Telling childdren about a miscarriage

lyndseyann

hope everything goes well at the moment((((hugs)))) is all i can say on that front. i have a daughter who is 7 and a daughter who is 2 and i have had 5 miscarriages and 3 weeks ago i suffered an ectopic pregancy and had gone round about 4 months.my eldest knows that i have miscarried as there was a programme on the telly and she asked about it so i told her,but all she knows of the ectopic is that i went into hospital with tummy ache because that seems a bit more complicated to tell her or for her to understand. i think she would understand but im not sure ifs right at the moment.

all the best,it may not be anything,but i know its hard and its easier for someone on the computer to say that but everything really could be ok.

good luck and will be thinking of you both.give your loverly children lots and lots of loves and cuddles whatever happens.((((hugs))))


it is your decision,whatever you decide.

beefcarrot

Thanks for the advice everyone. Not sure what to think at the moment. The earliest we can get a scan to find out is on Monday morning, which means a long and stressful weekend for us.

Gingham_Ribbon

I am so sorry for your loss.

I think children appreciate honesty and appropriate information without untoward detail. I do think that an honest answer is best.

The flower analogy is very powerful and something I have used too - to the extent that I always carried a flower everywhere I went until I got a ring in rememberance.

If you are both visibly upset, if people are talking to you about it, they will KNOW there is something wrong and if you lie, they may be more upset.

But I think you must simply try to search your heart for what YOU feel your children would be most comfortable with.

financial_filly

Just wanted to say that my thoughts are with you and your wife and you tell them whatever you feel they would be comfortable with and understand as they are very young.

I suffered my second miscarriage last year and my son who was 3 the first time and was too young to even know what was going on was more aware this time around (he's 5 now) and was even with us at the hospital although the midwife let him play in another room until they had confirmed the bad news. We couldn't really say nothing to him as everyone knew we were going to have another baby as I was 16 weeks (my first miscarriage happened at that time as well) so we explained to him that sometimes babies in mummy tummy gets too poorly and that it was no-ones fault and that mummy would get better etc. which he seemed happy with.

Hugs to you both at this difficult time.

mrcow

Just wanted to say that my thoughts are with you and I hope that the scan on Monday shows that all is well. Please try and make sure that your wife has lots of rest over the weekend. It's hard when you have young children as you want to try and keep everything "normal" for them even though your minds must be sick with worry. Take care of yourselves.

TwinsMum_2

I would say if they ask questions, try to answer them, but not in too much detail, just enough, they may not say anything you can never tell with children, sometimes they understand more than you think. Hope all is well though and good luck you never know.

Savvy_Sue

Another thing which has helped me over the years is not to pretend: if I was upset, I was upset, and if that meant telling the boys I was upset then that's what I did. Sometimes I would just say "I'm upset about something but I'll be OK soon, it's not your fault and it's nothing to worry about". That gave me space to grieve.

Ishtar

I am so sorry to hear your news.

We recently lost our baby at 18+3 weeks and took the decision to be as upfront and honest as we could with our 3 year old DD. She knew we were having a baby, we talked about it with her a lot and she was as excited as us about the new arrival.

As we decided to involve her in the 'good' side of my pregnancy, we felt it was important to also include her in what was happening when it ended. We obviously didn't go into too many details with her and kept it at an age appropriate level. Our baby had a chromasonal disorder, and we explained this in terms of him being given the 'wrong instructions' which meant he would be unable to survive if he were born. She coped remarkably well with this information and in all honesty seems to have bounced back with little difficulty.

For me, it's important that information isn't kept from our daughter and that as far as possible she is involved in things that effect the family.

I disagree that children of 5 and 3 are too young, but it really is horses for courses and if you don't feel that your children need to know what's happened then you should go with that feeling.

You know your kids best and should go with what you think is right.

Take care
D.

beefcarrot

Thanks for all the advice. Sadly, the scan today showed that the pregnancy had not developed and that there was no heartbeat. We've decided not to tell the children anything at the moment but to be honest with them if they ask any questions. I've just told the children that mummy is feeling poorly and that is why she is sad.

rsdiscos

Sorry it was not good news
Look after yourselves
Melissa