My daughter is putting a lot of weight

rose28454

My daughter is 22 and recently returned home after living with her boyfirends family for a year as she was not getting on with her father ( he is an alcoholic and has attempted suicide twice). Whilst she was away she developed anorexia and was very thin for quite a few months. She also lost some of her hair and her periods disappeared for 2 years. She came home last June and has made good progress. She is still a bit picky about food but since the doctor gave her anti depressants 4 months ago she is heaps better.
However she wont weigh herself and she seems to be putting on a bit too much. She buys size 10 clothes but they are usually too tight as she is nearer a 12. But you know how girls can be about being a particular size and all that seems to matter is what size it says!! The other thing is she wears those silly low slung jeans which dont flatter at all especially if you wear the wrong size.
My question is shall I say anything too her ( and risk pushing her back to anorexia!) or just leaveit.
Neither of us have an easy time as my OH is drinking heavily at present and it wears us both down aswell as the mountain of debt we have. I by the way am about 4 stone overweight myself having been a yo yo dieter all my life. What shall I do??

choccybikkie_2

Don't say anything, if she's healthy and happy that's all that matters.
A size 12 is a very healthy size to be.
Leave her be and let her get her confidence back,it sounds like she's doing really well.

bikerqueen

leave her to it.

She had an eating disorder - being a size 12 is not a problem.

How would you feel if someone you loved told you you were overweight and your clothes looked crap? I would hate it personally.

And have you considered al-anon? they can be very supportive for families of alcoholics.

cantcope

I dont see a problem with your daughter being a size 12. As for her clothes not flattering her, she'll figure that out herself in the long run.
Personally i wouldnt say anything. My mum sometimes jokes that i am getting porky (i'm a 12) and not overweight but it makes me feel like crap. Your daughter has a problem with food already, please dont push her back there.
It's nice that you are concerned but unless she starts putting on excessive amounts of weight for her height, frame then i would keep quiet.

kezbabybabe

Hi rose28454

As a 25 year old who is currently 12/14 I would say that your daughter's size is excellent. It really depends on her height, whether she is overweight or not.

It might be that you are used to seeing her as slim, so this "extra" weight looks more than it actually it?

What she needs most is a supportive mother.

My uncle would always say to me "have you put on weight?" (I was only a size 14 at the time.) It would really annoy me :mad: as it has nothing to do with him what I weighed!

I will admit that I was overweight last year, but I made that discovery myself and I've worked hard over the past year to lose the extra weight, I'm now much slimmer and I feel fabulous.

Nearly every women wears the incorrect size clothes, me included, I suppose it helps a women feel slimmer. Once I realised that I could no longer fit 14s I moved up to 16s and I looked much better for it. But that is a personal realisation.

I hope this helps.

Kez

tigtag02

I cannot actually believe that you think a *near* size 12 is a problem!!

I would strongly suggest you dont say anything to her!!

shellsuit

rose28454 wrote: »

My daughter is 22 and recently returned home after living with her boyfirends family for a year as she was not getting on with her father ( he is an alcoholic and has attempted suicide twice). Whilst she was away she developed anorexia and was very thin for quite a few months. She also lost some of her hair and her periods disappeared for 2 years. She came home last June and has made good progress. She is still a bit picky about food but since the doctor gave her anti depressants 4 months ago she is heaps better.
However she wont weigh herself and she seems to be putting on a bit too much. She buys size 10 clothes but they are usually too tight as she is nearer a 12. But you know how girls can be about being a particular size and all that seems to matter is what size it says!! The other thing is she wears those silly low slung jeans which dont flatter at all especially if you wear the wrong size.
My question is shall I say anything too her ( and risk pushing her back to anorexia!) or just leaveit.
Neither of us have an easy time as my OH is drinking heavily at present and it wears us both down aswell as the mountain of debt we have. I by the way am about 4 stone overweight myself having been a yo yo dieter all my life. What shall I do??

Don't do anything.

So long as she is happy, that's all that matters.

If she wants to wear certain clothes in a certain size, it's none of your business.

If you do say something to her, you will only knock her confidence and God knows where that will leave her.

I don't know why you are even wondering whether to say something to her knowing her past

belfastgirl23

I guess I'd be more interested in her eating patterns than her weight. If she is eating well, eating regular meals, not binging then I would definitely leave her to it..

But if you think the weight gain is due to binge eating etc then I would talk to her. never in the context of gaining weight though, just in the 'are you okay' way.

Personally I don't think it's ever constructive to anyone to point out they're gaining weight....much better to suggest going for a walk together or eating a healthy dinner.

trace_567

Please don't mention her weight or size to her full stop. Reason I say this is because I was bulimia close to anorexic for many years. When I started to get better the weight came on fast and a lot of it. I gained 2 stone, and at 4ft 10 its shows. My mother decided to tell me when I reached 8 stone that I was now too big, after for years being moaned at to gain weight. It devastated me. I was very aware of my weight and very unhappy about it myself and her words stung like hell. I've never forgotten, and never will how she made me feel. She being only barely taller than me and much heavier than me at that time I found it very very hurtful.

When an anorexia or low weight bulimic returns to a normal eating pattern weigh does pile on fast and often resulting in being the higher end of normal, until that is the body realises that its no longer in famine mode, then weight often naturally comes back off till you stabilize.
Also certain types of antidepressants can cause weight gain.
So tread very carefully.

seven-day-weekend

Leave the girl and thank God that she is not starving herself to death any more.

Lillibet_2

Sorry to ask the obvious, but is there any chance she is pregnant & not admitting it to you and/or herself?

Otherwise, I agree with all the other posters, as long as she is eating healthily then leave well alone.

Good luck;)