Dealing with the stress of debt

monkey22_2

When I read newbies' posts on here, their stress and anxiety is palpable and I think "That's how I felt a few years ago". Its a horrible feeling.
I still have an enormous amount of debt (around £26,000) but it's down from £34,000 3 years ago.
In that time we've changed our attitude to money COMPLETELY.
Me and OH ran up the debt at a time when we were both working full-time. Now 3 years down the line, we have 2 kids, 1 income, £8,000 paid off, and most importantly NO STRESS.
We have a DMP and no longer pay interest on the debt, we live within our means, budget every month and save up for things we need (who'd've thought?) and one day we WILL be debt-free

MidlandsMum

I've kind of turned the situation on it's on it's head. I dont work for the money anymore, it works for me. I control the finances, I dont let myself be controlled by them. I decide what gets spent and if we really need it or not, If I overspend one week then I budget to underspend the week after.

Before my LBM I used to lie in bed adding up figures in my head, unable to sleep and not being able to make ends meet. Now I snowball in my head, which has resulted in a lot less sleepless nights.

bathgatebuyer

loveandlight wrote: »

bathgate buyer: sorry to read of what you went through. You have done absolutely fantastic to get your debts down to £3.5k in two years. How on earth did you manage that? Well done. What an inspiration. I hope you are in much better health now.

Much better health, thanks! In my own situation, I'd had about 4 jobs in 2 years including one which ended after 2 weeks when the firm I'd given up a job I enjoyed for decided I was overqualified (in reality, a wee snivelling git in the office though he was getting a graduate to work under him, and he actually got someone who was way more qualified - he moaned to one of his friends who was a Partner and that was curtains for me). So, I'd gone from a steady job which I enjoyed and was comfortable in to one which ended in a fortnight leaving me on the dole and having to try and explain on my CV why I was out of work.
Anyhoo, I'm a client of that particular firm now and watching them snivel and grovel towards me when I to there office is just :rotfl: :T

In terms of cutting my debt, I just learned to become very canny. I reclaimed whatever charges I could which totalled about £8K all in, I argued with the Benefits Agency over the JSA I didn't get for part of my unemployment, I argued with the Council Tax people who didn't give me any concessions when I wasn't earning, I made claims on my PPI (most companes paid out apart from the Halifax who I'll be seeing court soon about mis-selling).

I haven't bought any new clothes for about 3 years - everything is EBay or charity shops. Xmas is paid for by Pigsback or loyalty points, I don't eat out, don't drink, but have learned to be happy with what I have and yet I did find a bit of spare cash to spoil myself with my bonus from work with a new 37" TV!:T

Truth is, fear of being vulnerable and in debt again terrifies me. That's probably the driving force of it all. I hate the feeling of someone phoning up and saying, "You owe us money" and having to say, "Sorry, I have less than nothing to my name". There's a level of comfort and security in having even just a few hundred pounds in savings - a stage which I hopefully want to reach and become the norm as I tackle this last part of my debts.

My expectations in life have changed. I'm content paying my bills - if that means no new car for a few years, then fine. I do get slagegd for my old car, but at least I can sleep at night.

And fate gave me my reward with a prize to California in the Summer which I genuinely think is my reward for all the crap over the past few years.

shamu95

At the end of the day it is only money!

I am in over £60k of debt and spent a year totally stressed out, sleepless nights,constant worries -couldn't think about anything else it was all consuming.
However one of my friends got diagnosed with a cancerous brain tumour and died within 8 months leaving his kids behind.
My own kids hated seeing me always crying over money and they are only young. However many money problems I have, I feel very lucky that I have my health and I have the chance to see my children grow up.
Although the money does still bother me more than I would like I am dealing with it but if I fail to sort it out (which I don't intend to) then what is the worst that can happen?

As for what would I have done if credit hadn't been available-well I would have lost the house and be in council property. As my debt was due to getting seriously ill whilst pregnant and no policies really want to help when you are pregnant so was stuck.

And I'll tell you the stress of debt is nowhere near as bad as the stress of worrying about whether you will live to see your child born or if you will ever get the bond back and the trust with your existing child.

All i'm trying to say is I do understand as have been there and still have them days now however I want you all to put things into perspective and try and focus on what we have got and not what we don't.

Needcash_3

What a great read ....

You're an inspiration Bathgatebuyer :beer:

Think I must be a bit weird though as the 'stress' of always being told no and that we couldn't afford things .... then receiving loads of presents at Christmas confused the hell out of me as a kid. That one off feeling at Christmas (probably guilt driven by my Mum), was what I held on to and made me resolve that I would always have what I wanted when I wanted. So, when I was old enough, I started on my journey in to debt.
The thing that I stress about now is my apparent lack of ability to budget and save up for things ... I beat myself up about that all the time.

laineyc_2

I have lost sleep over debts. Things got out of hand so quickly. I had my light bulb moment and have managed to change my mindset. I now realise that I had to grow up and that my kids did not need all the clubs etc, I was trying to give them. I found this site, told my OH about my situation and I have managed to sleep properly for the first time in months. I know that I will never over stretch myself again and that brings me huge relief.

bathgatebuyer

Needcash wrote: »

What a great read ....

You're an inspiration Bathgatebuyer :beer:
Think I must be a bit weird though as the 'stress' of always being told no and that we couldn't afford things .... then receiving loads of presents at Christmas confused the hell out of me as a kid. That one off feeling at Christmas (probably guilt driven by my Mum), was what I held on to and made me resolve that I would always have what I wanted when I wanted. So, when I was old enough, I started on my journey in to debt.

Sounds exactly like me in some respects. My Mum brought me up on her own after my Dad left when I was a toddler. I worn home made clothes which saved her a bomb, but because it wasn't the latest fashions, I can remember getting battered at school for being seriously uncool. My trainers were no-names from Poundstretcher and the like, never Adidas or Puma, so I got thumped for it regularly.

Even at secondary school I can clearly remember one of the 'trendy' girls (you know the type, always drinking in parks with lads in their early twenties!) taking the right rise out of me for being uncool and things in a class. I ended up hitting her a bit too hard when my temper went after 3 years of it. She ended up with a perforated eardrum - of which I'm thoroughly ashamed.

A large part of me does still want to have nice things and wear the right clothes as a bit 'f*** you' to all those people who saw me as being weak for not having the right labels of latest fashions when I was younger. "Yeah, let's hear the names now I've got a new Mini, or my Breitling watch................" used to be my attitude. I don't think it's uncommon that people who haev had nothign growing up, don't understand that what we've always wanted and always attained for, doesn't actually matter! But, you only know when you find out what a double-edged sword it can be.

chimp_choker

My debt started in 1986. We were looking for a house and then to get married. My brother was in very bad health and living down the street to me and my mum so he gave me his house and moved back with our mum.

That sounds idyllic but the house was valued at £300 and we needed £3000 to renovate it. No mortgage company would lend on negative equity and as I was in a good contracting job and a good credit history we used credit cards to renovate the house. In 87 I broke my back and money went from around £300 a week to £47 a week. We continued to live the £300 a week lifestyle with the CC's. Fast forward to 2005 and i now have a £100 k mortgage, 61k in plastic debt and on a DMP !! Our son had all the best clothes and shoes, we all had good holidays, drove a nice car and wasted at least half the food we bought each week to name a few.
stress and anxiety led to hospitalisation, 3 attempted suicides, health related issues and then after the last suicide attempt..... which would have been sucessful had not been for a bloody lifeboat on practice duty, lol ( if you jump of piers in hartlepool you need to do it as the tide is going out and the currents drag you round to redcar where the life boat was) and then my first lightbulb moment was well it's only money if i don't have it they can't have it. Now I fight and swear and be a right cantankerous !!!!!!! towards the credit companies. If they leave me alone they will get all their money back probably within another 5 years but hassle me and god help them. i'll use all the tactics known to man to hassle and put the fear of god up them. I now have the mental strength to take them on and woe betide any of them who upset me. I actively look for ways to torture them like ring them up 10 or 15 times a day asking for the same person who rang me. I ask them to clarify points in writing, then each point I ask for more clarification etc. I leave messages when they are closed so the people who have rung me know when they are at home they will be getting an answer phone message the next morning. I've got two people leaving the creditors jobs because of this and I don't feel guilty at all. They hassle me i hassle them. The down side is that you need to be strong.... I am now, and I meditate daily, many times daily I've even got it down to a fine art where I can meditate between the changing of the traffic lights and that has given me the clarity and strength of mind. I truly believe in paying my debts but at a reasonable pace that allows me to buy food for my family all be it ony £180 a months worth but still fight the !!!!!!!s.The next thing i'm looking at is the CCA just in case any of them start to chew me.


Chimpchoker

kizzykizzywizzy

Hi there,
I have had many flickers of a lightbulb in the past, when perhaps, I could've cleared the debt before it got so bad, but as we all know, sometimes scrimping & saving when all around you are spending, going on hols buying lovely clothes etc, can get you down & many of those flickers went & the "It's only money " idea came back, also sometimes when you are in a mess you can't see a way out of it, so you think what difference will another few grand make.
I have been lucky ( maybe not the right term ) but I haven't ever had the problem that people won't give me extra credit (debt!!) but in the situation I'm in it has helped as I'm able to move to 0% cards, I really do feel for people that are paying so much on cards to clear very little, it's bad enough the slow speed that I'm paying it off, it is really hard sometimes.
I have never felt in control of money the way I do now & I know ( a bit like finding true love ) that this lighhtbulb will never dim!!

Gemmzie

I don't think you can compare it to the past and say oh well they lived within their means then and people don't now. Okay that's true of many but not all.
The cost of living at the moment is horrendous - it's cheaper to buy a computer than to heat your house for a few months. Food prices are sky rocketing.

It's getting very hard for many to just live day to day, and if there's illness or an emergency - everything falls down because so many live on such a tightrope of balance.