daughter aged 10 is saying she wants to live at her dads

pinkshoes

An electronic drum kit?
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Alesis-DM-5-Electronic-Drum-Kit/dp/B000GD55KG/ref=pd_sbs_ce_title_2/202-5080100-2481453

or even better, a digital drum kit:
http://www.argos.co.uk/static/Product/partNumber/0660842/Trail/searchtext>DRUMS.htm

V_Chic_Chick

Having said for several years that I wanted to live with my dad, I finally had a massive argument with my mum and moved out aged 11. It wasn't about drum kits etc. but about the negative relationship I had with my mum, and the positive relationship I had with my dad. Similar visiting rights have carried on since (every other weekend with mum) plus I walk back to mums after school and then dad picks me up after work, mainly because it takes over an hour and £2.50/day to get back to dad's on the busses. Unnecessarily complicated, but there you go.

Five years since moving out, yes, my relationship with my dad has deteriorated, to the point where I have considered moving out due to all the arguments (and probably will, temporarily, during GCSEs next term). The main thing keeping me there is my chickens and veggie patch (mum doesn't have a garden), although these had nothing to do with me moving in - I had no interest in either at the time.

As this is such a sudden thing (for me, it had been festering for years) I suspect it may blow over BUT you know your daughter and how bloody minded she is / isn't (I know I'm of the bloody minded variety!)

Sorry to ramble on so long

snowmaid

As a child I thought the grass was greener and thought my dad would be less strict than my mother and that I would have more fun. How wrong was I! :rolleyes: Moved back in with my Mom!

My daughter also went through a stage and moved in with her Dad. She was back in less than a month!

Let her go. Whatever you do don't stop her (unless she is at risk). She will soon find out how much more stricter daddy's are with their little girls! :rotfl: At least mind did!

PayPeanuts_2

Hello,

I have a friend going through the same thing as you are now - goes to her dads every other weekend and always comes back crying saying she wants to live there. It is truly heartbreaking as dad really doesn't want her about and resents even four days a month contact! but my friend obviously doesn't want to tell her daughter too much about that, so she seems like the 'bad guy'.


Kids dont understand how their parents have emotions too! I certainly didn't otherwise I wouldn't have been so horrid to my mum as a teenager! She needs to know that you love her and you will love her no matter where she lives but you would miss her terribly if she left. Then its a case of phoning her dad for a good old chat about it.

Good luck x

misty_blue_2

hello, i am new here so hope you dont mind me replying to this
i went through the exact same thing quite a few years ago, my daughter was 11 then, she thought living at her dads would be a wonderful thing, he was better off than us and thought she could get all the things she wanted, so i packed her bags and let her go, after 4 weeks she was ready to come back, her dad and his girlfriend for the first 2 weeks spoilt her, but then she was made to abide by their rules and all the lovely gifts she was receiving off them stopped, it was hard to let her go, but taught her that life at home with me wasn't as bad as she thought,
it is so hard to know what to do as i felt i was a bad mother but it taught her to appreciate what she had, and years later she admitted to me i did the right thing as life wasnt as nice with him as she thought it would be, kids dont realise how hard it is to be a parent, my daughter knows now as she has 2 of her own,
good luck with whatever you decide and keep your chin up
misty blue

shoppergal

If it was me I'd like to think I'd do what mistyblue did and let her go(if her dad wants her of course). As others have said she'll quickly realise that the treats etc she gets when she's there visiting don't happen if she's living there all the time. Their dads girlfriend might be really good with them but it's a lot easier to do fun stuff with kids that you don't see too regularly.

Presumably it's mostly weekends that your daughter goes to her dads so there's not the same discipline needed about bed times, homework and all that fun stuff. Once that happens she'll realise that the grass isn't necessarily greener.

Whatever you decide to do I hope it works out ok for you.

Strapped

This is the time for a united front between you & your ex. I think you should tell your daughter, together, that you think that it would be best if the current arrangements stand (or that you have decided that yes she should try living at dad's for x period, or whatever). The point is, you can't start letting her make the rules and playing you off - you are the adults, and while you will listen to her input, you will - together - make the decisions.

Poppy9

From a different angle is it just your DD trying to find out if both her parents love her. Children often suffer silently after their parents split up and get on with living in two homes but many feel rejected or they are to blame so test their parents. Perhaps she wants to know if you will fight to keep her, or if her father will allow her to live with him.

If it were me I would tell her that you would be extremely sad to see her move to live with her father but if it makes her happy you will support her. Talk to her about how often you will see her each week etc. and say you don't want it to be an every other weekend relationship. I wouldn't try to frighten off by telling her she would have to move schools immediately, but I would tell her that if she decides long term to live with her father then this is a possibilty.

I would hope her father will say yes to her living there but the GF might have other ideas!

facingthefuture

Poppy could well be right, we had a similar situation years ago. Sometimes you do things just to be told you are loved. I am sure you love her to bits and tell her so but maybe you need time together for fun things. Perhaps your ex could give you more support that way. Are you worried he will say yes and you will loose your daughter? Or do you think she would end up spoiling their social life. What about her having longer holidays with them?

ilace

i know how you feel my little girl recently said the same thing to me..
she also spends every other weekend at her dads i.m sure the main reason she said she wanted to move in with him was because there was talk of moving away and she's worried she will no longer see him..

but i can tell you it broke my heart to hear her say it..
i wouldnt even ask him if its a thing he's thought about i dont think i could handle being the one to only see her every other weekend...
my oh has his children every other weekend and i see how hard it is for him, but i also know that he feels happy his ex is a good mother and the kids are always looked after and thats what matter's the most.

sorry no real advice but u sound like every good mother on here who only wants whats best for her daughter i wish you luck...

ilace x