Mental state?

Hime

Last night, my wonderful OH let out a big sigh and asked me why we are so poor. It was dreadful. It stemmed from the fact the DD1 had a half day off school and went to town with a friend 'for lunch'. I offered to make her a snack so that she would not be too hungry and therefore not need to spend too much, which she turned down. The friend would only eat in Pizza Express, so my DD1 had garlic bread. The friend then shared her pizza. This is not about the friends, we all help each other out when we can....but OH feared that our DD1 would feel as if she was not in her mate's league, or that her mate would feel sorry for her. (There is no evidence of this).
We have talked about upping her pocket money and both our DDs are doing a lot more around the house therefore 'earning' more.

But the biggest, most worrying fact is that we are NOT poor. We collectively earn more than the national average. We have savings, we have reduced our mortgage by 34,000 in the last 12 months, (and are now working on saving again, which is proving hard)...we run a budget, make food from scratch, all the things that this site advocates. But at the end of each month, with pay, child allowance etc we are still in the red. Neither of us feel comfortable about money in that we worry about it all the time. I have always worried about the poverty mentality that I tend to carry with me, (many years as a single, self employed mum did not help) but now think that the love of my life has been tainted with it by me.
This is really a rant, but there must be people out there like me who sometimes feel that they will never be on top of it all in their hearts and minds, even though the paperwork tells us otherwise....(I hope it is not just us!!)
Any ideas to help my man feel good about how much he does for us all and that the hard work pays off in the end?

MoneyGypsy

Hi,

it sounds like you must have yourselves on a pretty tight budget if you manged to reduce you mortgage by that much in a year (well done on that), but have you left any room for some fun. Sometimes we can be so focused on the debt that we can forget that it is okay to budget in some money for actually having a life.

Lol.

Hime

we do try to remember that.....thanks for the comment.

biglad

i can see where your coming from but you do need to have some money as otherwise you will just feel like your working for nothing we all need a treat everynow and then.

i have around £100 a month and even told payplan what i wanted to pay my creditors which is a lot to me. if i get anymore from overtime i then save it and the £100 includes treating my lovely gf for helping me keep a strong mental state about my money. and maintenance for my mountain nike which is only form of transport.

maybe its time to look at things and just let yourself have the odd treat, all the time and its not a treat but if its spaced out enough you appreciate it. i know its easier said than done

in my first year on a DMP i wouldnt let myself anything, now decided to save for trips away and give myself the odd treat here and there

Hime

thanks biglad, we are actually planning a car trip this summer, putting bits of change together for that....something to look forward to....enjoy your treats.

kel123_2

It's hard to get the life/work balance spot on. In our experience sometimes it is more important to buy the pizza then pay a bit more off the debts. Probably why i'm not stinking rich! Remembered pain is a big motivator and effects our current attitudes. Have you ever watched the film Educating Rita? Basically about a women who swops from working class to middle class to find that both classes have the same mondain problems. The grass isn't greener over there it's the same colour your just looking at it from a different perspective. Happyness isn't retrospective it's now and how you feel now is more important than how you felt yesterday.:j :j :j

Gemmzie

I think you're being too hard on yourself too Hime, give your budget a little more leway and slow the savings a little. There's no point saving if you don't have enough to get through the month!

churchrat

what are you doing all this saving and mortgage paying for???? is it because you are scared of what life holds around the corner or do you have a dream of being mortgage free by 40yrs???????????????? live a little, I don't mean spend money you havn't got on days out for the kids, but believe me, the worst thing in life is not"being in debt" but missing out on your kids childhood. I really wish that I could go back to the time before my DD became ill and spend all the time I spent worrying about money just playing with her, watching her enjoy herself, spend time with my sons-- yes money is important, but it is not everything. If you managed £34k off the mortgage last yr you could maybe have managed enough for her to have a pizza for a treat?? not everyday, but for a treat so that she grows up knowing the value of things and not just feeling like she is missing out. there is a balance to to struck. (just don't ask me what it is cos I don't know!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
good luck and have some fun!

churchrat

what are you doing all this saving and mortgage paying for???? is it because you are scared of what life holds around the corner or do you have a dream of being mortgage free by 40yrs???????????????? live a little, I don't mean spend money you havn't got on days out for the kids, but believe me, the worst thing in life is not"being in debt" but missing out on your kids childhood. I really wish that I could go back to the time before my DD became ill and spend all the time I spent worrying about money just playing with her, watching her enjoy herself, spend time with my sons-- yes money is important, but it is not everything. If you managed £34k off the mortgage last yr you could maybe have managed enough for her to have a pizza for a treat?? not everyday, but for a treat so that she grows up knowing the value of things and not just feeling like she is missing out. there is a balance to to struck. (just don't ask me what it is cos I don't know!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
good luck and have some fun!

churchrat

opps seem to have posted double--maybe my pennyworth is worth twice what I thought???

toria27

Do you collect clubcard points and nectar points? if you do you could treat yourselves using them therefore spending no money. It is my OH's 30th birthday on Monday and we are going to the cinema gold class style ie free popcorn & pringles and reclining leather chairs, this is using only half of the nectar points I have on my card. This is a really big treat for us as we have a 2year old and have also arranged for her to spend the Sunday night away so we can have a lie in together.
We also use our tesco deals to go to the zoo for example as a family as long as you take a pack lunch it doesn't cost you anything apart from petrol.