How to stop inlaws buying presents on my behalf?

Meanymoo

Hi everyone, thank you so much for all your replies. Just to clarify, I only signed gift tags that one time, since then MIL has signed for us. If she'd ever asked me to sign a card again I would have politely refused and explained why, but she never has, possibly because she realised that first time that I wasn't happy with the arrangement.

Well, the party yesterday was actually fine. None of the relatives mentioned Christmas presents, and the fact that we had so many 'so I haven't seen you for years, what are you up to these days' sorts of conversations convinced me that they must all know that the presents come from my mother-in-law. So in the end, there was no awkwardness which is a huge relief.

I didn't broach the subject with MIL, partly because she was really stressy all day anyway so it would have been unfair on everyone to wind her up further, but mainly because I'm actually certain now that it's not my job to talk to her about it, it's my husband's.

hogshead - we don't have any children, yet. That thought has crossed my mind too!
squidege60- you said the following: 'i see it you have been with your dh for 5 yrs if you dont assert yourself now what are you going to do for the next x no of years when maybe another issue comes up.i like to think i get on fine with my mil but i would have to say something if i had an issue.'
I can see why you're saying this, but it's quite an awkward situation. I think it really has to be DH who speaks to her about it. If I try, it will sound like a criticism of her (which it is). I'm not close to my MIL, although we get along fine face to face. It's very difficult to have a critical conversation with someone who falls into the category of people you have to be polite to no matter what! I am determined to address this issue, but with my husband. Letting her buy presents on our behalf, and going back to his parents' town for the doctor and dentist, are all things I have mentioned to DH, but I can't force him to see my point of view. I just have to work on making it the easiest option NOT to let MIL organise these aspects of his life.:D I think he'll come round eventually.

Spendless

Hi meanymoo- good luck getting your dh to tell her. I read my husband your opening post and he didn't get why it woud irritate you (just like I knew he wouldn't). I then had a mischievous thought and if it was me and I couldn't get thru to my hubby why I didn't feel comfortable. I'd hand him a stack of gift tags to take to his mums to sign saying you'd decided to pay all your friends pressies on behalf of your mil and could she just sign. and see what happened.

Zazen999

Alternatively, as the relations obviously already know about this - why not tell MIL that you got on so well this year that you want to send them a little something this year yourselves; and just don't do it...or just do it this year without telling her and then when they receive one from you with a personalised message and one from her without - she should just let it go???

You could just do that for one of them, just to make the point.

sukysue

OP I know this is getting to you darl but can't you just let her get on with it? Ask her for a pile of parcel tags and sign loads of em and give em to her for the future . That may just make her realise what she's doing is daft, but I wunt hold your breath love.My mil is still nagging my kids to wear hats (too small and extremely itchy!) that my well off but very mean bil and partner (and then some) bought for xmas. I even fell out with her over it but have realised it's all futile and no point to it . I just feel guilty and hubbs and dds cop it!

System

I had something like this happen three christmasses ago. Christmas morning i got a rather irate phone call from his sister. Hubby had gone out with our son on his new christmas bike so i got an earbashing.

She was annoyed that we never send presents to her children, apparently she had been buying them a tin of biscuits for years wrapping them up and saying they were from us.

The fact is we stopped buying for her kids when they left home. We never saw them, we didnt have any contact and even though we sent them christmas cards they couldnt be bothered to send us one back so the gifts went by the board. After all her eldest was in her 30s with kids of her own and her youngest in his 20s. My husband did ring her back and explained that he just didnt think it was necessary now the kids had grown up and he certainly didnt think it was necessary to buy our kids (also in their 20s) anything either. Actually my kids thought it was unneccesary too if not a tad embaressing.

So the expense ensued. £38 we spent on them last year (yes i resented every last penny cause we couldnt afford it) and this year she has started buying for our grandkids.

Sad fact is, when our kids were little she never bought them anything because money was tight for them but i never moaned or complained, i just accepted the fact that they couldnt afford it but now they have a bit of money in their pockets they think they can do and say what they like.

Hubby wont stand up to her because she is his only family.