Lending money to friends & family

jennihen

vintage_007 wrote: »

Okay, this is the first time I've used a site like this so I hope I'm in the right place!

Basically, a very close family member has poor credit rating and a lot of debts, with personal loans, credit cards, catalogues, etc. The total amount is between £10-20k.

As a student, it seems nearly impossible for me to take out a loan to help (and I'm also not sure this is a brilliant idea) but debt consolidation loans seem unwilling to help either.

Does anyone have any ideas? Or any thoughts on lending this amount of money to a very close relative?

Thank you!

Bad move! If 'professional' money lenders think it is a bad risk to loan to this family member . . . .
Much of the advice on these boards is against taking out consolidation loans to pay off debts.
Your relative would be better advised contacting one of the free debt advice charities and/or posting on the Debtfree wannabe board. £15-20k debt means some real changes in attitude towards spending.
i was advised NOT to take a consolidation loan 3 years ago. I'd still be paying it off for another 2 years . . . instead I have been debtfree for 7 months!!!

Triangle

Hi all

I'm suprising myself posting on here but perhaps its the best way to vent!

Me and DH lent £120 to his best mate just before our wedding. After 6 months of chasing it up, the 'best mate' and his girlfriend contacted us on Sunday to tell us we would never be getting the money back and to stop texting (we text them once a month as a reminder).

I realise that £120 must seem a very small amount to many of you but this has upset us so much, mostly because of his attitude...it felt like a kick in the teeth. We did so much for his best mate before he got with his current girlfriend, helped him decorate his flat, always inviting him out...the list could go on and on.

Still, there is no fool like an old fool - previously the best mate had borrowed £800 off a then girlfriend and she received less then half back. Why o why did we lend him money having known that?! Ah, hindsight.

Never never again - DH and this mate will never again speak - after 10 years of friendship.

Please, all who are thinking of lending money - be careful - if you give it, don't expect it back and if you get it back, it will be a nice suprise.

T

ejbg2001

I can understand how all of you who lent to "friends" feel. My debtor is someone closer to home, my mum.

She has a severe problem with spending, is in so much debt that she doesn't know where to start and will not admit she has a problem. Some of it is due the mental health issues, but her non-acceptance of how bad her spending problems are cause so many problems in our family.

For example, she was paid 3 weeks ago and went on a weekend away with my sister. She paid for the petrol down and back, and the hotel room for 2 nights, but my sister ended up paying for breakfasts and dinners (which mum was supposed to pay for) and a meal out, total £100.

Two weeks later, mum had run out of electricity (she's on a key meter) as she had "put the wrong amount on the key, mixing it with the gas card". She first asked my sister, who advised that she had no ore money, having spent it away. Then she asked me and my brother. I ummed and ahhed as she does this frequently and I know I will never see it. When I rang back, my brother had sorted it.

She has borrowed many large amounts from each of us and we know we will never see it again, destroying the trust between us and it makes it very difficult to believe anything she says, whether it is about money or anything else. She has many CCJs against her name and feels that owing money to companies is a victimless crime...

If she asks to borrow anything now, I offer food, but no cash ("I can't afford it."). I learned more from MSE about budgeting than I ever learned from her as she won't share her info as she is so far in debt that she will never be debt free (unless she owned up to her responsibilities and did something about it, like visiting this site). My youngest sister is still at home and has no idea how to budget or manage money and will be in the same boat the rest of us were in when we first left home.

It sucks when its a family member, as you can't do anything about it and you can't really cut off ties, you just have to ignore it (until they ask for more money!).

jennihen

Just been suckered myself - after giving advice NOT to lend to friends and family!!!
The only consolation is that I can absorb the loss and next month , if they come begging, I will categorically say "No!"

maz1964

jennihen wrote: »

Just been suckered myself - after giving advice NOT to lend to friends and family!!!
The only consolation is that I can absorb the loss and next month , if they come begging, I will categorically say "No!"

hiya

know how you feel but what about asking them to put petrol in your tank as you have no money to get to work now as you lent them that money,,, it would really help you - try and act out a really sad sob story and get your money back this way and then never ever again lend to them again

its worth a shot if nothing else works

have a fun day maz

kezzy85

2 close friends of mine are in a situatuion the males friend has been trying to help the female friend out buy giving her money..shes gota big credit card bill and her partners been made reduant so been short of money..he nos this and as a result has been willingly transferring money to her account for a few months..she has told him not to but is also grateful for the help..shes told him this and he insists its fine as a result its added up to about 10k.he was not worried about this at all untill his dad accidentially opened his post and found his bank statement hes gone mad that hes been giving her money..now is dad is trying to ring her to demand it back saying becuase hes got depression and another mental health issue she took advantage of him becuase hes illshe knew he had dpression as she does too but she didnt no the rest ..shes really upset and is really worrying ..she nos its alot of money but he had no probs doing it even after she told him not to (he never told her when he was sending it or how much till she recieved it in her bank) she cant afford to pay it back but his dads threatning to go to the police.the guy has broken all contact with her which we both think its cos of his dad and shes scared shes gona get arrested...whose right and can she be arrested for this even thou hes willingly sent it???will she have to pay it back..theres nothing written saying hes ever wanted it back so as far as she knew it was to help her out.the girls partner knew bout it and he asked told him not to send it but he inisisted it was fine and he just wanted to help a friend. the girl rang him today and she said to him u never sed u wanted it back and i never asked u for it and he agreed saying i no u didnt and i no u cant pay it back but she was crying to much she hung up but its dads on about legal and police what can happen? im friends with both and although its nothing to do with me im hearing it from both and i want to help or offer advice.

harryhound

Please can we have the ages of the male and female involved (& the dad's age if you want).

Legally if everyone is aged 18 or more they are all adults.
I know how the father feels, I had a similar experience with my late mother: She had a stroke and lost all sense of value. She paid a whole week's pension to a door to door hawker selling small packets of dubious fish and started a love affair with Readers Digest - buying lots of books she could no longer read.
I had to confiscate her cheque book.

This story reminds me of Jack and the Bean Stalk - Jack swapped his money for some "Magic Beans".
Unfortunately "The fool and his money are soon parted................" applies today, as it always has.

RobertoMoir

Phill_Anderson wrote: »

Money is the most important part of our lives.A man with no money can do nothing.,

I feel so very sorry for anyone who genuinely believes the above statement.

KPR11

Hi all,

My brothers bailed me out when I had run a lot of debt. I am in the process of repaying it all (should be done repaying them in about 8 months )!!

Just wanted to say that we all have mixed experiences but if it weren't for the kindness of family, and some friends, then a lot of us wouldn't be where we are!! I for one would probably be on the streets!!

So whilst it is necessary to be prudent, I think it is also important to realise that people and relationships are more important than money!! My take on it!!

Good luck!!

jennihen

RobertoMoir wrote: »

I feel so very sorry for anyone who genuinely believes the above statement.

Agreed. My new philosophy is 'Money is a commodity I buy with my time'
It help differentiate between 'want' and 'need'. Do I want to work x hours for this or do I need to work x hours for this. I'm not a lazy person by any means but my time is precious - I have to spend it wisely!

Back to the thread - by family agreement we have decided to stop bailing out a certain member. By conferring we have ascertained that this family member and her partner have received several thousand pounds in total from us. We are in a difficult position as we have received a very large inheritance so said family member knows we can help out. But does this mean she doesn't have to pay us back?
We're taking a 'tough love' approach - you make your bed and you lie in it.
Its hard and we will be made out to be the bad guys but so be it. The best lessons in life are the ones hardest learnt.