Ex-husband refusing to pay maintenance and won't allow me to sell the house either

Pinky9

Hooray, just thought I'd let you know that I received a Certificate today telling me that i've been awarded Legal Aid. So at last there should be some action and I shall finally be able to move on! Literally!!!

Thanks for all your support,

Wish me luck,

Pinky x

madfrenchgirl

Sorry to hear about this Pinky9. My dad ditched my Mom and divorced her 4 months ago leaving her with only 32 grands, knowing that he has loads of money and just bought himself a house for him to live in with his new bimbo/wife ("young Romanian Lady" in his own terms).

The difference is he filed for divorce for moral harassment from her part. LOL (sarcastic)

Anyway, i can conceive what you are going thru as it always seems that the one requesting money in the divorce (and not necessarilly responsible for the mess) is the one being treated like a "criminal". I bet you had to produce all sorts of proof of income while he is not required to include his bonuses and other benefits.

I hope it gets well. But if he was supposed to contribute to your houshold at 1700 a month then he is loaded and does not have any valuable excuse for not attending to his duties!

november

Hope your new solicitor gets you the result you want and need Pinky9. Also hope you manage to get some maintenance.

I had one of 'those' ex's as well many years ago. It never ceases to amaze me how some people can put their own control freakery before the welfare of their children. I got sorted eventually. I lost my (our) house as he got the house and I got the kids and I got a total of £8K which he really resented and told me I 'owed' him for years but now own my own which still gives me a warm glow of 'I did this by myself'

My ex may still be wealthier than me but I know I'm better off

Good luck and best wishes for the future x

Pinky9

You know, it's not really the money, if it wasn't for needing to buy a home for me and the kids I think I would have walked away months ago - I am so much happier and fulfilled now. I have again the sense of freedom and confidence in my own ability, which after 5 years of mental and finally physical abuse, I never thought I could feel again! The sale of the house, and ultimately being able to cut the ties of his control is the day I am so looking forward to.

Starting again, at my age (43), could be considered to be somewhat daunting but for me it will be a fresh beginning - and I intend to get it right this time!

The sad thing is, he is involved (I believe living with) a new partner who has a small child, and she just doesn't know what she's letting herself in for. She will be seeing what I saw right now, charming, loving, caring, generous and understanding but it's all an act. Actually, my thoughts are with her and her future - we don't speak so there's nothing I can do, and it's probably not my place to anyway, but he's been married twice and both have ended up the same way so I really do feel for her! I truly believe that he can never change and the lies and deceit will have started already!

Will keep you posted on any developments but hopefully within a few months I will be settled into my new (peaceful) life. I know we have a son together and I shall always have to have contact with him, and I am always civil for my son's sake, but at least I know he will not be able to twist the knife any more!

Thanks to everybody for their support and kindness,

Pinky x

november

Pinky9 wrote:

You know, it's not really the money,

I understand that totally and agree. Thats what I meant about my being better off than my wealthier ex.

Sometimes the cost of getting money you are entitled to works out being higher than any money you end up with! Hopefully though the end result balances this out. By that I mean confidence and happiness and being able to start afresh (plus your new home!) has a very high value also. I still think you should get what you are entitled to though financially and wish you luck in doing so

Incidentally I've started again a couple of times (and am really really getting it right this time ). The last time was at age 42 which was fortunately amicable and only involved an emotional re-starting rather than a big financial upheaval. Although 42/43 seemed like 'old' when I was in my 20's I've now realised it is no age at all with lots of years left to live a new life in and far too many years left to waste being unhappy

Pinky9

November - you're so right! At 43 I have for the first time joined the gym and go at least 3 times a week. My son (3) goes in the creche and then we go swimming. I was not allowed any kind of social life during my marriage, especially not alone, so it's all quite new to me. At first I thought I was being selfish wanting to do something for myself - probably years of being down-trodden, but my son loves the creche (he's a very sociable child) and I feel rejuvenated after an hour of toning!

At last I have realised that much as I love my children, I too am entitled to a life, and as long as they are comfortable and happy with what they are doing it's ok for me to be happy too!

Here's to the future eh?

Pinky x