE SHOULD SHOW HE APPRECIATES WHAT I AM DOING TO SAVE HIM THE HASSEL HE HAS ADMITED HE DON'T WANT!

lis69

Zara33 wrote: »

I have to admit i'm the first one up there on my high horse about issues regarding a pwc and a nrp because sometimes things do get so personal and i can't help myself :o

I totally understand what you are saying and think I very often feel the same!

purepink

I've ben reading through the comments here, but I'm not quite sure of the actual facts. Please can someone advise?
My boyfriend (we don't live together - he rents) has ben offered voluntary redundancy. Although scary, it's an opportunity for him to clear the joint debts that he has been left with (a loan for a kitchen and car which she is now benefiting from, but he signed the papers for! and a joint overdraft) Although divoreced, she refuses to agree a financial settlement. She wants him to wait 14 years (until youngest is 18) for a very small % of the equity in the house and is also after his pension. If he accepts the package, can she claim some of it (because the financial settlement hasn't been made) and also what is the position with the CSA (he currently pays 20% of his income). He is not a high earner and his incomings are only marginally more than his outgoings, without allowing for food, medication, clothes. He's left with around £150 a month for these things.
The package sounds as if it will provide the opportunity for him to strart afresh - but how much of it will he have to give away?
BTW he can't take her to court for a settlement, because he can't aford the fee!!
Thank you