Dealing with the stress of debt

lieutenant_dan

OK, there may be different reasons for people to get into debt, either through reckless overspending or changes in circumstances or both. And owing money isn't as bad as having health problems for example. (though eventually the one may lead to the other)

But I think psychologically it can be very hard to deal with and can dominate you if you owe money and lots of it. Can stop you from getting a good night's sleep, can make you beat yourself up for not being able to afford or do certain things you might want to, it's basically very very frustrating.

How do you cope with the stress of it, and does anyone REALLY have the attitude "it's only money"??

debtman2007

i used to have the "its only money" attitude unfortunately i now find myself with £35k worth of drbt

mhe

I felt like this when i was being an ostrich. When i owned up and had my LBM i somehow started to feel better as i was tackling the situation and i knew that from then on things could only get better and i had taken control. It is still scary at times. It is still really horrible at times. I hate having no money and feeling that im letting my kids down cos they dont have the things some of their friends have and we dont live in a mansion and we havent been to Florida! But i try and cheer myself up by imagining that they are all slowly working up to having a LBM too.
I keep snowballing and crossing off another debt on my planner and that gives me a buzz and a real sense of satisfaction (sad i know LOL:rotfl: )

In about 12 months time all my efforts will have been worth it and i will be DF:T

lieutenant_dan

Me too, I had that carefree attitude. Unfortunately that saying is ultimately as inaccurate as "money can't buy happiness" as you eventually find out to your cost. It can't directly perhaps, but eliminating money worries from life goes a long way towards achieving happiness and well being.

I just wonder before the credit boom how people managed if they couldn't afford to live? Most of the time with credit problems it's people who are overstretching or trying to live above their incomes, so it is all avoidable really. Definitely in my case. Once I finally clear my debts this time next year, I'll be going without rather than trying to overstretch if I can't afford to do something, far less stressful to just make do without than buy now and pay later.

mummytofour

I feel better since going on the DMP I think my attitude has changed. I nolonger worry about paying my bills, I am very careful (ish) with money and am enjoying less stress. I feel bad that I am not paying what I owe but it will all be paid off one day. Facing the debts head on has made me a stronger person and allowed me to breath.
Wanted to add that we never lived the high life on the money it was just da to day living.

lieutenant_dan

OK mummytofour, but back to one of my points, what would you have done without access to easy credit?

Was it the bare essential day to day costs, or some things that could have been done without?

If we go back to the sixties/seventies etc, many families did struggle and had to do without/wear hand me down clothes etc, just wondering if this easy credit trap was avoidable even if money is tight for many families every month? (and in any case, the easy credit days are well and truly over, so maybe many people will now be forced to either live within their means or to make a lot more sacrifices)

Tiglet

I think that dealing with debt is one of those things that makes you realise that a significant part of the world is actually pretty much the opposite of what you previously believed.

I read a quote yesterday (can't remember where). It said, approximately, that most people live their lives spending money they haven't got, buying things they don't need to impress people they don't like.

Once you can start seeing that kind of behaviour in yourself, the desire to carry on behaving like that starts to go away. Then you can start to reassess what money means to you, so that you're no longer likely to keep repeating the mistakes that got you into debt in the first place. From then on, you can start dealing with the existing debt knowing that it will go away. That's when you can start thinking it's only money.

bathgatebuyer

Stress for me has meant sleepless nights, being scared of my home phone ringing, my hands shaking when I'm opening letters, and panic attacks which led to being carted off to A & E in an ambulance! (Although the worst was 5 hours on the loo with constipation and being sent to A & E by my GP because I wasn't, erm, functioning!) Every aspect of my life has been affected by debts - relationships, work, health, fitness, ambitions, hopes, education, confidence.

I have learned a hard lesson. Some of it was my fault and some of it wasn't, but ultimately the aftermath stays with me. At the moment, I consider my debts manageable in that they are now down to about £3.5K from £34K in roughly 2 years. Luckily I'm in a job I really enjoy, I feel secure in, and I've totally changed the way I think about money.

But, I still haven't reconnected my home phone as I just can't stand to ever hear it ring again. Amazing what 70 calls a day from debt collectors can teach you!

lieutenant_dan

Impressive going bathgate, £35k down to £3.5k.

I know the feeling of being hounded by debt collectors, got to the stage where I was getting more calls regarding debt than from friends

Also agree Tiglet, that frivolous spending is ultimately not worth it, beyond the bare essentials just need to find what makes you happy and spend within your means, instead of trying to keep up with this commercialism culture.

mhe

I think credit has trapped a lot of people. In the 60s and before (not that i was alive then) my gparents and parents said that people didnt expect as much.
My mum said when she was little a meal out was a real very rare treat. My kids think its the norm and so did my CC!:eek:
Id like to work part time but cant afford it - it would mean giving up holidays extra car etc. In 50s people didnt do this or have this did they.
I think just as women are made to feel fat and inadequate if they arent a skinnysize so we are being made to feel we are inadequate if we cant afford the latest gadget, bigger home, great hol, nice clothes etc, etc.....
We live for a while pretending we can buy it by surviving on credit and then 1 day you realize it wasnt real and now you will have to pay for your foolishness.
I think most people who clear their debts come thru' being wiser and more sensible with their cash. Having been there once you dont want to end up there again.

loveandlight

bathgate buyer: sorry to read of what you went through. You have done absolutely fantastic to get your debts down to £3.5k in two years. How on earth did you manage that? Well done. What an inspiration. I hope you are in much better health now.