My daughter is putting a lot of weight

rose28454

Lillibet wrote: »

Sorry to ask the obvious, but is there any chance she is pregnant & not admitting it to you and/or herself?

Otherwise, I agree with all the other posters, as long as she is eating healthily then leave well alone.

Good luck;)

No she is not pregnant she has just had her 2nd period in two and a half years and I know her boyfriend and her use condoms. Thanks to everyone for your input and of course you are all right. She is not fat just a normal size. She had a breast reduction in the last year ( she was a 32G) and although I was against it at first it was a really good decision as her bust looks great and it has helped her confiidence. I have a sister who is anorexic at 52 after being free of for more than 30 years so I know it can return. My daughter has ordered some running kit so she is planning to take that up again soon. As for her diet she eats porridge with banana and dried fruit for breakfast, sushi or soupfor lunch and fish with salad and veg for tea. She likes a bit of chocolate and a starbucks aswell. Thanks again

zebidee1

rose28454 wrote: »

I by the way am about 4 stone overweight myself having been a yo yo dieter all my life.

I think maybe this is the reason the OP is concerned about her daughter?

Most people wouldn't think anything of someone putting weight on and becoming a size 12 but maybe the OP is scared because putting weight on = problem to her and she's more anxious about it than normal given her own history, and is worrying that it's the first step to being overweight?

I agree with the others, it's not a problem. Neither is the unflattering clothes thing. Try not to worry too much. Like mentioned above, I would keep an eye on eating patterns and type of food consumed rather than weight and clothes size at this point.

splishsplash

I agree with the others - don't mention it to her.
If she only resumed a normal eating pattern last summer, after a prolonged period of dieting/undereating, it's going to take her a year or two to get her metabolism back on an even keel.

The fact that she has ordered the running gear might mean that she's all too aware of her changing shape, so any comment from you might not be appreciated.

I would be thankful that she's going to address it in a healthy way - through getting fit, rather than going back to undereating.

Nicifer_noonoo

I wish I was a size 12

It doesn't matter whether she's 9 stone or 90 stone, as long as she's healthy and happy, other peoples opinions on her weight (and I'm sorry to say but this includes yours), are irrelevent. By all means have them, but you don't need to share

clairec79

I would be careful and not say too much (I think the closest you could do would possibly to go clothes shopping with her and suggest better fitting clothes)

I had an eating disorder when younger, I still feel that I can't go on a diet because I don't want to risk loosing control again and by restricting my intake it would be so easy to do that

sunday_girl

I agree, the fact she has started having periods again for the first time in over two years surely shows that she's a more natural, healthy weight now. Don't risk her feeling she is now fat and going back to starving herself. I went through a phase aged 16 when I starved myself and my periods stopped, it scares me now to think what doing that could have done to my fertility in later life.

sarymclary

As with all the other replies, I would say don't say anything to her, unless it's positive. If anyone feels the need to intervene at all, it will no doubt be her GP.

As an observation, and from personal experience of the other situation you have, I would be focussing my attention more fully on the issue of your alcoholic husband. It has obviously been having a very negative effect on your family, and you mention it is not good right now too. I would certainly reiterate the suggestion to contact https://www.al-anonuk.org.uk/ and attending with your daughter, who is also living with the effects of alcoholism, would be very useful to you both. Having been there, I know how difficult life can be, and it can seem like the issue of dealing with your daughter's weight gain was the easier of the two to tackle. Be grateful for her healthy weight, and rejoice in the fact that she has regained her health (periods) due to increased nutrition.

Feel free to come back to discuss any other issues regarding your husband, we're always happy to help, and there is a large amount of people on here who share your own experience.

Best wishes!
S x

rose28454

Thanks so much for everybodies replies. I think you are all right that I must leave her alone to get well. In fact we sat and watch Lost last night and ate an easter egg together!! I know she is much happier and I dont think I could bear to go through the last 18 months again. When she was living away from home she would call me daily in tears about ow bad she felt and once or twice she asked to come home. I said no as her Dad was sober at the time and I did not want to start him drinking again. I now know this was wrong and I feel real guilt about this as I should have let her come. He started drinking again 1 year ago and is really bad at the moment. My daughter had counselling like me and now just ignores him like I try to.
However at Xmas he caused a huge fight on Xmas day and ended up punching my son in the eye. My son then did not speak to his Dad till last week when he rang son and apologised to him. Luckily son lives in London now so is a bit free of this. However he still thinks he can stop his Dad drinking because he has tried all his life to stop him. I was really mad that he punched him in the eye as he did it to me 5 years ago and I had 4 ops for detached retina. He denied doing it cause he could not remember.
I sit writing this looking out into my lovely garden knowing I have to leave him and start again on my own. He is at work for an hour and we are off to a funeral for a friend who died at 51 from cirrosis of the liver!!

keelykat

Hi, i'd also leave her to it. I've never had an eating disorder, but my mom has come out with comments to me that have upset me deeply and made me seriously consider not eating etc.... Ive since had to tell her she needs to think before she speaks, as i dont think she realises how hurtfull it can be. She thought she was helping me-but it did the opposite. The first comment was when i was 16 and she told me i had put a lot of weight on my bum and it looked big, doesnt sound that bad but when your 16 it hits you hard.

If her periods are coming back-its a good sign that her weight is getting more healthy and as for fashion, well we all make mistakes there!

Moving in with bf's/partners is a big thing, and i know from experience being all loved up and happy, can lead to a less healthy diet for a bit when you go out for meals more etc and i personally did put a bit of weight on. But things should settle down.

Good luck to her, and don't worry too much at this stage!

keely.

rose28454

Quick update
Went shopping with daughter and she bought some lovely things for her work placement in London next month. I spoke to my sister about this and she agreed I should leave her in piece. Any way afterfuneral of friend who died of cirrosis yesterday OH is all over the place again and refusing to work. I intend to spend next few weeks having a good sort out and putting house on market so daughter and I can move on and get our own place. Feel very sad but he does not care about us so we must care for ourselves. Our friend whho died stopped working in November was drunk all over Xmas and died at a friends after hospital sent him home saying they could not help. His girlfriend of 5 years found hm ans said he had appointement cards in his bag for doctor and addictions clininc but obviously never went. I think this is what will happen to OH but I cant stay any longer as my health is beginning to suffer aswell. Anyway up early so must get on with E-Bay to bring in some money!!