The catty comments have started

headoutthesand

When OH found out how much debt we were in around Sept last year (thanks to 2 lovely phone calls from Capital 1 and Egg), he didn't go mad but i think this is mainly due to the fact that i wanted him out but he wanted to do all he could to stay.

Well we are 3 debts down, Next will be cleared by the end of the month then we tackle egg which should be cleared come july when we come to renew our mortgage, but he is getting very impatient. He was sacked recently and has just started a new job, lower salary, rubbish hours, longer journey to and from the place etc etc. so money isn't steady at the moment.

He is a member of the local golf course and the fees need to be paid by the start of April. His mum has very kindly offered to lend him the money for the fees which is fine.

He now wants to buy the latest golf clubs but when i told him we were skint and that he should be looking at our finances instead of clubs he went ballistic and said if i had done that in the first place we wouldn't be in this mess.

I didn't have an answer for him other than the fact i didn't spend it all on me - i actually paid the bills with the CC and withdrew money to pay the childminder to avoid us going OD and building up bank charges.


Rant over - thanks for listening/reading

ZTD

And what was wrong with *him* doing that in the first place.

Only children have no responsibilities...

headoutthesand

I'm sorry ZTD, i don't understand your comment......

red74

Your OH is just as responsible for your household finances as you are. It's not fair that he's blaming you for it, he should have been looking at the finances too. I think that's what ZTD is getting at, and I agree.

skint_spice

Hi HOTS,
I think what Z meant (he can jump in and correct me though) is that your husband was equally responsible for paying the bills etc and yet he seems to be acting as if it was your fault entirely.
Feel free to rant - we'll listen!

ZTD

skint_spice wrote: »

Hi HOTS,
I think what Z meant (he can jump in and correct me though) is that your husband was equally responsible for paying the bills etc and yet he seems to be acting as if it was your fault entirely.
Feel free to rant - we'll listen!

No correction required. It's easy to blame other people, but he is as equally responsible for getting into trouble as the OP - as he has an equal burden bear to get then both out of trouble.

And that means prioritising food over golf clubs.

boredofbeingathome

Wish i had an answer for you, except to say i can sympathise. If it helps tell him to go and do the shopping pay the bills and worry about the finances- you've had your lightbulb moment and have done all you can to remedy it, so he should pull his dummy out of his mouth and get on with it.

SarahNeedle1872

When my OH moans, I tell him that I will transfer all the bills to his name and *he* can stress about whether they get paid or not! Needless to say that shuts him up!
Family finances should be a joint responsibilty, and even if it wasn't him that physically spent the money, he must have been a contributing factor!

Sarah x

smashedbooboo

Golf clubs. That old nugget. funny how me and my ex did not have enough money to pay bills etc but he had a brand new set of golf clubs. I bought myself a piece of jewellery once. Paid in installments. Guess who was to blame for all the debts. Moi. He told me i should get rid of my ring. But hey. Guess who still has the clubs. Dont take it to heart babe. Its not your fault. And you are doing so well with your debts. Food and bills come before golf club subs. xxxxxxxxx

jackieb

My OH has had a good year salary wise, and when he got his March payslip in, he pointed to his total salary for the past 11 months and he said to me, 'what have you spent all that on'?!!

He does work hard for his money but it's me who arranges to pay everything. It's me who went alone to apply for a mortgage ( because HE wants to move). He doesn't know, and has no interest in how much our bills cost. In a way i'm kind of glad because he doesn't interfere, but when he asked what i'd spent all the last 11 month's wages on I had to give it to him with both guns! It's him who wants the full Sky package at £55 a month. That's one thing I can't cancel because it's in his name. It's him who chose a car that costs us £285 a month in loan repayments (even though he drives about 3 times every 2 months!) It's him who always has to have a new mobile phone, whereas mine is about 5 years old (and does me just fine!) It's him who insisted I go and spend £2200 on a TV and surround sound, and when we got it, he said if I hadn't wanted to pay that I shouldn't have got it - but he'd whined and moaned so much beforehand, saying what was the point in working away for so long if he didn't have anything to enjoy when he got home....aargh!!

You have my sympathies!

headoutthesand

Well thank you all for taking the time to reply.

Sorry ZTD, DS2 was screaming so i had to log off before you replied.

I was actually quite taken aback when he said it cos it's the first time it's came up.

I posted last year to say we had done a car boot to raise some dosh and while i was away collecting the kids he went on ebay and spent all we had made on a golf club.

I think he's more annoyed at the NEXT account but only because it's in my name. As far as he's concerned i've spent it all on myself. the clothes for the boys, new suit, jacket, jeans etc for him and a whole load of christmas pressies don't count.

the capital one card is in his name so it was no problem for him to withdraw £800 to pay last years golf fees but it's a mega problem for me withdrawing £200 a month to pay the childminder.

Needless to say this is all pre LBM. His is kinda flickering at the moment. i've shown him snowball and he's understanding why it's best to pay one thing a t a time. I've also talked him out of adding the capital one on to the mortgage in the summer too.

It just annoys me so much that he's happy for me to have all the bills in my name, for me to arrange the mortgage etc, buy clothes, go for shopping but when there is less than £100 in the bank 2 weeks before payday it's a l my fault.

he thinks nothing of spending £30 in the pub on a saturday afternoon but if i need to put more petrol in the car it means i'm wasting petrol.

He's a golf snob so wants the best of stuff and sees my 'income' from Ebay as a green light to buying golf balls etc as "technically i'm not spending money":mad: :mad:

oh i could go on for ever and ever but i'll stop here.

thanks again to all the replies.