Hi could i have some advice please?

tiredandanxious

Hi, ive been on a dmp for over a year now and got a phone call from Payplan to say that bankruptcy would be a better option for me as my creditors have added so much in charges and interest that theres no way i can keep going on it.
I'm not worried about the lack of credit afterwards, i welcome it. But i do have a car which is worth £500 at the most, ive been trying not use it as much, cost of petrol etc. But i do need it as i have a young ds and like to take him to parks to play, theres none within walking distance of me. Plus the car was a kind of present from my father, its in my name, but if they take it i'll have to tell him bout bankruptcy and that scares me TBH.
Also i have a boyfriend, who doesnt live with me but comes and stays all the time, im scared of him finding out about it too.
Not scared of them as such, just that they'll be angry with me for being so so stupid with money.
Any advice is most welcome,im at my wits end, on antidepressants and sleeping pills which are all but keeping me going right now.
Thanks for taking the time to read, sorry if its a bit jumbled, just needed to get it out, i have no one i can talk to really

xx

leonlala

sending you big <<hugs>>.
some one with more experience will be along soon.
I've also been on a dmp, my partner and I have decided br is the only route open now.
I recently told my parents, I also was dreading telling my dad thought he would be judgmental but he was the best, in fact gave me a different view, the banks are partly responsible too they shouldn't be chucking money at people who cannot afford the repayments!
Take a deep breath. It probably won't be as bad as you think, also you'll have someone on your side supporting you. Also i hope it'll reduce your stress levels.
give one of the charities a ring they will help you get your head round it.
lots of healing energy,
lou

fermi

Hi. Welcome.

Do you have any proof that your father purchased the car or provided the funds? The "registered keeper" is not the same as the legal owner, so you might be able to argue that the car is his property that he allows you to use. But the Official Receiver may well need to contact him to confirm that.

If you can't prove the car isn't yours then you would have to make a case as to why the car is necessary rather than convenient. If you can't do that, or they don't accept your reasons, they may give you or someone else the opportunity to buy the car back from them. Is there anyone who could do that?

dodecanese

Hi Tiredandanxious, dont know much about the car Im afraid. but, regarding your father and boyfriend, I would definately consider telling them. Ive been struggling on my own for a while now, keeping up the pretence that all was well to my family. While they werent exactly ecstatic, it wasnt as bad as I thought. My sister has been brilliant, my friends have been really supportive. Even my stepdad- who is a real true blue, hang em and flog em Tory was supportive. The only person who was initially angry was my mum. She had a bit of a go, said I was irresponsible ( I agree), and she was disappointed. I think shes worried about the "shame" of my BR going in the local rag. Even shes come round though. Once theyve got over the initial shock they should come round. you will find that once its in the open a huge burden will be lifted off your shoulders. Also- this site is really brilliant. I felt so alone, while my family are helping me they dont know what its like going through this. Just keep reading this site/posting questions- it really does become a whole lot less scary.

tiredandanxious

Hi and thanks for the replies.
I cant prove anything with regards to the car really and my dad would be so upset with me if he found out about the debt im in.
Payplan have been really good with me and after talking to them and working everything out i know the only way out of this is bankruptcy.
Im just so freaked out by it all, i want to provide the best life i can for my son but it feels like everything is against me.
Im thinking if the worst comes to worst and they take the car i'll just have to tell him and take it, but then theres my boyfriend as well. I know in my heart of hearts that my dad would forgive me eventually but i know my bf wont, i dont even know if i want to be with him anymore.
My head is spinning and im feeling in such turmoil, i cant sleep or eat,taking 3 times the amount of sleeping pills that im supposed to then i shattered for work the next day. Aggrhh i dont know what to do.
I hate myself so much for the mess im in and the lies im having to tell.
Bl00dy crying again now,so frustrated with it all, why is life so hard.
Im sorry for all the self pity, i know there are people so much worse off than me.

G-G_4

awww... please don't worry xx

if you arn't too bothered about your bf then why worry, see what he says and go from there.?

as for your dad, well I havn't told mine either, cos he would probably just tut.. but, he is your dad, and he will love you regardless, so go and tell him.. he might even suprise you and be a lot more supportive than you think?

bankruptcy is scary, and it seems like you are giving in, but you are not. You are facing up to reality, and this is very brave. You are bound to feel nervous and scared, but please try not to be.. it isn't half as scary as it sounds.

you need to look after yourself and your son now.. if people don't accept you for who you are then that is their problem... and you need to think of you because your son needs his mum (or dad)..

xxx

welshpaula

hi honey lots of hugs to you (( )) i have been where you are now and believe me it WILL get better !! please tell your family as its better coming from you than some local gossip who saw it in the local paper !! spare a thought for me ..... when i went bankrupt went to court on the day felt ashamed sick you name it and who should be the clerk in charge .... my dads friend (didnt no she worked in that dept!) i nearly died as she has known me since i was little ... but she was great and advised me to tell my mum and dad before it went in local paper you will be surprised as to the support you will get but if your bf is that shallow dump him !! paula xx good luck

AmIdone4?

Hope you are ok and feeling slightly better after reading the supportive responses

One thing I will say is that going BR isn't the end of world. I'm not being blaze (is that how you spell blar-zay?) with regards to BR, it is a big decision...but in the big scheme of things looking after yourself and your families health, well-being and happiness are the most important things in life. Taking responsibility of your financial situation, through getting the best help possible to assess your situation (here is a good start and the numbers given ie. CCCS etc...) through to making a decision to go BR or not, is the way forward. Big hug from me.:D

tiredandanxious

Hi and thanks again to you all.
I think,stupidly, the car is my main concern, it cant be worth more than £500 so maybe they wouldnt take it?
Dont know that anyone would find out from the paper, i just dont know.
Head in a spin and just want a way out of this mess im in

dodecanese

Hello again, regarding the local paper. I bought mine a couple of times recently to check where the bankruptcies are listed. There is a bit at the back where all the adds for garage clearance and stuff like that is, they seemed to be tucked in there. I doubt anyone would even read it cos its so tucked away- and if they do theyre pretty sad ( bankrupts checking if theyre in the paper obviously excepted).
At the end of the day, your debt is having a huge detrimental effect on your health and happiness. Im not saying bankruptcy is an easy option- but it is an option that will free you from the situation you are in now. If Im totally honest, yes, I worry about what people will say about me. However, the burden of debt, sleepless nights, panic attacks and my skin breaking out in spots because of the anxiety isnt worth it. I know youre worried about your dad finding out, chances are if you dont tell him he wont. However, I would be inclined to tell him and youll probably be pleasantly surprised.

tigerfeet2006

Hi and welcome to the board/

I wouldn't think of it as failing, I would think of it as getting control back of your life for you and your child. You owe it to your son to give him his mother back again.

As for the car then I would write a letter to the OR as to why you need it. Do the buses run near you? How easy is it to get to the supermarket? How old is your son? When will he go to nursery? Is it nearby? Do the buses run past there? Just some thoughts for you.

As for the BF, if he can't suppoert you through this then he is not worth being with. Relationships are partnerships, you support each other through good and bad.

All the best (((((hugs))))))) We will help in any way we can with the forms and the I&E and any questions you have.