Techie Jokes

blinky

Fran wrote:

We have a lot to learn from apes.

Residents of Sunderland receive their first PC.

boogiemaster

Picture above

Martin told you to invest in a decent company! Not bloody Microsoft!!!!!!

sra

Microsoft have nuked Apple!!! :eek:

ManAtHome

How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?














Not our job - it's a hardware problem.

solly_2

Windows icon war.

boogiemaster

Your computer has the same specs as mine sweetheart, except the parts came down in price!

RacyRed

The Spellchecker Song

I have a spelling checker.
It came with my PC.
It plane lee marks four my revue
Miss steaks aye can knot see.

Eye ran this poem threw it.
Your sure real glad two no.
Its very polished in its weigh,
My checker tolled me sew.

A checker is a blessing.
It freeze yew lodes of thyme.
It helps me right awl stiles two reed,
And aides me when aye rime.

Each frays comes posed up on my screen
Eye trussed too bee a joule.
The checker pours o'er every word
To cheque sum spelling rule.

Bee fore a veiling checkers
Hour spelling mite decline,
And if we're laks oar have a laps,
We wood bee maid too wine.

Butt now bee cause my spelling
Is checked with such grate flare,
There are know faults with in my cite,
Of nun eye am a wear.

Now spelling does not phase me,
It does knot bring a tier.
My pay purrs awl due glad den
With wrapped words fare as hear.

To rite with care is quite a feet
Of witch won should be proud,
And wee mussed dew the best wee can,
Sew flaws are knot aloud.

Sow ewe can sea why aye dew prays
Such soft wear four pea seas,
And why eye brake in two averse
Buy righting want too please.

Toxteth_OGrady

Microsoft VS. GM

At a recent computer expo (1996 COMDEX), Bill Gates compared the computer industry to the automotive industry by stating: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving cars that cost $25.00 and get 1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comment, General Motors issued a press release making the following statement: "If we (GM) had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1) For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice per day.

2) Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3) Your car would occasionally stop on the freeway without reason. In order to get started again, you would have to pull off to the side of the road, close all the windows, shut off the car, restart it and open all the windows again. For some unknown reason, you would simply do this without question.

4) Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre, such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5) Only one person could use the car at one time unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT", but then you would also have to buy more seats.

6) The new seats you would need would force everyone to have the same size butt.

7) You would press the "start" button to shut off the engine.

8) The oil warning light, water warning light, and alternator warning light would all be replaced by a single "Unidentified System Error" light.

9) The air bag would ask your freshly mangled body "are you sure?" before going off.

10) Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you back in until you simultaneously lifted the driver-side door handle, turned the key, and grabbed the radio antenna.

11) The radio antenna would be internally mounted on the passenger side of the car.

12) Buying a new car would force you to also purchase a new set of Deluxe Rand McNally road maps, despite the fact that you neither need nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause your car's performance to diminish by 50% or more.

13) Every time GM introduced a new car, people would have to learn to drive all over again because none of the old controls would function in the new car.

14) Macintosh would make a car that was five times faster, ten times more reliable and easier to mantain, twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads."

:cool:

TOG

RacyRed

Newfoundglory posted this in the Arms, it is really wrth repeating here

Windows RD (really good) edition

Thanks Newfoundglory




*Boardguide note - flashing images when you click on Paint on the above site*

sra

RacyRed wrote:

Newfoundglory posted this in the Arms, it is really wrth repeating here

Windows RD (really good) edition

Thanks Newfoundglory

I've been looking for that for a few days.

I especially like the fate of the paperclip when you try to use word

(Windows RG is a much better name than Windows Vista - makes me think of Ford Fiesta)