9 weeks till wedding and GF drops a bombshell :(

keeno

Hi all

Not sure where to start here This has been one of the worst days I can remember. Just 12 hours ago we were at the hotel making the final preparations for our wedding in April.

Basically we are like a lot of people out there, not very much cash left over after clearing all the bills and so on, can be very stressful at times but its worth it for a nice house and family life. My girlfriend pays me £500 each month and all my wages go in as well, out of this we pay all the bills including food with not much left at the end.

We have been really looking forward to out wedding and our daughter is really excited about being a flower girl and just seeing the two of us getting married. because funds are so tight my parents and grandparents have taken care of nearly everything. Its not a big wedding by any means but we couldn't do it without the additional help + support.

However tonight my girlfriend broke down and told me she needed to tell me something I knew there was something going on as we have been getting a lot of call from cc companies and she has always said it was because they had messed up, however it turns out that she is £8000 in the red and hasn't paid any of her dept for the last 3 months.

The dept was run up while she was at uni, and she has let things snowball. The problem is that we have absolutely no extra cash to throw at this. If she wants to pay her dept she cant afford to give me the £500 a month for the bills and we stand to lose everything.

I'm totally gutted and really upset, the wedding looks to be off and my girlfriend is distraught. Normally with something like this I would lose the head but I know she hasn't done it on purpose and at the end of the day we are all on this forum for a reason. The only thing she has ever wanted is to marry me and her dreams are shattered, ive never seen anyone so broken up. I feel like crap atm, ive starred at our budget in excel for the last 2 hrs and I just cannot see any way out of this.

Sorry for the long post, just had to get that off my chest.

Mollymop5

Just going to bump you up a bit so that you get some answers.Unfortunately I'm no good at the financial bit but just wanted o say supporting your GF is the best thing i'm sur if you posted your SOA someone would be able to give you some pointers.I hope things work out for you both.

Triker

Hi there, welcome and congratulations on your impending nuptials.....regardless of this, you'll have and deserve to have a lovely, happy day.:T

Now to the business in hand.

Firstly we need to know all credit cards, amount of debt, who with and apr's.

If your girlfriend has had any written communication then best get it all together and the get it posted on here so we can advise and support you both properly.
Doing a full SOA will give a better picture on areas to cut back on.

I'll post the link that explains it all in a mo.

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=107280

Honestly it'll be ok, because there is always a way round these things. Just give your girlfriend a big cuddle and let her know that together you'll (with our help and support) sort through it. She'll have been carrying this round like a lead weight and it took courage for her to tell you which in my eyes is really special. xx

jackieb

If the wedding has already been taken care of, I think the best thing you can do is go ahead with it. It'll show your girlfriend that you're supporting her. I can't imagine how she'd feel if the wedding was postponed too.
You're in shock right now. You can get this sorted.

sarah1975uk

things will work out honey, bless her heart for being so open and honest with you i know it would have been really scary for her. What a lovely couple! Go ahead with the weddling have a fantastic day, and you 2 together with the great people on this forum will help you sort the debt out. Everything can be sorted...there is always a way!

rentok36

Keep your chin up !!

I can understand that at the moment you feel like the rug has been pulled from underneath you. Your GF is going to be in a dark place and has shown just how serious she is with your relationship by telling you before the wedding.

Your not going to honestly see anything until you get over the shock, give her a bit of comfort and don't panic. Give yourselves 24 Hours together and then both sit down, look at the figures and discuss eveything out in the open.

The biggest hurdle with debt is talking about it, once you get some figures together post them up on here as people will help you.

I only just found this site myself, but reading throught the hundreds of post i have it is clear none of us are alone, just all at different stages.

Good luck to you both and have another look at the figures.

ms_london

Hello!

Sorry to hear about your bombshell, it couldnt have been easy for your GF telling you, or for you hearing it - but better now that later down the track?

I would go ahead with the wedding, otherwise it might look to your GF that you are having second thoughts perhaps? Plus you would probably lose most, if not all of your money if you cancelled. You could always look into postponing it? Or perhaps if you had a honeymoon or break planned afterwards you could just downscale or postpone that til a later date?

I think you need to sit down with your GF and found out exactly who she owes, to whom, the interest rate & monthly repayments. Do a joint SOA with your incomings, outgoings & a list of the debts - and post them back here and we'll see how we can help.

What else do you need to pay out for your wedding at the moment? Write that on the list too....

I never know if I am suggesting the right thing here, but I would cancel all direct debits from your GF's bank account for the debts (not one for mortgage or basics like that), that way it will buy you some time so you can work out your budget, work out what you can afford to repay, and then phone each of them to propose this amount? No point them taking out what they like and it making you overdrawn or having no money for the rest of the month for food and basics to live on.

Hope some of this helps xx

themaccas

Please don't cancel the wedding, it looks like everything is pretty much covered and paid for now. There really is a way out of this and there are many on this forum who are ace at looking at budgets and seeing where you can cut back. Is £8000 your total joint debt? You need to sit down and get ALL debts written down, this is the worst part I can promise you. The estimated debt is rarely the actual debt, but knowledge is power and we can help with some strategies. We started off with a terrifying debt and are nearly at the end of the road paying it off but I couldn't have done it without ideas and support from here.

Give your family a hug this morning, get back to us soon!

hypno06

I agree with what has been said above - this must have been a hard thing for her to confess to, and hard for you to take on board.

However, it is something that we can manage, so get those figures together and post them up for everyone to look at....it is amazing what some of these guys can spot!

In_Search_Of_Me

morning! Sorryt hear that things are so tough for you both but at least ts all now in the open! As others have said I would post your SOA if you can so it can be tweaked. You'll be surprised what people a knock off!! Also think about ringing cccs for advise but make at least a £1 token payment each month to all creditors while this is sorted. You dont say if you stil want to marry or whether this has put you off? If you are having second thoughts then you need to work through this beofre you both say I do but if your feelings remain the same & its pretty much covered just go for it!! There are lots of people here in debt - some of us wil be here for years (& have been!!). Its up & down but quite incredible the friendships that are forged, money saved & made, & support given with the occasional loving kick up the bum!! Hugs for you both & welcome!!

compulsivespender79

Hi there!

Firstly, congratulations on your wedding - DON'T GIVE IT UP!!!!!

There are plenty of charitable organisations about who can and will help you. Get in touch with either the Citizens Advice Bureau, CCCS, or Payplan. They are all non-profit organisations who will advise you your best course of action, and then help you along the way. I am nearly £10,000 in debt, and have just started a Debt Management Plan with CCCS. They take a look at all of your incomings and outgoings, calculate what's left, and then try and give you a solution. They won't make the debts disappear, nobody can, but they can help immensly. Please, don't despair. Give the girl you love the day you both deserve.

Good luck to you both, I'll watch this thread with interest!

CSx