Dealing with the stress of debt

kizzykizzywizzy

Hi Chimp choker, I really like your "New" attitude!
Just think how things could've been if your suicide attempts had been successful, the barstewards would have won.
I know what it's like to feel suicidal, not over money, but when our first baby died ( he was premature ) myself & my Husband both felt like this & had to promise each other we wouldn't do anything silly, it's not a nice feeling to think that's your only way out, but obviously you've kept going & so have we & we have 2 lovely children now, so what a waste it would've been.
I must say when my daughter was born, I left work to look after her ( couldn't really afford to ) she had all Mamas & papas nursery stuff, nothing 2nd hand & was spoilt rotten, I was so happy to have her, I wanted her to have everything that I couldn't give my little boy & that's a big part of the debt too, so emotions also play a big part in gaining debt

always_amazed

hey; great thread.
I'm beginning to wonder how I will survive without debt... but anyway enough musing. The most important thing for me right now is to pay back what I've spent now. If, in the fututre, I get into more debt to furtehr my career etc that will be different; but I think this debt is so sttressful because it's stupid spending.

Pobby

I think,as an older forum member,a completely different attitude to cash starting after the 90`s recession.That was tough for many however suddenly this all changed.Interest rates tumbling,loose lending was the norm and people started buying like it was going out of style often on stuff they didn`t need or was never used.

So the relationship with money became false and distorted.Advertising has bombarded us with false promises.Buy this,be happy.You are letting your kids down if you don`t give them everything they want.Have that holiday,you deserve it.So many bought into this illusion.Get rich quick,Jane Goody did,play the lotto,win millions.It all adds up that we kid ourselves that if we don`t do/have these things somehow we have missed out.

I have seen this with members of my family.All of us earned extremely good incomes.Some of my family spent that and borrowed more living the dream.We carried on at a lower level because we realised that all the new cars,kitchens or whatever were illusions.Well the party is coming to an end.none of us are earning(we are self employed) what we were a few years ago.It`s not so important for us as we have a ``live low`` life style.

I have to admit this site has contributed to the way we live.It reinforced my feelings regarding debt.I am not trying to be superior because 15 years ago I was spending virtually everything on rubbish.However due to circumstances my lbm was a good number of years ago.

It is amazing to come here and see others having there lbm.To see the strength at how people are tackling their situation.It is a good place to come.I dread to think what many would have done without this site.

boredofbeingathome

It wasn't all halcyon days in the past.My mum lived on tick, she had people who called weekly for money, but was on first name terms with them so it made it easier for her mentally i suppose. I remember having to hide from the TV rental man and she always owed rent to the council. I can relate to bathgate buyer in wanting better things when we grew up, only i was always budgeting for those things and my OH who grew up in middle class well off suburbia spends like its no tomorrow, has to have the best and have it now. I feel like i'm still paying for years of poverty and will be in debt for the rest of our lives in one form or other because as soon as its clear he comes up with something else.

chimp_choker

always_amazed wrote: »

hey; great thread.
I'm beginning to wonder how I will survive without debt... but anyway enough musing. The most important thing for me right now is to pay back what I've spent now. If, in the fututre, I get into more debt to furtehr my career etc that will be different; but I think this debt is so sttressful because it's stupid spending.

The thing with me is that i will never get into debt again. It has taken / will take me that long to pay off this lot that i won't start again, carreer or not. That's not to say you are wrong or to take a swipe at you, good luck but I bet you will be more on hand with the issue next time. Me, i'll be happy to slap cash down on the counter and haggle for a discount, lol. Having said that if you buy anything over £1000 now you have to go through a bank account to avoid money laundering rules... so much for those not able to get a current acount!!

lieutenant_dan

chimp_choker wrote: »

My debt started in 1986. We were looking for a house and then to get married. My brother was in very bad health and living down the street to me and my mum so he gave me his house and moved back with our mum.

That sounds idyllic but the house was valued at £300 and we needed £3000 to renovate it. No mortgage company would lend on negative equity and as I was in a good contracting job and a good credit history we used credit cards to renovate the house. In 87 I broke my back and money went from around £300 a week to £47 a week. We continued to live the £300 a week lifestyle with the CC's. Fast forward to 2005 and i now have a £100 k mortgage, 61k in plastic debt and on a DMP !! Our son had all the best clothes and shoes, we all had good holidays, drove a nice car and wasted at least half the food we bought each week to name a few.
stress and anxiety led to hospitalisation, 3 attempted suicides, health related issues and then after the last suicide attempt..... which would have been sucessful had not been for a bloody lifeboat on practice duty, lol ( if you jump of piers in hartlepool you need to do it as the tide is going out and the currents drag you round to redcar where the life boat was) and then my first lightbulb moment was well it's only money if i don't have it they can't have it. Now I fight and swear and be a right cantankerous !!!!!!! towards the credit companies. If they leave me alone they will get all their money back probably within another 5 years but hassle me and god help them. i'll use all the tactics known to man to hassle and put the fear of god up them. I now have the mental strength to take them on and woe betide any of them who upset me. I actively look for ways to torture them like ring them up 10 or 15 times a day asking for the same person who rang me. I ask them to clarify points in writing, then each point I ask for more clarification etc. I leave messages when they are closed so the people who have rung me know when they are at home they will be getting an answer phone message the next morning. I've got two people leaving the creditors jobs because of this and I don't feel guilty at all. They hassle me i hassle them. The down side is that you need to be strong.... I am now, and I meditate daily, many times daily I've even got it down to a fine art where I can meditate between the changing of the traffic lights and that has given me the clarity and strength of mind. I truly believe in paying my debts but at a reasonable pace that allows me to buy food for my family all be it ony £180 a months worth but still fight the !!!!!!!s.The next thing i'm looking at is the CCA just in case any of them start to chew me.


Chimpchoker

brilliant post, you've even managed to find humour in a suicide attempt, I like that idea of turning things on its head a bit and harrassing the harrassers at debt collection companies :beer: