Mental state?

windswept

I'm quite frankly astounded, if you had £34000 spare to pay off your mortgage, you are nowhere near poor, you could have still paid £22k off your house and had an extra £1000 a month to play with for goodness sake!
Do something like taking the kids to Florida and live a little - they are only young once.
You are deliberately depriving yourself of a very comfortable life, something many families will never have, what on earth for?
I'm sure many people reading your post are quite insulted that you "feel poor".
There's plenty of time in which to pay a mortgage off when kids are grown up and out of the way - you don't know what is around the corner and you only have one life.

neverdespairgirl

windswept wrote: »

Do something like taking the kids to Florida and live a little - they are only young once.
You are deliberately depriving yourself of a very comfortable life, something many families will never have, what on earth for?
.

Going to Florida - not the be-all-and-end-all of life, you know! What's so special about a culture-free swamp? I've never been there, and feel I've missed precisely nothing. There is no power on earth which could drag me there, so my son's going to grow up all deprived as well.

OP - I agree, I think you need to both be careful with money, and give yourselves (and not just the children, but you and OH as well) a "treats" budget. That doesn't mean you have to go mad and blow the national debt on plasma screens, but just budget a bit per month for spending money.

ZTD

Right - first of all, you need a treats budget. Money is not for the house - it's for you as a family.

Second - I understand the need to keep control, especially given your past, but there are ways and means of doing so.

A musician keeps control of their instrument with a light touch - but remains in control at all times. A dictator crushes with a heavy hand and tolerates nothing.

Which is it to be? Are you going to have your family performing together, or are you going to have them subjugated?

boredofbeingathome

windswept wrote: »

I'm quite frankly astounded, if you had £34000 spare to pay off your mortgage, you are nowhere near poor, you could have still paid £22k off your house and had an extra £1000 a month to play with for goodness sake!
Do something like taking the kids to Florida and live a little - they are only young once.
You are deliberately depriving yourself of a very comfortable life, something many families will never have, what on earth for?
I'm sure many people reading your post are quite insulted that you "feel poor".
There's plenty of time in which to pay a mortgage off when kids are grown up and out of the way - you don't know what is around the corner and you only have one life.

I'm not insulted, and i can see that she wants to pay off the mortgage to secure the future. I think she is asking how to gain a balance in life and I like the bit at the end, its true you never know what is round the corner. I wish we all had the wisdom to get it right all the time it's good that she can ask and is sensitive to the comments that her child asked.

boredofbeingathome

ZTD wrote: »

Right - first of all, you need a treats budget. Money is not for the house - it's for you as a family.

Second - I understand the need to keep control, especially given your past, but there are ways and means of doing so.

A musician keeps control of their instrument with a light touch - but remains in control at all times. A dictator crushes with a heavy hand and tolerates nothing.

Which is it to be? Are you going to have your family performing together, or are you going to have them subjugated?

Good analalogy z, i never thought about a family as an orchestra before, it makes a lot of sense.

Wol2

Hi Hime

ZTD....You have cropped up on a number of threads I am watching/posting...and your post here is I think most pertinent.

I may gravititate to the DFW board a lot...but I do not consider myself in debt apart from the mortgage. I have a rather large mortgage......but it is an offset with cash in the savings pot...and I paid for my car on 0% CC (to keep the savings offsetting the mortgage) and have been tarting that debt ever since (3 yrs) (because I didn't want to take the cash out of the offset).

A mortgage is one of the best interest rates for debt you get....and therefore overdrafts and CC's (unless they are 0%) are the first things to pay off, in order of highest interest rates (At least that's the message I get from this site!!)

And the offset for me is about to come in very handy as I have about £25k to shell out in fixing my house after the flood before the insurance cheque arrives so I can just draw down on the offset (or lose my savings cash) without resorting to CC's and associated higher interest rates.

So Hime..it's not necessarily just a case of being focused on being debt free at all costs ref mortgage...it's a question of managing your money wisely to ensure you don't pay over the odds on interest...yet still have an enjoyable life and work towards you goals of being debt-free within an acceptable timescale. Perhpas you need to re-visit your targets, aspirations and timescales?

There is no way I'd be able to put £34k overpayment into my mortgage in one year...and I have to say well done Hime for doing that....my hat goes off to you. :T But...in view of your post....perhaps you need to relax the focus a little on the mortgage if the penalty for doing this is increased interest rates for debt on OD or CC? ...and the effect in terms of potential stress it may be have on you and your family?

However...it is totally up to you to decide what's best for you at the end of the day. You really have done a superlative job...quite bionic for most of us! I am in awe!! (perhaps that might help you establish a validation/reference point for how well you've done?)

I wish you well in your endeavours..you have certainly set a laudable standard!!

Much love
Wol2

Hime

I hope she is ok, you are right, the now is important. Take care and thanks.

Hime

Wol2 wrote: »

Hi Hime

ZTD....You have cropped up on a number of threads I am watching/posting...and your post here is I think most pertinent.

I may gravititate to the DFW board a lot...but I do not consider myself in debt apart from the mortgage. I have a rather large mortgage......but it is an offset with cash in the savings pot...and I paid for my car on 0% CC (to keep the savings offsetting the mortgage) and have been tarting that debt ever since (3 yrs) (because I didn't want to take the cash out of the offset).

A mortgage is one of the best interest rates for debt you get....and therefore overdrafts and CC's (unless they are 0%) are the first things to pay off, in order of highest interest rates (At least that's the message I get from this site!!)

And the offset for me is about to come in very handy as I have about £25k to shell out in fixing my house after the flood before the insurance cheque arrives so I can just draw down on the offset (or lose my savings cash) without resorting to CC's and associated higher interest rates.

So Hime..it's not necessarily just a case of being focused on being debt free at all costs ref mortgage...it's a question of managing your money wisely to ensure you don't pay over the odds on interest...yet still have an enjoyable life and work towards you goals of being debt-free within an acceptable timescale. Perhpas you need to re-visit your targets, aspirations and timescales?

There is no way I'd be able to put £34k overpayment into my mortgage in one year...and I have to say well done Hime for doing that....my hat goes off to you. :T But...in view of your post....perhaps you need to relax the focus a little on the mortgage if the penalty for doing this is increased interest rates for debt on OD or CC? ...and the effect in terms of potential stress it may be have on you and your family?

However...it is totally up to you to decide what's best for you at the end of the day. You really have done a superlative job...quite bionic for most of us! I am in awe!! (perhaps that might help you establish a validation/reference point for how well you've done?)

I wish you well in your endeavours..you have certainly set a laudable standard!!

Much love
Wol2

Wol2. It was that we had money available and we upped the repayments, but now are repaying the minumum, to give us time to save and I suppose do more as a family. It was really OH who got so low, but today the sun is shining and we are going out into the garden to work on the veg and plant the cherry tree. The girls are going to their dance class, and DS is still in bed. Everyone has been great. Thanks so much.

Hime

windswept wrote: »

I'm quite frankly astounded, if you had £34000 spare to pay off your mortgage, you are nowhere near poor, you could have still paid £22k off your house and had an extra £1000 a month to play with for goodness sake!
Do something like taking the kids to Florida and live a little - they are only young once.
You are deliberately depriving yourself of a very comfortable life, something many families will never have, what on earth for?
I'm sure many people reading your post are quite insulted that you "feel poor".
There's plenty of time in which to pay a mortgage off when kids are grown up and out of the way - you don't know what is around the corner and you only have one life.

There is and never has been any intention to insult anyone, and as I pointed out, it has become a mental state, the notion of not coping financially. Apologies to anyone who feels that I moaned too much or belittled anyone's situation by complaining about mine.

Hime

Yep, the eating out at lunch thing is mind boggling, I agree. This is her second such outing in a year, normally I suggest other plans, like everyone coming here. But not this time!