Coping with Divorce..how?

margaretclare

Hi Bossyboots

Thanks for the info - well, it's all academic now anyway.

Yes, there was the equity in the matrimonial home, a bungalow on the Nottingham ring road near the Queen's Medical Centre. I know that originally he hoped she would split it with him and he'd probably have had about £9K to come (this was before the huge hike in property values).

Originally she wasn't going to go for a divorce - he left, but she wanted a judicial separation. I've learned since that this is common in older women who don't plan to remarry - she was in her late 50s then. Even when she decided on divorce (and changed her solicitor because the first one wouldn't go along with all that she wanted!) she wanted everything off him, his rusty old car, his obsolete computer....
eventually he gave up his share in the equity in return for keeping his annuity, which pays out just over £3K a year, so that was actually more valuable to him!

No, she didn't originally know where he was living - how she did it was to get her solicitor to write to him @ their address, and as all his mail was being redirected by the Post Office that was how it landed up here.

Aunty Margaret

Bossyboots

margaretclare wrote:

Hi Bossyboots

Thanks for the info - well, it's all academic now anyway.

Yes, there was the equity in the matrimonial home, a bungalow on the Nottingham ring road near the Queen's Medical Centre. I know that originally he hoped she would split it with him and he'd probably have had about £9K to come (this was before the huge hike in property values).

Originally she wasn't going to go for a divorce - he left, but she wanted a judicial separation. I've learned since that this is common in older women who don't plan to remarry - she was in her late 50s then. Even when she decided on divorce (and changed her solicitor because the first one wouldn't go along with all that she wanted!) she wanted everything off him, his rusty old car, his obsolete computer....
eventually he gave up his share in the equity in return for keeping his annuity, which pays out just over £3K a year, so that was actually more valuable to him!

No, she didn't originally know where he was living - how she did it was to get her solicitor to write to him @ their address, and as all his mail was being redirected by the Post Office that was how it landed up here.

Aunty Margaret

In relation to the post, thats a clever one that. Will keep that in mind for the future. It would have been easy to say the mail wasn't getting through as that was the method used but that may not have been the best option.

margaretclare

Bossyboots wrote:

In relation to the post, thats a clever one that. Will keep that in mind for the future. It would have been easy to say the mail wasn't getting through as that was the method used but that may not have been the best option.

I guess that after a few weeks she sussed that no mail was arriving addressed to him, and it must be going somewhere.

He did write to everyone - banks, utilities, Nottingham council etc - from their address telling them that he would no longer be responsible for any bills, payments, her debts etc from the date that he left. He wrote to her telling exactly why he was leaving and he copied it to family members so that no one had any doubts. Mostly they said 'what took you so long?' None of them would tell her where he was, when they eventually found out - his son sent him an email, knowing he wouldn't leave his computer behind, whatever else he didn't take with him. When he connected his computer and found it, I emailed his son saying 'Your Dad is safe here with me'. Some of them were worried that he 'might have done something silly', knowing how desperate he'd become.

I recall that he still ended up paying phone bills etc that were in the pipeline at the time he left.

Aunty Margaret