Coping with Divorce..how?

ritchie

I am going through a divorce and just at the early stages now. Already have court hearings and got my solicitor on standby in case i need to do an emergency order etc etc.
I have not seen my kid for a few weeks now and its very tough to cope with, especially as my kid has a long term illness.

Just asking for any advice on how one can cope and get on with life as best as possible. I am finding it tough at times. Any suggestions maybe for good books to read (already got loads of legal stuff from the library) or CD/DVDs to watch about the process? I looked at the FNF (families need fathers) website...anyone know if they are any good and worth joining?
cheers
ritchie.

helen21_2

Hi ritchie

can't offer any advice for you, but just wanted to say hang in there and hope you soon get things sorted. It is always tough at the start and im sure things will get better.

Hugs to you

crutches

ritchie hugs its tough but you will get through it.

thetheboy

Richie - I am also going through divorce [URL=http://]this site - click here![/URL] is good and they have a good comunity of people in similar boats.
Also try here.

Good luck and god bless

hilstep2000

Ritchie, it does get easier, it just feels awful at the moment. I'm sure you'll see your child soon, just let all the legal people sort it out for you.
Hang in there, there are a lot us who've been through it, and it's not nice, but ((HUG)) to you from me.

Coventry_Sister

Divorce is a very difficult time and you need as much support as possible during this time.

Emotionally and financially it can drain you unless you can take action quickly and positively.

Firstly, a dialogue needs to be opened with your ex especially since you have children. If you were a muslim, this would be a priority as they have their own rules on Child Custody and Contact when divorce occurs.

It would be best to reconcile but this is always difficult if your ex has got a solicitor as they will try and use your ex to try and get as much as possible out of you. Solicitors seem friendly but their bread and butter is marriage breakdowns as they can make a lot of money from couples misery. A lot of them are not interested in their clients but the money they can make.

That is why muslims try not to use solicitors and go the DIY method. This way divorce can take place for less than £50. Muslims also have a pre-nuptial agreement in place even though this is not binding in Engliah law.

After communications with your ex can be established; move on and talk using family and friends.

If this is not possible, then try to arrange contact arrangements as soon as possible both physically and telephone/letter with the children.

Dumbledore55

Richie

I agree that establishing dialogue with your ex is paramount to getting access to your child but from personal experience I know its easier said than done.

I am very lucky with my son's dad but we only actually established a good dialogue when he got a new woman in his life. She was from a 'split' family herself and understood how it feels. She made my ex realise that the child is the most important person and that he needs a mum and a dad in his life - my ex hated sharing him with me and resented bringing him home even though I was really generous with access. 9 years on and this lady is now my son's stepmother and I am eternally grateful to her for making it possible for my son to have a loving stable relationship in 2 homes.

I don't know how much that helps but there was a time when everything could have gone drastically wrong but now its the best. If you can talk to your ex convince her that only solicitors gain from long drawn out arguments and your child needs both parents.

Sharing is the only way forward and it takes a while in divorces for people to realise they can't have exactly what they had when they were together both for access and possessions - a compromise is needed and the sooner you can get one the cheaper and less stressful it will be.

Depending on your realtionship with your ex, you may have to gie a little extra to eventually receive but the more reasonable you are, hopefully the more reasonable she will be in return.

Good luck and I hope it works out for you.

ritchie

cheers for the recent replies.

Not talking to extobe as moment she had has placed a non-molestation order on me with loads of allegations and lies....amazing what one can do these days !
I cant even see my sick kid in hospital..tried ring a few times to speak to the kid but the nurses say mam said kid is sleeping/eating/busy etc... so just have to wait for the court hearing.
cant even think of talking back to extobe...dunno what to say...mixed feelings of love/anger/madness and just want to tell her off for if she did not do what she did a while back we would not be in this mess and still together as a family.

does anyone know if fathers need families is any good to joining (FNF)?

homersimpson_3

if you haven't since your child for weeks, why don't you just contact your ex and ask to see your child?. you could always ring up to see if child needs anything for school (uniforms etc), ask how he is and then say would be possible if i could see him. don't demand & avoid recriminations over how and why relationship broke up. say to wife could come to the house if necessary, meet at park etc. if she says no explain you're missing child and the child needs both parents. if still no ask whether you can write/telephone child- at least that way there is still some contact (until court grants contact). presumably you're not seeking residence (and child with live with mum? ). does your ex have other commitments (work, college, gym etc). if so offer to look after child whilst she goes to wherever. gives her a break and gives you time with child. don't say i,ve contacted or looked at FNF (families need fathers) website - this would just atagonise position- try for the sake of yourselves and child to come agreement about finances and child. the more acrimony the more money for solicitors!
court orders should only be used as a last resort. you may find break up hard- loss of companionship and reduced income (if there were 2 incomes coming into household). may have to learn new skills to cope with things other partner did (cooking, diy, budgeting etc) . see it something new to learn and an opportunity not a chore.
try and find other things/interests to occupy your time. get a pet if necessary.
if you do have 2nd relationship don't forget your first child and explain to new partner you need support/understanding etc. if new partner don't rub ex's nose in it (most relationship break ups are painful enough without having replacement partner thrown in your face). you also need someone (trustworthy) to talk to but don't only talk about divorce- people get bored if you talk about something all the time.

ritchie

with the non-mol order i cant even talk to her, go near house or anything...especially she can call the police and say anything..and i will be straight back in jail for court hearing. hospital have told me that its best i stay away as they dont want any trouble in the wards. my solicitor suggest i lie low and wait till the hearing when i can give my story.
also my solicitor has been ringing her solicitor for many days...but getting no decent response back.

but its likely that extobe will move back to the south of england with her family in the next few months....which would make contact with my kid very difficult and harder.
trying to keep busy reading up on divorce law and various little hobbies. but anyone who has not seen there kid for so long...i feel its like a bereavement to one's soul. sad but thats seems to be life.

jazzyjustlaw

Its only my personal opinion but have you looked into whether you could be entitled to Public Funding? She has seen a Solicitor else she would havent issued a Non-Mol on you. Was it done without notice? Did you go to any hearing. Do you have parental responsibilty? Its all well and good people advocating you dont go to a Solicitor but you need to know your rights. I would go to a Solicitor that has been recommended to you to make sure you do get a goodun.

Coventry-sister
Sometimes lawyers are looked at as winding up the other side but look at t his say your other half was offering you 350k but you were entitled to 600k some would suggest you take the former to keep the peace would you? Would you expect your Solicitor to say take it to keep the peace - no he is not allowed to because he has to advise THE CLIENT - not the ex as to what is the best for thier client and of course it may irritate the other side. Ultimately its the client that gives the Solicitors INSTRUCTIONS people think the Solicitors instruct the client - doh!

In children matters it is most important to do the best thing for the child often the parties are so embroiled in one-up man ship that the child suffers.

It is also important to keep money and children issues separate.

So OP you must do what you feel is best but how can you do that without knowing your rights. You could try to get a free half hour fixed fee interview or see if you are entitled to Public Funding. Ultimately its up to you.

Good Luck and I am suere Bossyboots will give you a more indepth answer shortly.

I see that you have seen a solicitor. So if I were you I would just wait until the hearing.