MOT and twins - Start of our new life!

ampersand

Just found message J - my love to her, for her.
Yes, tomorrow please - feel same as you tonight, mine own self-inflicted after stupidity of this evening re:WW.

pania

Hugs MOT are you ok? more problems with pops?

Big cuddle being extended right in your direction.

mumoftwins

pania wrote: »

Hugs MOT are you ok? more problems with pops?

Big cuddle being extended right in your direction.

Thanks Pania, I don't what it is with that man but when I text him or email him about arrangements for the twins or suchlike he never replies and it really p*sses me off:mad: - one of the reasons our marriage broke down was because of his lack of communication, he wouldn't talk to me, wasn't interested in me or the twins so I divorced him (for other horrible reasons too). But what I cannot understand is why he shows no interest in the twins other then when he has them to stay - which is also dictated by him I could never ask him to have them for a particular weekend as I know damn well that he would reply ' I have other commitments':mad: .

What kind of man can not ring his kids during the time he doesn't see them or wouldn't want to have them to stay for a week or two or want to take them on holiday somewhere? He has never asked to see their school reports either and doesn't seem to want to know about their secondary schools - now I know that some of this is because I don't tell him but surely if he was interested he would ask - wouldn't he??

mumoftwins

ampersand wrote: »

Just found message J - my love to her, for her.
Yes, tomorrow please - feel same as you tonight, mine own self-inflicted after stupidity of this evening re:WW.

Oh A, you made me laugh when I read that you had been to WW tonight :rotfl: I did wonder where your news was on LW19 as I knew that you weighed in the night before me :rotfl:

chevalier

mumoftwins wrote: »

Thanks Pania, I don't what it is with that man but when I text him or email him about arrangements for the twins or suchlike he never replies and it really p*sses me off
maybe the message isn't 'real' if he doesn't talk to you. Also it is a control thing, he must know how upset you were over his leanings shall we say, and so he makes you speak to him. Ie it is a power trip.

What kind of man can not ring his kids during the time he doesn't see them or wouldn't want to have them to stay for a week or two or want to take them on holiday somewhere? He has never asked to see their school reports either and doesn't seem to want to know about their secondary schools - now I know that some of this is because I don't tell him but surely if he was interested he would ask - wouldn't he??

someone who is going to end up a very lonely man. re 'he would ask wouldn't he?' well er no actually he probably wouldn't. I mean if he did that then you might want him to help out more, so best not get too interested. And anyway he would have to break out of his shell if he actually saw them more often....
chev

ps well done on the move date, but it isn't an April fool is it?:eek:

italian-tony

Haven't posted for a while but I just wanted to let you all know I'm still here and keeping up. Great to see Pania back; she was very much missed. Isn't it great that at last that light at the end of the tunnel is in view? I am so proud of MOT; despite everything that is going on and all her worries about moving, steroid injections, unhelpful XH, horrendous journeys to & from school (not made easier by diversions due to road works) increasing fuel costs etc, she has still managed to stay focused and has lost weight every week. This weight loss is not due to worry, stress or starvation either! She is eating sensibly and gradually taking a modicum of excercise (hip and back permitting). Plus, she is still finding time to help other MSE-ers on other threads. Is she Superwoman? Oh Yes. :T I've seen her on days when she is falling apart and how she manages to be supportive to others (in particular a friend in HH who is going through hell lately) simply amazes me. MOT - you're the best. :smileyhea

mumoftwins

chevalier wrote: »

....
chev

ps well done on the move date, but it isn't an April fool is it?:eek:

Better not be :mad: !!!!

Morning all,

Thanks I-T for a lovely post, you make me sound a bit like Mother Theresa all I want to do is be me but thank you for the appreciation :kisses3: .

Can't get my friend J out of my head - she hasn't been coping well since her Mum died last July. Her Mum was her best friend and confidante. Anyway I have been trying to help her through this loss plus some other issues from her previous marriage, and last night I had a phone call from a woman she goes to Church with to say that her GP and the Mental Health Team were there and she was being admitted to hospital - from the sounds of it her mind has completely broken down. Now, I am worried about her and her daughters and what will happen to them all - but also a part of me is also frightened of it happening to me (sorry that may seem selfish but I can't help it - in some ways our lives were quite similar being Mums alone with children the same age, abusive marriages)

ampersand

mumoftwins wrote: »

Better not be :mad: !!!!

Morning all,

Thanks I-T for a lovely post, you make me sound a bit like Mother Theresa all I want to do is be me but thank you for the appreciation :kisses3: .

Can't get my friend J out of my head - she hasn't been coping well since her Mum died last July. Her Mum was her best friend and confidante. Anyway I have been trying to help her through this loss plus some other issues from her previous marriage, and last night I had a phone call from a woman she goes to Church with to say that her GP and the Mental Health Team were there and she was being admitted to hospital - from the sounds of it her mind has completely broken down. Now, I am worried about her and her daughters and what will happen to them all - but also a part of me is also frightened of it happening to me (sorry that may seem selfish but I can't help it - in some ways our lives were quite similar being Mums alone with children the same age, abusive marriages)

###############
Sorry mot, this is a bit of a 'talking to' .......
Dear mot, similarities and parallels between your situations do not make you a clone of your dear and needful friend.
Dare I take you gently by the shoulders(I'll have to be on tippy toes, won't I?)and tell you straight that on the basis of [a] Mums alone children nearing puberty [c] abusive marriages, you are not in an exclusive Club, you are not thus 'condemned' to follow her, you are not on the way down and out, but on the way UP and BACK.
The best support you can be for her is Template, show the recovery that is possible AND HAPPENING RIGHT NOW with your own onward Life as model.

She is one of your dearest friends. In the dark place where she is temporarily a stranger to herself, hurting and broken at source for reasons that are fortunately not known to you(you still have maman and step-maman) - I've underlined and highlighted your own words above - professional medical help will start the healing process.
Also, grant her that unique quality of life and character which makes HER the friend and unlike-any-other human being she still is - you are not joined at the hip - while treasuring those recognised traits and experiences which delight and comfort us in so many with whom we cross paths.

Now, this sounds harsh, but you are so much a loving and empathetic soul, that you may too easily transpose your friend's wounds for your own.
The friend she needs must be recognisably Julia, not a mirrored distortion of herself.

:A Mot and twins - Start of Our New Life! :A

It's your own title, mot.
Written with much love - and we'll speak shortly, after school run?
I have a list of bullet points ready:D .

mumoftwins

Thank you A, gave myself a talking to in the car on way back (having phoned you - no reply, talk this pm?) and realise that I am ME and that this will not happen to me as I am my own person - you are right though in that I do 'take on' other people's problems which is something I have to distance myself from yet still be there as a friend and a better role model for her when she comes home.

So brace yourselves this is MOT and twins - the start of our new life :rotfl: :rotfl:

Anyway, today I have an appointment with SW from HA which will be an uplifting experience and I must do some ironing - the basket must become empty again

smashedbooboo

Morning chick, You have just mentioned the ironing. Do you know i am so looking forward to getting my iron out of the box when i unpack and ironing all the clothes that have been in suitcases for months on end. How silly it is to think of something so trivial at the minute to want to do. But its those little things i am looking forward to getting back to. And washing my own kitchen floor. And very pleased you have given yourself a good talking to as well. You are an individual. You are you. And if you give your friend only half the help you given to the peeps on here then she is a very lucky lady to have a friend like you. Ampersand said it all. But as usual she puts it so eloquently. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx