Lending money to friends & family

mazz1953

Many years ago, when I got my divorce settlement, I loaned a "friend" £500.00 to buy a second-hand car (they pestered me for the loan). They agreed to pay me £50 per month, but I never got more than one payment and that was very late. I used to visit them regularly, play with the children etc and on one of those visits, her husband provoked a row with me over sometime really trivial and he said I was no longer welcomed at their house. My friend never said a word to me, although we had been friends for many years and never rowed before. Some time later, they did apologise to me for their behaviour and wanted us to become friends again, but I much preferred to write off any chances of getting my money than renew our friendship.

I have decided that if ever I need to get rid of a friend, I only need to lent them some money and Hey Presto! problem solved.

gttltzy

no and no...

andrewt74

A couple of general points (possibly a bit obvious to anyone who's read much of this forum!)

Often friends/family ask to borrow money because, frankly, they're not good at managing money and are living beyond their means. These are the worst people to lend to; chances are you won't get it back simply because they won't be able to pay it back (even though at the time they probably believed they could). I've learned this with friends & housemates with, thankfully, very small amounts of money.
If they're living beyond their means they won't change just to repay your loan. Habits take a long time to form and a long time to break! I think they need friendly advice more than a loan.

Another no no has got to be lending to friends who are starting a business. So many go bankrupt in the first couple of years. Banks vet startups when loaning but if it's your friend's your probably not going to be able to do this objectively/properly, making your loan even more risky.

alicecookson

good advice

Want_to_be_free

brownbabygirl wrote: »

this thread is full of those of us who have lent money and never got it back. Is there anyone willing to admit they have borrowed money and not paid it back and why? I would love to know why most never want to pay back what they borrow

---

I never borrowed money, it was always other way around. This was until my car failed in service and had to pay just under £1000. At the time, my so called best friend was hiding £5000 in my bank account as she was going through messy divorce. I agreed to keep the money for her because; she said this was her son's money for Uni.
She also said if I needed I could borrow it and not worry about paying it back until he starts Uni. At that time, he was 14. This was last year early September.

The cut the story short, I asked her if I could borrow to pay for my car and she said yes. So I took £1000 and paid the bloody car. Meanwhile after reading at MSE, I advised her to put the money to her son’s name and get interest. I learnt that her husband cannot touch the money in her son’s account. (He is not the father for the kid) .Then I transferred her remaining money to another account for her.

At the time I borrowed the money we did not talk about payment but I always knew I would have to pay back before her son started to Uni.

In Dec, I gave her £150 and planning to pay her back £100 every month until the debt was cleared...Then in early Jan January my partner committed suicide, my son diagnosed with ASD and I am told that my job will go away in November...I would still pay her regardless off any of these things. The day my partner was dying in hospital, she called me and told me that she did not want to involve with me any more because my life was so complicated. Even then I did not think of not paying her back…I would pay her because I borrowed the damn thing…

After that conversation on 10th Jan, she did not call me. She didn’t even say she was sorry for my loss. She did not come to see me nor send me a card. She removed me from her Facebook.

Prior to this event, we had no problems. We helped each other with many things just like any of good friends would do. Maybe I did not do any fun things with her at the time but my partner was really not well. Ok she did couple of things that annoyed me such as cheating on her OH but I kept quite as we must sometimes. I was always there for her when things weren’t going well for her. And this is the honest truth, I did nothing wrong towards her except my life became complicated and she dropped me in a second.

In March, she sent me a text and demanded me to pay her back immediately. When I received that text, something happened with me, I felt so calm and texted her back which only said ‘NO’
I am so angry with her because the way she asked for money, we have been friends for many many years and she should know me well. I have never borrowed once and not pay back…She became insensitive, cold hearted !!!!!…I haven’t send any money to her so far, how could I? I don’t even know where to send the money…Although she gave her account number to our common friend to pass it to me and I told him not to involve himself because I know she will come and ask herself and I am waiting for that day.

Well, I also believe what comes around goes around… I don’t wish her those things that happened to me. Off course I will pay the money back, when she gives me her bank details not via 3rd party. After all I have done nothing wrong but she did…And my very naughty side tells me once I get the account details I shall pay her £10 per month , that is 850 months- well after all she told me I can pay whenever, and I can learn to be a heartless !!!!! after 40

So here we go, you asked and I replied…And sorry for the people genuinely lost their money , I understand the pain because years ago I lost about £5K to then BF whom conveniently disappeared after the money transferred, it was all planned by him carefully …He is out of country…What comes around goes around, yeah hopefully what comes around goes around....

Asa

Where i come from, if you dont pay up.

and refuse to pay, the law of street is used where you pay with you life/blood/bones or your property.

I would never lend any money i couldnt afford to loose nor would i lend to a friend, even if you trust them with your life, peoples financial situations can change dramatically

Asa

Want_to_be_free wrote: »

---

I never borrowed money, it was always other way around. This was until my car failed in service and had to pay just under £1000. At the time, my so called best friend was hiding £5000 in my bank account as she was going through messy divorce. I agreed to keep the money for her because; she said this was her son's money for Uni.
She also said if I needed I could borrow it and not worry about paying it back until he starts Uni. At that time, he was 14. This was last year early September.

The cut the story short, I asked her if I could borrow to pay for my car and she said yes. So I took £1000 and paid the bloody car. Meanwhile after reading at MSE, I advised her to put the money to her son’s name and get interest. I learnt that her husband cannot touch the money in her son’s account. (He is not the father for the kid) .Then I transferred her remaining money to another account for her.

At the time I borrowed the money we did not talk about payment but I always knew I would have to pay back before her son started to Uni.

In Dec, I gave her £150 and planning to pay her back £100 every month until the debt was cleared...Then in early Jan January my partner committed suicide, my son diagnosed with ASD and I am told that my job will go away in November...I would still pay her regardless off any of these things. The day my partner was dying in hospital, she called me and told me that she did not want to involve with me any more because my life was so complicated. Even then I did not think of not paying her back…I would pay her because I borrowed the damn thing…

After that conversation on 10th Jan, she did not call me. She didn’t even say she was sorry for my loss. She did not come to see me nor send me a card. She removed me from her Facebook.

Prior to this event, we had no problems. We helped each other with many things just like any of good friends would do. Maybe I did not do any fun things with her at the time but my partner was really not well. Ok she did couple of things that annoyed me such as cheating on her OH but I kept quite as we must sometimes. I was always there for her when things weren’t going well for her. And this is the honest truth, I did nothing wrong towards her except my life became complicated and she dropped me in a second.

In March, she sent me a text and demanded me to pay her back immediately. When I received that text, something happened with me, I felt so calm and texted her back which only said ‘NO’
I am so angry with her because the way she asked for money, we have been friends for many many years and she should know me well. I have never borrowed once and not pay back…She became insensitive, cold hearted !!!!!…I haven’t send any money to her so far, how could I? I don’t even know where to send the money…Although she gave her account number to our common friend to pass it to me and I told him not to involve himself because I know she will come and ask herself and I am waiting for that day.

Well, I also believe what comes around goes around… I don’t wish her those things that happened to me. Off course I will pay the money back, when she gives me her bank details not via 3rd party. After all I have done nothing wrong but she did…And my very naughty side tells me once I get the account details I shall pay her £10 per month , that is 850 months- well after all she told me I can pay whenever, and I can learn to be a heartless !!!!! after 40

So here we go, you asked and I replied…And sorry for the people genuinely lost their money , I understand the pain because years ago I lost about £5K to then BF whom conveniently disappeared after the money transferred, it was all planned by him carefully …He is out of country…What comes around goes around, yeah hopefully what comes around goes around....

You have a very bad naughty side! i would pay it before the kid is 18 (as agreed) as it isnt his fault about the falling out and i would be very unhappy if i couldnt pay for my own uni fees because my mother lent the money to someone and they fell out so id be getting it back in dribs and drabs. (im an 18yrold student btw)

anyway, who needs people like her,if she was so heartless to treat you like that in a time of need, you'd better off paying it of asap and keeping her out of your life. you owe the kid money really as it was borrowed out of his money.

Good luck

Asa

harryhound

Two wrongs don't make a right.

Serendipity

harryhound wrote: »

Two wrongs don't make a right.

But revenge is sweet

A_Phoenix_of_Tangerine

harryhound wrote: »

Two wrongs don't make a right.

Serendipity wrote: »

But revenge is sweet

I feel like I should add another idiom on to this list for fun, but I think i'll save the space for someone more insightful than I