till debt do us part

Tondella

Dear Moneysavers,
My first post here, but a long time reader, allow me to introduce myself as a young female full-time worker on a pretty secure graduate salary until May 2007 at least. I moved to London for my current job in April and as a consequence of moving geographically and emotionally closer to my OH (in Portsmouth) we recently got engaged and plan to wed next September. :T

I'm no money angel, I have an "acceptable" amount of debt for a young, no ties graduate four years out of uni, ie a bit left on the (interest free) credit cards, last £1k of my student loan to pay off, £750 of interest free student overdraft which is ticking down via a £20 per month DD. I'm a poor budgeter (I know! I've just downloaded the excel spreadsheet and will fill it in tonight!) but don't spend on my credit cards (the debt is left from my heady younger days and also from a brief period of unemployment between last and new job).

My OH is in a slightly more dire situation. As a young, securely-waged military officer he spent like the rest of them and has approximately £20k of credit card debt, on a bog standard Lloyds card that is charging him a fortune. We looked into switching it but he has a poor credit record, a combination we think of multiple address changes plus record linkage with a rather wily and naughty family member. He runs a car and is in the process of selling his motorbike which has just reached equity on finance. He is also making repayments on a consolidation loan, again sold to him by Lloyds, for his previous credit card debt. He is a simple creature when it comes to debt, so a simple solution is the key, he also finds it difficult to talk about the debts as he carries alot of guilt about it. He gets very upset when we try to talk about our spending and says it makes him feel sick in his stomach. But he is keen to do something about it and recognises that he will feel better when we take action.

We'll be paying for the majority of the wedding ourself, and have budgeted £10k including honeymoon. We don't know how we are going to get this money as we don't have that in savings. We have approached a financial advisor and scored us for a mortgage with upto an extra £30k at mortgage rate for covering buying fees and for paying off the majority of the debt. However, we currently live apart and may continue to do so after we are married for the time being as my work is limited to University departments with the appropriate speciality, and his work is naturally tied to various UK military bases. The idea of buying a house is therefore as an investment, for rental, to get ourselves on the ladder for when we eventually do end up in the same place!


Yikes this is one long winded email but I wanted to give you as much background as possible for when I ask you .... is this the right thing to do? Obviously we will be instigating a budget for our spending at the same time, and this approach does have the benefit of simplicity. I am conscious that if we wait to be debt free before buying a house we'll be first time buyers in our thirties. but at the same time, is this the right/only way to do it?!

PS: I have read the other debt management threads and realise that, with a secure income from one partner, no children and no secured debts, we are in an incredibly priviledged position. however I think there is something to be said for tackling potential future problems now, and setting a precedent for ourselves before it gets desperate.

Looking forward to your thoughts money savers!

Katinkka

I am not an expert in these matters but the first thing is don't get yourself in deeper with a 10k wedding!! It's only a piece of paper at the end of the day. Myself and my partner are waiting till we can afford it and even then wont be spending much on it. Too much can go wrong on the day to risk that amount of money on it.

With regards to your partners cc debt, i would suggest discussing it with his bank and seeing if they can help in some way.

viktory

My husband and I spent a grand total of £100 on our wedding day. Of course, we had help from our families, for example, my sisters wedding gift was the cake, my parents wedding gift was a lovely reception at their house and so on. We married on a beautifully sunny November morning and enjoyed every moment of our special day. We 'honeymooned' in our flat, following a meal in a local restaurant, whilst a good friend looked after our children.

My dress cost less than £40. My husbands wedding ring is a thick gold band that cost less than £40 from a pawnbrokers and mine is an 18 carat band given to my husband, for me, from his Nan.

We have two videos of the event (done by family members) and some wonderful photos.

Really, there is no need to spend a ridiculous amount of money, unless you can truly afford it. I had a wonderful day, felt like a queen and we are still together 14 years later. That is what counts, not how much is spent.

My husband often jokes that he paid £36 for me (the cost of the register office) and has had great value for money!

ITFC

I am in my mid 30's and also in the forces and I can say from experience that it is best for you to buy a house as soon as you can afford it.

Dependant upon how ambitious/successful your partner is a military career only has a finite shelf life and whilst the retirement benefits are attractive you could find yourself with a sizeable mortgage remaining as your partners career draws to close, not to mention you may have to factor in children etc.

The forces also provide a small amount of financial assistance to purchase a home, though if you are planning to let this assistance may not be the best option for you.

I also agree with Katinkka, you should re-visit your wedding plans - you needn't spend a fortune to have a fantastic day.

I am no expert on credit cards, but your OH must be able to secure a better deal with someone. Have all financial ties with the 'wily and naughty' family member been severed - if so you could try talking to different companies and explain your situation, as your OH is a commissioned officer his stable income should count for something. I am always having to talk to companies as I haven't spent more than three years at one address for over 12 years.

Hope this helps.

zAndy1

Yeah I have to say that spending 10k on a wedding is an extravagance you can't really afford. Too many people these days seem to think that to have a nice wedding they have to spend £10k, frankly it's a ridiculous amount of money to spend on one day and you could easily halve that and still have a wonderful day and honeymoon. Would you mind posting a breakdown of where that 10k is likely to be spent as it may well focus the mind on just where savings can be made?
Good luck and it is a good idea to buy as soon as you can really, it's a buyers market at the moment so make some cheeky offers bearing in mind prices might fall a bit yet and see how you get on.

margaretclare

I agree with all the previous posters - £10K is an incredibly-excessive amount to spend on a wedding! What on earth is all that meant to cover??? There is absolutely no necessity to budget that amount for a ceremony. If you're really really serious about sorting out your money problems - mainly your OH's, yours is not TOO bad - then the only advice you're going to get on a site like this is 'rein back those plans severely'. The discipline will be good for both of you! If you spend the absolute minimum on a wedding it makes no difference - you get back from the honeymoon and you're just as 'married' as someone who spent huge amounts.

Aunty Margaret

Little_Miss_Winner

I agree with everyone else, a much smaller/less expensive wedding would be a good idea!
Also your husband will feel as proud as punch, if he can grab a beautiful bride AND knock thousands off his debts! With the 10K you were planning to spend.

Good Luck to you both
x

Malestrom

I have to agree with the other posters, 10k on a wedding is a lot of money. You can both still have a really special day on a much lower budget. People do tend to have it drummed into them that its got to be a church wedding, with a professional photographer and a videographer, with flowers down the aisle and five bridesmaids, followed by a reception at a posh hotel for 50 guests at £30 per head, etc, etc.....

That is where all the money goes and you actually spend very little of it on yourselves. Its supposed to be your special day and yet you pay for all 'n' sundry to eat and drink everything in sight. The only part thats really 'yours' is the ceremony and the honeymoon, the rest is for everyone elses benefit.

We spent £6000 on our wedding. We went through all the motions of booking the church, the reception dinner, the evening hall and when we sat down and worked it out we were looking at paying out many thousands of pounds so that everyone else could have a good time. We talked it over and decided to go abroad and went to Kauai, which is one of the Hawaiian islands. We spent 19 days there, got married with an intimate ceremony in a beautiful flower garden with cake and champagne on day five and then spent the rest of the time there as our honeymoon. Six grand total which included all our activities and trips, which is admittedly a lot of money but we're' glad to have spent it the way we did rather than on everyone else. Its horses for courses obviously and that may not be what you want but it suited us down to the ground. All i'm trying to say is that we had a very memorable wedding with a fantastic honeymoon for nearly half your budget, think twice before spending so much and make sure its what you both really want rather than what your friends and family are expecting.

Tondella

Hi Guys

Thanks for your responses! I knew I was going to catch it for the wedding budget, and I know from reading the money saver wedding threads how cheaply it can be done.

Aaah, this is a tough one for me to budge on, particularly as my friend is getting married for £20k this winter (don't even ask!). The rough breakdown of costs for the wedding are: venue/reception £2500, rings £250, photography £1000 (although I now have a promising quote for £725), clothes & hotel rooms for bride, groom, best man, bridesmaid £1500, cake I am going to make myself, £2500 honeymoon, £1000 fudge factor. We've already booked a venue (for civil ceremony and reception) and alot of the costs (room hire, food) are a consequence of that venue choice. Essentially we've chosen to spend money where we think it counts, ie food for our guests, a beautiful venue and on a new suit for OH. I'm wise to the licence-to-print money wedding industry and don't feel pressured to succumb to buying £20 boxes of petal etc for the table decorations. I do appreciate the wisdom of your collective advice against starting married life with a £10k debt to face.

However, wedding costs are half of the problem, even with no wedding we are still faced with this £20k. There appear to be a couple of positive reassurances about getting onto the property ladder early. FTC, we were aware of the advance for a deposit that the Armed Forces offer their staff (advance of pay) but admit I haven't done too much looking into it. If we think our credit refusals are b/c of OH's changing addresses is it worth a phone call to negotiate an agreement in person?

Keep em coming, even if it is hard for me to swallow!

ITFC

Tondella wrote:

FTC, we were aware of the advance for a deposit that the Armed Forces offer their staff (advance of pay) but admit I haven't done too much looking into it. If we think our credit refusals are b/c of OH's changing addresses is it worth a phone call to negotiate an agreement in person?

The advance of pay is certainly worth looking into, and information will be readily available from your OH admin office.

I have always found it beneficial to apply for CC over the phone, online applications seem so impersonal and it is often much better to talk to someone - don't be bullied into any kind of payment protection though!! There are however other posters who I am sure will be able to give you much better advice on CC companies.

Why is OH buying a suit - do you both object to him wearing uniform?

YorkshireBoy

Tondella wrote:

Aaah, this is a tough one for me to budge on, particularly as my friend is getting married for £20k this winter

Will she be taking the name "Jones" by any chance?

I ask because the above line in your post says that "if my friend can do it, so can I". Quite possibly she is marrying someone with no debt?

How can you even contemplate starting out married life with such a debt burden. Even if you can "save" the £10K for the wedding, this is the equivalent of half your debt wasted on one afternoon and a holiday!

When we got married back in 1982, after putting 10% down on our house ( I know houses were cheaper then but mortgage interest was 16%!!!) and furnishing it with what we could afford for "cash", we had a day each at Morecambe and Lightwater Valley during our 7 day Honeymoon!

Just one final thought...

While your earning 4% on your savings for the wedding, "hubby-to-be" is probably paying 17.9% or more on his (now your) debt! Now tell me, where's the logic in that?

Having said all the above I wish you every success for the future.