Coping with Divorce..how?

jazzyjustlaw

sorry didnt read the thread properly

Bossyboots

Hi Jazzy. I think you have said it all this time.

Richie, I am sorry to say that these days it seems so easy to get a non-molestation order. I think there may be an attitude of granting them because one day they might not and the party bringing the application ends up injured or dead. I gues the Courts just can't take the chance and in the absence of evidence to the contrary, a solicitor has to take at face value what their client tells them.

However, that said, the orders should only include children where there is clear evidence of potential harm to the child. Abusive partners are not necessarily abusive dads. I am a bit surprised your solicitor has not advised you to make an application for an urgent hearing of the case to try and get a specific order in relation to visiting your child in hospital. You and he have all the details of the case though and he will have knowledge of the way the local court works so the fact he has not advised you to try that is not necessarily wrong. It would also be an expensive venture for you, so may not be practical, particularly if the next hearing is not too far away. It might be worth asking about though.

homersimpson_3

the first post didn't mention anything about non- molestation orders and agreed this changes the position. why was it granted? were you represented by solicitor and did you attend hearing? you could ask for non-molestation order to be varied but would have to satisfy court reasonable grounds to do so and your solicitor is arguably right - it's probaly worth waiting- depends on time limit and circumstances. do you want child living with you or just contact to child? (huge difference). you could move to be close to them (practical problems- jobs, housing, finance, own ties etc). basically under Children Act 1989 welfare of child paramount & there is a whole list of things the court take into consideration including views of child if sufficient understanding. if contact ask for contact with child so many weekends per month, x number of weeks in school holidays, part of xmas etc, regular telephone contact and letters etc. you can get specific issue orders- where court makes an order on a specific point- (e.g. informing/consulting you about health of child as this appears to be an issue for you). not so bad if you see child every 2 weeks. can you pay for travel costs? is your accomodation suitable for this child and to meet its needs. you have to satisfy the court about these things.
don't take this the wrong way (not saying it is happening here)- the courts do not like any domestic voilence or threats to mother particularly in front of child. do not swear, argue or threaten mum. when you go to court dress presentably, be honest and avoid arguing with mum.

ritchie

hey gang

i was only asking for advice on how to get thro the emotional side of coping with a divorce.....but hey thanks to all the advice..its been very useful and helpful.

She got the mol order on me on an ex=parte basis i.e. her word against the court. I have the hearing in a few days time, and confident my sol will do a good job, as she knows the situation etc. i have no intention of speaking to x2be and will let my sol do it all...thats what i am paying them loads for.
she has not moved yet (local to where i am now)..but i know she will later on.
My sol did not suggest for an urgent hearing and suggested i keep a low profile and wait for the hearing...i mean her solicitor could not even reply back to mine - unless that was x2be being herself.
anyway she has to learn the hard way now, i used to help 24/7 when they were in hospital - bring drinks/food/stay overnight etc. but now she has to do it all on her own and get family & friends to help.

jazzyjustlaw

ex parte means without notice ie without the other party

odowdchr

Ritchie, you've just got to hang on in there and try and stay positive. Try and embrace single life, even if it's a real shock to the system at first. Things will get better with time, so as long as you don't let go of that belief, it WILL improve.

A friend of mine went through something similar....his wife decided that she didn't love him and moved out of the matrimonial home suddenly. He was trying to come to terms with the upheaval when he returned home after work to find that he'd been locked out of his own house and a 'restraining order' granted against him telling him to keep away from the property and avoiding all contact. It was based on a spurious allegation just designed to get his wife back into the property, after she'd spent a few nights in Council accomodation and realised just how tough it was going to be. Unfair Yes, unusual..No.
More important than getting legal advice was the fact that his friends and family gave him as much support as possible, because he felt ashamed at having such an order made against him for no reason, was worried what people would say etc... and could have sunk into deep depression.
For emotional support, my advice would be to go and see your family doctor, explain the situation and see what they can do for you, whether it be just seeing someone to communicate with and talk your way into a more confident state of mind, join a support group with other blokes in the same position, or maybe prescribe something for you to help you cope through the early period.
You have to let the legal process run it's course, but you'll be doing yourself a huge favour if you keep yourself on an even keel.

klare_2

Just had to come and add my two penny worth as well. My OH went through the divorce from hell and whilst I am aware that there are always two sides to every story I have witnessed the behaviour of Psycho-ex for myself unfortunately. All I can say is that divorce doesnt have to be like that and the women that play dirty this way are either highly unintelligent or nasty. either way you are better off without them and to be quite frank they make me feel embarressed to be classed as a woman alongside them. Even worse when they start dragging the children through it. IMO, and I hope to god that I am wrong, you are more than likely in for a bumpy ride and the courts will more than likely go in her favour a lot of the time. Make the most of all your friends and family, any support you can get. join the sites mentioned above and hang on in there. Really do wish you the best of luck.

rchddap1

It isn't fair and is not right dragging children into a divorce case. When my OH got divorced from his ex-wife he bent over backwards to make sure that it didn't affect his daughter and his relationship with her. If the hearing is in a few days then it is probably best to grit your teeth and try to hang on so that you can present your case and hopefully get the order lifted.

Good luck

margaretclare

klare wrote:

Just had to come and add my two penny worth as well. My OH went through the divorce from hell and whilst I am aware that there are always two sides to every story I have witnessed the behaviour of Psycho-ex for myself unfortunately. All I can say is that divorce doesnt have to be like that and the women that play dirty this way are either highly unintelligent or nasty. either way you are better off without them and to be quite frank they make me feel embarressed to be classed as a woman alongside them.

I totally, totally agree with klare. I would have thought my husband's last divorce was the 'divorce from hell' and the only redeeming feature there was that there were no children to be involved, thank God.

With the benefit of hindsight, we would have done it completely differently. I wanted to be married to him, you see, so I introduced him to my solicitor. I'm not sure she was the best person to do it, and in the event, we didn't get married until 2 1/2 years after his decree absolute, so I could have been a bit more patient.

What we should have done was not reveal his whereabouts at all (although when wifey's solicitors started sending letters we would have needed a solicitor to receive them, or could we have ignored them completely?) There was no way in the world she would have found out where he was. She'd already phoned round all his friends, family etc and got nowhere.

Then, in either 2 or 5 years (Bossyboots?) he could have done his own DIY divorce. Might have saved a lot of the to-ing and fro-ing and all the hassle, nastiness, lies (on her part) and all the acrimony.

Aunty Margaret

Bossyboots

Hello Aunty Margaret

After two years, your OH would still have needed the consent of his wife to the divorce. After five years her consent would not be needed. The only way to oppose a five year separation petition is if the respondent can show the divorce would cause him/her exceptional hardship but this is unlikely after that time as they must have been living on something during those years.

I don't think you would have found it any easier though, unless the original divorce was on a behaviour petition in which case that would have been avoided. You still have to put your address in the petition so she would have found out then where he was. You would still have had some degree of nastiness and acrimony, some people just can't help themselves. Was a property to be sorted out? I seem to recall from your other posts that there was. That could not be done without revealing his address either. At a push, he might have been able to obtain a Court order to withhold his address but there would need to be very compelling reasons for doing so.

You would be hard pushed to find a solicitor willing to receive your correspondence and be responsible for forwarding it to you. If he instructed a solicitor to act on his behalf though, wifey's solicitors would have been barred from corresponding with him directly.

Ignoring letters from his ex-wife would have been ill advised if they contained a request to deal with matters or threat of court proceedings as these would have gone ahead anyway. If they were writing to him, you can be pretty sure they had good reason to suspect he was living at the address so would just have had papers served personally, at his expense. You could of course have marked them "not at this address" but they would have sent someone to check.