Telling childdren about a miscarriage

Elliebabe

Hi

Sorry to hear about the miscarriage.

I had two and my children were the same age - I decided in the end not to tell them. If they were older I would of done but I felt they were too young to understand and I didn't want them worrying about me.

The thing being your wife may get pregnant again quickly, it may take a while or you may decide to not try again for a while and children while be asking questions that you may not be able to answer.

If my child was older over 7 I think I would as they have more idea that life isn't straight forward.

What ever you decide I am sure you will have put alot of thought into it and will do what you decide for the best of your family.
What I decided suited me at that time.

Thoughts are with you and your wife.

cazziebo

so sorry to hear that, BC.

xx

angel81uk

I'm sorry to hear that your fears were confirmed. My thoughts are with you all.

With regards to telling your children I would say it depends on how well they understand the world and your views on religion etc. At the ages they're at I'd perhaps tell them that mummy went to see the doctor to see how the baby was because she was feeling poorly. But the doctor said she was having an angel baby and angel babies are so special they go straight to heaven. It kind of skirts around things a little but it's a gentle way of telling them the news without them having to confront issues which might upset them. It also gives mummy and daddy the chance to be sad because they won't get to meet their angel baby.

Take care x

lyndseyann

Im sorry to hear the news.As before you are all in my thoughts x x x lyndseyannx x x

Elliebabe

Hi, after posting to you I couldn't get you both out of my head. I hope you are both OK. I can't and no can say anything that makes it better but there are people like myself who have been through what you are going through.

I had two miscarriages and thought "I don't know anyone else who this has happened to" until I started to talking to friends.

Isn't life ironic when there is another posting on the board where a lady doesn't know what to do now she's expecting her third as they would have to upgrade their car and house. I'm not judging but there are more important things in life.

Take care.

iwanttosave_2

I'm very soory about the news BC xxx

When I had my first M/C my son was about 4 and we told him our baby had gone to heaven because it was poorly and this way it didn't feel any hurt because it was still wrapped up in mummys tummy before it went. He found it very easy to understand and it helped alot then because when I got upset he knew why.

Carmina_Piranha_3

elliebabe that's a different situation in the other thread and not really appropriate for this one.

beefcarrot i'm so sorry that this has happened

you may want to leave it for a while if you can. my 9 year old was very insensitive and kept asking me questions that upset me. my hormones were a bit wonky for 3 or 4 days after the bleeding and i wished i'd left it for a few days before telling him. he was sweet and considerate, but it was just the details which fascinated him - i didn't want to talk about the details, not when i was crying every time it was mentioned.

i don't know if it's the same for everyone, for me it was a bit like the baby blues that you get after you have a baby and you just cry 3 days later. for your wife that might be now, or if she has to take pills or have a D and C the hormones might go wonky then. be prepared for her to feel too fragile to really discuss it in any detail with the children over the next few days.

take care of yourselves, lots of hugs.

MidLifeCrisis_3

Sorry for what you're going through at the moment.

Kids can be more perceptive than we give them credit for, but I believe they'll only ask what they want to know and feel if you answer as simply and honestly as you can they tend to stop questioning at the point where they are happy with the explanation.

DS had just turned 2 when I miscarried at 8 wks so the questions never came, but if it had we would have answered as best and simply as we could in terms he would have understood.

Do what you think is best for your kids, there's no harm in leaving it if that's what makes you feel more comfortable.

MLC

beefcarrot

Thanks for all the support and advice. Neither of us is too bad at the moment. I think we're both glad to have found out, having gone through five days of torment waiting for the scan. I've no doubt that things are going to be emotional for a while but we are blessed with a strong marriage, good friends and supportive families. Having our three children carrying on life as normal also helps, as it means we have to deal with them and get on with our lives.
We're going to plant a tree in memory of what has happened. Hopefully something that blooms this time of year.