till debt do us part

Malestrom

Have you applied for copies of your OH's credit records? Thats a good place to start if not. Can you tell us who this 'rather wily and naughty family member' is and what association they have to your OH? You may be able to financially disassociate your OH from this family member.

Changing address shouldn't affect credit worthiness too much although that depends on how many times over the past few years it has happened. Ensuring that his name is registered on the electoral role will certainly help in this respect. Transferring the debt to a cheaper interest rate would certainly help so you need to find out why exactly he has a poor credit record.

Tondella

reply part I (not quite got the hang of navigation across pages whilst replying yet!)

Hi ITFC, about the uniform/suit question. We decided on suit for a number of reasons
1) the only suit he owns was the one his father bought him when he joined the corp nine years ago, and now he is a major he needs more use out of suit
2) His best man is a civvie and so we wanted suits as a gesture of inclusion
3) after attending many many weddings in uniform he has sworn that he will not be polishing his sam brown on the morning of his own!
4) I am not wearing a traditional white wedding dress but plan to get something summery and white from the local department store, so a more casual summer suit would be in keeping
5) in uniform and with a short hair cut they all look the same and I don't want to marry the wrong one!

Thanks for the encouragement re other issues, I'll get on to it pronto

Tondella

margaretclare

Malestrom, you mentioned a church wedding being expensive, and yes I know the OP has already booked the civil venue. But I just couldn't resist pointing this out...

Our wedding in church cost us nowt. Nada, zilch! It was because we're members of our local Methodist Church and they don't charge church members.

And I have no idea AT ALL what a wedding costing £20K is meant to cover, and how much more 'married' people would be after spending this much!!

Aunty Margaret

Tondella

reply part II

I take the point about the Jones', maybe I was trying to deflect the guilt away from myself. It's not a case of keeping up with them, honest, the kind of wedding they are planning (described on more than one occasion as "princessy") is not the kind I wish to have. However, there is a more subtle point that I was touching upon and goes back to how OH got into some of his spending habits in the first place. If your social group are seen to spend x and experience y then it becomes the norm to you, and so in this way £10k seemed like a little bargain! That, I guess, is the point of this chat forum, where you can speak truthfully about your finances and receive assistance from people across the spectrum of the earnings and debt rainbow.

Anyway, I went out for a little run and allowed the advice of the last few hours to soak in. I'm now realising that we have been thinking about how lovely the day will be with no thought as to the consequence of what we were spending. I've gone back to our wedding budget spreadsheet and knocked £2k off by shortening the honeymoon to one week and trimming off expense here and there. That's a saving of 18 months worth of repayments made in the space of an hour and a half. Thank you money savers! I'm going to have a chat with OH when he comes home at the weekend and we'll aim to get it down further. I'm also going to go to the department store sales this week and see if I can't spot my "wedding dress" for a bargain. Mum's got some lovely jewellry that I can borrow, thus fulfilling one part of "old, new, borrowed, blue", and I'll go back to the wedding threads and see what else I can find.

I know a small wedding would get around most of this and there are some great all inclusive "holiday" weddings, however for us family is all important and it is a definite that our respective families be at the wedding, and if that means that we have to pay extra to have them there and feed them then that is one cost that we are prepared to make. Hopefully by looking carefully at expenditure elsewhere we can soften the blow inflicted by their stomachs!

Phew! Last point in response to maelstrom, naughty family member is Dad, the financial advisor looked into our credit scores but we've only spoken by phone since so I will have to chase him for the exact details. What do people think about my applying for more credit cards on behalf of OH, thereby taking advantage of my better credit rating?

Tondella

Hi Aunty Margaret

The costs of my friend's wedding is in part due to their hiring an entire castle to ensure exclusivity. She is also having four bridesmaids, a flower girl, a £2k dress and a £2-3k photographer. I know it's indefensible but this isn't the first time I've heard these kind of figures bandied around by my married friends. They are npt debt free but I believe Dad is paying for most if not all of it.

I wouldn't feel comfortable marrying in a church as I am not Christian and would certainly never "go through the motions" for the sake of having a pretty venue. One thing in defence of the venue choice, there are no transport fees for us to fork out for as we just walk from one part of the building to the other. The wedding also begins at 4pm, so we only have to feed people once.

Malestrom

It was a turn of phrase really and not meant to imply that churches charge the earth for you to be married in them, more that people spend the earth because they are being married in them. Two different things if you see what I mean!

My friend at work is getting married in March, he's budgetted £2000 for everything including the afternoon reception and the evening party. As you say, he'll be no less married than anyone else...

johannamse

You are absolutely nuts and doing everything the wrong way round.

Get rid of the debt. You say how sad it makes your partner, your health and his are the ONLY important thing in life. Get debt free, get in control and stop feeling beholden to debt companies.

If you really really want to get married now, do it on the cheap, if you really want that expensive do, "WAIT" and save.

Don't worry about a house now, we are at the top of the biggest boom ever and you will end up in -ve equity. Honestly, what is wrong with this country. It's just a house. Your well being, health and happiness are 10x as important, as "owning your own house".

Please read through some of the posts on the debt free board and read the tales of depression, misery, relationship problems that debt brings. Get rid of the debt and then sit down take a deep breath and decide what you want to do. If you do not address this problem now, it will hang around your neck like a lead balloon and will eat away at your life. I am sorry I am being harsh, and maybe because most of the debt is your fiance's you do not feel the burden like he does. I wish you well. Sod everyone else, dont worry about your friends million pound wedding, of all the weddings I have been to, from Church halls to big hotels, it is the couple and how people feel about them that make the day great. HTH.

delboypass

I wouldnt attempt to get onto the property ladder just now. Its on a knife edge and about to melt down but at hte end of the day its up to yourself!

nelly_2

To all the people who said 10 grand on a wedding is silly............

could you please PLEASE tell my misses that,,, as I completely agree

BoltonMinx

Just a quick note to agree with Malestrom. If you get your credit report from all credit agencies - the cost is £2 (Experian and Equifax are the main ones but there is another agency which I can't recall the name of). I dont bother with the more expensive online reports and do this every 2 yrs regularly. NB: Experian I beleive were doing a free 30 day trial of CreditExpert which if you cancel within that time means you get that one for free

Once you have these, get a stiff drink and go over them with a fine-toothed comb.

1. If your other half does not have any joint finances with his dad or anyone else shown on these reports, he can disassociate himself by writing to the credit agency within 28 days (I think!) of the date of the report. I did this myself as I also have a naughty family member

2. If he was not on the electoral roll, you can still write in with copies of his tenancy agreements. I did this with Experian and they informed me they have added some notes to my credit file to say they had confirmed my last 6 yrs addresses via tenancy agreement and mortgage agreement where the council seems to have "forgotten" I was on the electoral roll!

Edit: Just to say, make sure you write in to correct any other inaccuracies esp where you have proof.

HTH and good luck! (Sorry it turned out longer than I thought )