OH and his smoking habit!

ameliarate

I am a smoker and I wonder whether some of you non smokers realise just how hard it can be to give up. Frankly the more someone goes on about it the more stressed a smoker can get and the more they will smoke!!!! Some people are lucky and can give up easily, some of us try endlesslessly and give up on giving up!

If you really can't stand his smoking you should probably "get out" now because the longer you are in a relationship the harder it will be.

Otherwise, it means that he cares more about cigarettes than about you, in which case it will be time to leave him. - I find this comment unfair and shows a distinct lack of understanding about addiction.

u2nick79

Hello,

I was in the same situation about 8 years ago with my bloke. He eventually did give up for about 3 months only for him to return to it after we had an argument.

After 3.5 years of him never having any money even to go to the cinema but there was ALWAYS money for fags, I got rid. Apparently the fags were more important and I would never go out with a smoker now. Married so the smoker lost out. Snogging a smoker? So gross!

Best of luck!

Jo_R_2

ameliarate wrote: »

I am a smoker and I wonder whether some of you non smokers realise just how hard it can be to give up. Frankly the more someone goes on about it the more stressed a smoker can get and the more they will smoke!!!! Some people are lucky and can give up easily, some of us try endlesslessly and give up on giving up!

If you really can't stand his smoking you should probably "get out" now because the longer you are in a relationship the harder it will be.

Otherwise, it means that he cares more about cigarettes than about you, in which case it will be time to leave him. - I find this comment unfair and shows a distinct lack of understanding about addiction.

I can't know what it is like to give up smoking as I have never smoked. So I can sympathise but not empathise. I must admit I do find it frustrating when he says how much he wants to give up, how he hates smelling of smoke, how he knows what it is doing to his body, then makes no effort to do anything about how he feels, not even to try, then complains about it again a few days later! I could understand it if he'd tried and found it too hard, but to not try then carry on complaining about it defeats any logic!

ameliarate

Jo_R wrote: »

I can't know what it is like to give up smoking as I have never smoked. So I can sympathise but not empathise. I must admit I do find it frustrating when he says how much he wants to give up, how he hates smelling of smoke, how he knows what it is doing to his body, then makes no effort to do anything about how he feels, not even to try, then complains about it again a few days later! I could understand it if he'd tried and found it too hard, but to not try then carry on complaining about it defeats any logic!

Addictions of any kind are not logical that's why it defeats logic! I hate the smell of smoke on my clothes, I am grateful for the smoking ban in pubs etc. but when I try to stop my mind will not stop thinking about cigarettes constantly. You know intellectually why you should stop, you wish you could stop but "something" makes you, the only word I can think of is scared to not have that "comfort" you have had for so long. Like any addiction he has to really want to do it for himself. The one thing that might work with me is the control. I hate the fact that the stupid tobacco stick controls my life.

pinkshoes

I used to smoke. I smoked when I met my OH, and he put up with it for a while, then after a couple of years he stopped wanting to kiss me, and I had to de-smoke myself before going anywhere near him. He's never smoked and the smell drove him mad, and he asked me to give up.

My first thought was that you should love a person for who they are, bad habits and all, but then on second thoughts, I loved him, and if it came down to the choice between him or cigarettes, then I would choose him.

So I did, and have been officially cigarette free for almost 12 months now.

Cigarettes are just an addiction, and if you really love someone, it's easy to give up.

ailuro2

ameliarate wrote: »

I am a smoker and I wonder whether some of you non smokers realise just how hard it can be to give up. Frankly the more someone goes on about it the more stressed a smoker can get and the more they will smoke!!!!

I'm an ex smoker, and found that I managed to give up because I loved someone enough to stop for their sake...it was my one year old daughter. After I stopped, my OH hadn't and it was pretty awful, I did avoid kissing him when he'd been smoking. Thankfully he stopped a couple of months after me.

For all the smokers out there who have smoked since their early teens- or 12yo in my case- I never ever realised how pungent the smell was until I gave up- I grew up in a smoking household too, so was pretty much immune to it. You'll not know till you give it up yourselves- best MSE thing I ever did!

Stephb1986_2

i have the same problem as jo ive been with my OH for 9 months now and even the smell of smoke knocks me sick, gives me a headache ect i use to smoke in my teens but that was only for about 6 months or so, my OH smokes up to 20 a day and ive tried my hardest to get him to give up he has tried and lasted a week or so, i know he can do it. any advice on how i can make him give up??

Steph xxx

Soubrette

ameliarate wrote: »

Addictions of any kind are not logical that's why it defeats logic! I hate the smell of smoke on my clothes, I am grateful for the smoking ban in pubs etc. but when I try to stop my mind will not stop thinking about cigarettes constantly. You know intellectually why you should stop, you wish you could stop but "something" makes you, the only word I can think of is scared to not have that "comfort" you have had for so long. Like any addiction he has to really want to do it for himself. The one thing that might work with me is the control. I hate the fact that the stupid tobacco stick controls my life.

I honestly believe that even with addictions, if you want to enough then you can do it. If you haven't done it then it's because the short term benefits of smoking outweigh the long term gains of not. I don't smoke but have other issues to deal with

My mother couldn't give up, tried many times and only managed days of being smoke free, said it was too hard, impossible etc. However she had to make a stark choice of having an operation to clear the veins in her legs (only available if she stopped smoking) or having her legs amputated within a few months - her circulation was practically non existent by this time. She managed to give up in one shot.

Good luck with your giving up - you'll only never give up when you stop trying (at least that's what I keep telling myself )

Sou

TAG

'It's as hard to give up smoking as it is to come off heroin'.

Those were the words of the consultant that looked after DH when he was in hospital with a heart problem a couple of years ago. DH still smokes, after giving up for the 3 weeks he was in hospital and for a further 3 weeks after he came out.

Sadly it's an addiction that is extremley hard to kick for many. Myself included. I've stopped several times in the past, but then one leds to two......next thing you know your on 20 a day again.

I haven't really got any advice for you Jo_R and I do echo the posts by ameliarate.

However I just want to add that what I've posted holds no water what so ever with my grandmother. In her own words ' I smoked for over 50 years and if I can stop then everyone can stop' :T

dad-of-4

Jo i havent read the whole topic, focus on getting him to quit cause it would be the healthy thing for him to do. bringing your own issues to the table just puts him under more pressure, he needs to quit on his own terms not someone elses.