Heavily in Debt!!!!! Advice please

slash40

klare, i know exactly how you feel being in a similar situation myself. my partner and i have been together for 11 years and have 2 kids 8 and 10.i have always been the main wage earner which is not the problem (better qualified).he has mental health and some behavioural problems which have got worse over the years, he makes no effort to try and get help and is totally self obsessed. as a result any sympathy i may have had has gone out of the window a long time ago - especially with 2 kids who are dependant on me.he has a massive problem with money, rarely works(due to his mental health) and gets dla of which a chunk is taken every month to pay back a previous overpayment. he is totally secretive with his money, i never know what hes got and not only does he spend the majority of his money on himself for totally inappropriate things (gambling, football, x box games etc) he then comes to me and pesters continously for more. this is not just for small things either, hes had too many (cheap) cars to remember, games systems,loans etc etc.when i try and discuss things with him he either says "yes i understand blah, blah" or he accuses me of moaning and says i am making his mental health worse.as a result i couldn`t pay rent(had to move frequently due to arrears), i owed £4,500 in arrears with c/tax and in total £35,000 in debt. i even tried going to uni to help increase my chances of a better paid job, which ended up with a £15,00 student loan and non completion due to me being forced to continue to work full time and lack of support!
i have tried to get rid of him but is a joint tenancy and he wont budge. i cant afford to go at present. i still love him i guess but cannot live with him and by him living on his own he will have to learn the value of money.
anyway last week had the bailliffs round for non payment of c/tax and was bullied into giving them £100 which was the last straw. i work day and night shifts,sometimes both in the same day. i am so tired and ill and getting no support so i made the decision to file for bankruptcy. i cancelled the bankloan etc to pay the fees and i did it yesterday. i now owe nothing,have no bank account - yet, cards etc. have yet to see the official reciever which im nervous about and i dont know if he will believe that my o/h contributes nothing but we will see.i do feel a bit better, but it still hasn`t sunk in with my partner yet, still trying to cadge money etc
sorry for going on for so long but its good to find somewhere i can let off steam as i dont think anyone knows the truth, although some may suspect. sorry if ive bored you.
ps if he does the shopping he buys stuff such as chocolate,drinks, meat or fish but nothing to go with them such as spuds, veg etc, useless.

JAMIEDODGER

slash40 ((hugs)) i lived with and was married to an alcoholic with mental health problems. he refused to work and we had to claim income support as a family. at one point i was feeding our family of 5 on 20 quid a week and still had a child in nappies. he used to constantly either steal from the family money or bug me senseless for cash if i didnt give in he was violent. best thing i ever did was escape, it was hard and me and the kids had to start from scratch but it was sooooo worth it. i used to clean the local playschool at 6am in return for DS2 being able to go 5 mornings a week. i have never regretted my choice in leaving i owed my children a stable safe childhood. now we dont have loads of money but i can provide them all their needs without worrying xx

BWZN93

klare wrote:

Its like people who say money cant buy happiness.. well i disagree .... and if anyone would like to donate any I am more than happy to prove my point!! LOL :T

I agree with that 100%!! Money cant buy happiness my a$$ - I prefer 'love dont pay the rent....'

Money pays to live, and my happiness is being able to afford to pay the bills on time!

Jo xx

klare_2

After reading all the posts that have come from this thread I definately think we should start up some sort of support group ...
My names Klare and I am a skint miserable !!!!!!!!
There! i said it.
i think we should all book a spa day , lets say in about 20 years time, which for a lot of is about when will be the first opportunity for us to be able to afford it!! We will book all the children into one great big creche so we dont need to worry about that ( yes I know the kids will all be grown up by then but im an overly protective mother who has decided that there is nothing wrong with how ronnie corbett was on that old program Sorry, and have informed my 2 year old that there wont be any girlfriends until he is at least 30 and as for pushbikes, rough toys etc. no no no .. theres a lot to be said for cotton wool padded rooms!!)
Anyway, when we go for this fab pampering weekend I shall mostly be drinking champagne and eating french chocolate!!!

ember thankyou so much for the offer of the aromatherapy cream. I will Pm you with snail mail addy. BB

Ember999

klare wrote:

After reading all the posts that have come from this thread I definately think we should start up some sort of support group ...
My names Klare and I am a skint miserable !!!!!!!!
There! i said it.
i think we should all book a spa day , lets say in about 20 years time, which for a lot of is about when will be the first opportunity for us to be able to afford it!! We will book all the children into one great big creche so we dont need to worry about that ( yes I know the kids will all be grown up by then but im an overly protective mother who has decided that there is nothing wrong with how ronnie corbett was on that old program Sorry, and have informed my 2 year old that there wont be any girlfriends until he is at least 30 and as for pushbikes, rough toys etc. no no no .. theres a lot to be said for cotton wool padded rooms!!)
Anyway, when we go for this fab pampering weekend I shall mostly be drinking champagne and eating french chocolate!!!

ember thankyou so much for the offer of the aromatherapy cream. I will Pm you with snail mail addy. BB

A pleasure Klare,

I'll make it up for you tomorrow. Can you tell me your basic skin type? Depending on your skin type depends on which essential oils I use. So, can you tell me are you normal, oily, combination or dry? I'll make a smashing cream for you and hope it helps cheer you up! I could do with that Spa day you mention, I am still grieving the loss of my cat Plymouth (who was my baby ) but I am pleased to say I started eating this morning (not eaten for 6 days! :eek: ) so things are getting a bit better emotionally for me. Mind you, I am going to get the bill from hell from the vets (Dr Vets as we call her :rotfl: ) as there is all the work they did on him prior to his 'being put to sleep' plus, I am having him cremated and returned to me in a little urn We estimate the bill is going to be around £400. Bizarre isn't it? I have to pay £400 to lose my baby. It's definately been a s!!t week for me and my hubby, so If I have cheered you up a wee bit, I am pleased, that makes me happy

Oh yeah, on a money saving note (to keep the board guides happy! ) I soon have to start paying the mortgage from hell....I am sure being skint is not gonna be fun! but hey, I got my dream cottage so one day I can end up an old biddy with a cottage full of cats LOL

ceegee

My name is ceegee and I'm a skint miserable old !!!!!!, too!

I am so glad it's not just me.......

......and if money doesn't buy happiness, well, at least I could be miserable in comfort

bluezone

I am also a skint miserable not so old !!!!!!!

I would like to see if money can't buy happiness..... just need the money to try it the theory out! :T

tinalives

Hello everybody, I'm a skint 28 year old !!!!!! - and money WOULD buy me happiness!!

headchef

My mother always said 'when poverty walks through the door, love leaves by the window'. And who was it who said 'If been poor and I've been rich. Believe me rich is better!'?

headchef

Ember Bless you. You are so thoughtful. I can't imagine how you must be feeling. People who don't have pets perhaps find it hard to realise how much part of the family they become. I never knew I would 'fall in love' with my labrador when we bought her as a puppy. The range of facial expressions and moods were a real surprise. We build up a real empathy with our pets. And they can make us laugh when we feel like crying. Reading some of these posts I have an idea - swap your other halves for pets (toungue in cheek).