Jealous of my boss-Help

moneymaker2

Hi All,

I hope someone can give me some advice.

Here's my problem:

I am 25 fully employed to the tune of £18,350 basic plus bonuses. My husband is 28 again fully employed earning approx £20,000 plus bonuses.
We have 2 children aged 7 months and nearly 6 years old.

My boss beat me to the job that she has back in November. I don't mind that she got the job, in fact she is alot better at it than I ever would have been.
She's 28. 29 this year earning £21,000 plus bonuses, her partner earns approx £31,000 per year.No kids.But she has approx £400-£500 disposable income every month. I have nothing!:eek:

She always looks great and always has brand new Ted Baker clothes and expensive paul smith bags and purses. It all started when I saw her wearing the same Accessorize bracelet as me. It didn't take me long to then purchase the same Radley bag as her (£100) and then 2 Ted Baker purses (£100). I was also contemplating getting the same paul smith bag as her but it is £500 and thats the only thing that stopped me doing it to be honest.

We have become great mates and we are going on a cheap hen do to blackpool in a few weeks and I really want to nip things in a bud before I convince myself that I have to go holiday shopping.

I even purchased a new top yesterday (£60) but justified it to myself as I said that I would get the wear out of it and I didn't mind paying that much for something that I would wear so much.

One day I aspire to be like her, with the good job and the disposable income, but my current dfd is when i will be 33ish. Making my kids 13 and 8.

I'm babbling now, just wanted to repent my sins and claim some advice if I may.

''Not so'' Moneymaking 2

(Land_of)_Maz

right lady!!! She has no kids! You have 2 kids!............

Need i say more?! I bet she wishes she was you!

Be grateful for what you've got, keep working away at your plan, and aspire to be something for you. not someone else! you will never be like her by virtue of the fact that you have 2 great kids.

Plus who says she has that much disposable income? She's probably got some debt but isn't open about it.

Enjoy your friendship with this woman, but please don't aspire to be her, as i doubt she really has it all and you might start freaking her out if you keep copying her.

£500 on a handbag!!! (I do have a radley but it was a present) and how many purses does one person need!

Edit: re the job, nice of you to say she oes a good job. You keep plugging away at your job, pump her for info, offer to help and prime yourself for the day she leaves (2-3 years maybe?) and you can snaffle the job for yourself by the time you are ready for it!

masterkay

Title says it all. We all have bouts of this, thinking someone else's life is better than hours. Honestly you don't know what goes on behind closed doors or how good you have it until it is gone.

Maybe she is desperate for children and has not be able to have any and is really jealous of you. You have things that money cannot buy. I know which situation I'd rather be in. Maybe that is why she is spending all her income on material things to fill the void. You never know she may have had these spending habits for years and be in huge debt.

I think you've got yourself into a rut and that's why you are feeling like this. Sit down and think about why everything you have is so good and turn this feeling jealous of her into something good. Have it as a goal to be like her in a good way as being successful and getting the promotion. The bags and the clothes did not get her the promotion. I think you believe that if you copy her in this way everything else will follow but it won't.

At least you are self-aware enough to know this is happening to you, which I think most people would struggle with.

Good luck

mrcow

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You can't afford to do this and you owe it to your family to sort your money out rather than throwing it away on handbags. You could have nearly paid off the money that you owe to Alliance and Leicester with the cash that you've spent in fashion accessories recently - harsh perhaps but true.

I think that you need to pick a better role model for yourself. Aspiring to be like your boss is fine......but why be so materialistic about it? The handbag doesn't make (and has never made!) the woman!

Rikki

I think its more likely she aspires to be you.

Happily married two children and when they've grown up you will be young enough to enjoy your new freedom and special adult time with and without your children.


She still has to give up this life style to start a family. Loose her figure and struggle to regain it. Keep a good job and cope with money being tight. You have done this and are on the upwards curve and for you things can only get better.

Why try and copy?
Find your own style and be unique.
You don't need to buy expensive to look good.

She will be flattered by your copying, but would she be so confident if you didn't?

Would she be the person you think she is if she didn't have such expensive taste. You seem to have put her on this pedestal. Does she really deserve to be there?

Anyone can buy expensive clothes, bags, shoes as you well know, but what it better a great home, family or that expensive top. I know what is to me.

Sorry, I have gone on a bit.

.

Merlot

I totally agree with mrcow, you need to look at your life and your different priorities. She may want everything you have...you never know.

Mrcow, I hope you are ok? I've been reading your thread, sending huge hugs to you:grouphug:.

moneymaker2

Thanks all, Starting to feel a little bit like a naughty school kid.
I don't think that it is about being like her. I think it's the financial freedom that I know she has.
I have re-applied for another position. Same job role but different department. I'm hoping i'll find out Wednesday if I have it or not my wage will then go up to £21k.
Actually thinking about it now that I have said that. Maybe in some way or another my recent spending has been to do with no getting the job and then having to re-apply. Maybe my head thinks this is what got her the job and I must do the same. Am I convincing anyone else yet?

Lx

wydsiwyrg

If you get the payrise, please, please throw the money at sorting out your debt, rather than buying all those items you wanted!

(Land_of)_Maz

even though it's handbags as opposed to smoking/drinking (as when we were younger), i think it's probably a little bit of peer pressure to have these fashionable things.....

Well done for recognising you have a problem, that'll probably be enough to stop you from now on.

Do you still have the receipt for that top?! )

moneymaker2

Hi Maz,

My husband has it. He has been doing some extra work and got a bonus in the paypacket. He said it was my valentines day present. Only problem with me is that I look at something and think ''Ahhhh, that's pretty!!! And then look at thye price when I am at the till. I did rush past the nicest purse I have ever seen though. At least I know where I am going wrong and I have cancelled my next account so that I cannot spend any more money on there.
So to answer you original question. Yes I still have the top it is lovely and warm and smells of perfume. (Yes i'm wearing it) but can I justify it buy saying that it is organic??? Oh and I can't take it back cause it has baby milk on it now... Will certainly learn from my mistakes.

L x

full-time-mum

It would be easy to just say "For goodness sake, get a grip woman". However, these emotional things are never that simple. If you don't think this is a temporary blib that you can get over (and please be honest with yourself) then you should go and seek some help before it becomes some sort of emotional/compulsive disorder.

Fingers crossed with the job and spend your pay increase wisely.

Maybe you can turn this problem on its head - your challange is to look as good as her on a tiny fraction of the budget. We've all read about top models shopping for £8 dresses at primarks/new look etc.:grouphug: