sisters wedding abroad

Benny24

We are gettng married in Florida in May. We have paid for the flights and accomodation for my sister her OH and 2 kids, and my OH's sister. We are staying in a large villa, and having the wedding ceremony at the villa. In all the cost was far cheaper than having a wedding here, where you end up paying for "all and sundry" as it were, we now have those people we want at our wedding.

It is their wedding day, and most improtantly they should do as they wish. We felt as it was our choice to go abroad, there were certain people we wanted to be there, and made the offer of paying. In the end, still cheaper than doing it here!

Could your sister perhaps pay for your accomodation to alleviate costs...?

belfastgirl23

I think you can only be honest with her. Tell her you'd love to be there but it isn't going to be possible financially. Make it clear you don't expect her to change her plans because of you. Offer to celebrate with her when they get back (maybe have a small party or something) or even to attend a mass or service at the time she is getting married but in your own town (if you or she are religious). Make it clear you'll be thinking about her and wishing her well in whatever way appropriate. When my DSis got married we were all broke so only parents went over, but we had a small party with the family at the time she was getting married (just lemonade and cake, nothing fancy), spoke to her on the phone and then had a bigger (tho still cheap) party when she got back.

But I totally agree with the emjem, no guilt and only happy feelings. And if by any chance she should try to pull the guilt stunt on you I would just keep saying that I'm so sorry but I can't afford it....don't try to explain yourself any further it will just get messy.

Let us know how it goes.

luckichi

Hi

I am seeing my sister on Sunday so we will discuss it then as its not something I want to talk about on the phone.
The problem is that we are building a house so all our disposable income & time is going into this & next summer I just don't know where we will be apart from money will be very tight.
So to be honest I know I can't afford to go but really would love to be there.
Thanks for all replies.

poppyscorner

Hi,

We got married in the dom rep and I have to say all my side of the family were there however my DH didn't have his brother or sister there I would have been gutted if my sis or parents werent there as we are very close but I would've got married regardless and I would'nt have made their lives difficult over it.

We threw a big party on our return for all family who couldn't make the day and that eased it a bit have they got plans to do that at all?
I know that its not the same but everyone wore their wedding clothes and the party was great.

Poppy x

Strapped

Are you sure that your sister is not intending to pay for you to go? Just a thought.

Otherwise I would investigate going alone or just with your OH. Are there other (wider) family members going who you could share accomodation with? We went to a wedding in the States a few years ago, and most of the guests clubbed together to rent a small villa for a few days which was much cheaper than all getting hotel rooms.

tesuhoha

My friend's son is getting married in Sri Lanka and she told him that she didnt know if she could afford the fares to attend the wedding. His reply was 'Dont worry about it. If you cant, you cant.' :rolleyes:

Bex45

I appreciate that everyone is different, but for me, not having my family around me on my wedding day would have been awful! However, anyone who chooses to get married abroad (like your sister) must have considered the possibility that some people just won't be able to afford it. If they've decided to go ahead anyway, then that's their decision and no reason for you to feel guilty at all. As others have said, can you cost it out? If you usually have an annual holiday abroad anyway, could you make this your main holiday of the year? It looks like you will have quite a bit of time to save up for it, at least.
Bex

tiamai_d

Is there any way you and a few friends other family members could all get together and throw a party when they get home? A second reception? I'm sure everyone who can't afford to go, unable to go etc would love it.

A number of friends have done this, the bride even wearing her dress again for everyone to see, a TV got set up and a video of the wedding was shown, photo's shown round etc.

She should understand that you can't afford to go with her, and it would be a really nice way for you all to get together afterwards.

AnnieM_3

ringo_24601 wrote: »

Right, my 'economic take' on weddings abroad is that the decision effectively shifts the total wedding costs away from the couple and onto the guests.

You need to tell her you can't afford it, maybe even make her feel guilty that her choice of wedding means her whole family can't make it.

Sorry, but my view is that weddings are a family event... not solely for the couple

I'm sorry, but I have to disagree.

We got married in another town, as we wanted a particular venue for the ceremony and the reception. We decided that we would keep the guests on the day (a Friday) to the minimum, and only had immediate family on the guest list. We paid for the people to stay in a hotel that night. The next night (Saturday) we had a big do in our home town for all our friends and family, and had our marriage blessed in front of everyone.

Because we knew it would be an imposition to expect people to take a day off work etc on the Friday, and because we were on a very tight budget, which meant we couldn't afford a traditional 'do' with a sit down meal for 100 people, we took the decision to only do that bit with our immediate family. We decided that we would have to offend all our other relatives equally, but that the blessing and the party the day after(with speeches, first dance and cake-cutting) would hopefully make up for it.

2 people chose to take offence, and a huge row ensued - they managed to upset everyone. It was very hurtful - especially as we had worded our invitations very carefully to make sure everyone knew about the blessing etc

If you choose to make the bride and groom feel bad about their choice of wedding venue etc, you will risk upsetting a LOT of people. Just explain you can't make it, and they should understand. Don't hold it against them - but do ask to see lots of pictures - maybe someone has a webcam they can use to send a vid of the ceremony? Please don't ruin their wedding the way ringo suggests!

rainbowgold

I disagree too, if any of my family were getting married, anywhere in the world, I would be there. Life is too short and this is something you will never be able to do again. I would forgo my own holidays and special things I had planned to be there, as I know my sister would never forgive me or see if like that. You only have one short life and family is so very important. There are charter flights, campsites, hostels, there are cheap ways to travel. I would speak to your sister about your concerns, but I would try every way you can to make it, even if its just you!