How to stop inlaws buying presents on my behalf?

hogshead

Do you have any children? Reason I ask is things will only get worse once grandchildren come along ( if they don't already exist )

Re the 70 mile trip to the Drs. I think you have to have a Dr within your disrict so that might be a get out clause.

I really would take the opportunity to say tomorrow that both you & OH are not comfortable giving gifts to people you don't consider in your circle of gift recievers.
Take her aside tomorrow & say that you will not be signing gift cards in future as it's defeats the whole gift giving concept of the way it's all arranged.
Get it said as soon as you can before the false smiles & thankyou's kick in. I'd say it as soon as you arrived. If all the family are going she is very unlikely to start a scene & may bring it up at a later date but she'll have a fair idea of what'll be said & if she ignores you simply don't write another giftcard.

LuciferTDark

If this MIL is anything like mine then a big gathering will be the most likely place for her to throw a fit about it, my MIL starts a scene wherever she is at the drop of a hat for the stupidest reasons.

The_Good_Fairy

God bless my lovely MIL!

I'm so cross about this on your behalf lol I can't believe it!

I buy presents from my children and get them to sign the tags, but they are 3 and 11, and the 11 yr old now has input into the gift. I certainly won't be doing it when they have left home and got married!

Its difficult to know how to approach it but if it stresses you out this much you do need to sort it out. Your DH needs to be a bit braver and tell her she is out of line. Who is he more scared of you or her?

If you don't get gifts back from them its just ridiculous, they must be really uncomfortable receiving gifts from people they don't even know very well! Unless they send gifts back through your MIL and she just keeps them.

I have trouble with a SIL who is completely controlling, I've been told we HAVE to go to in-laws in May for their wedding anniversary, well thats ok for her to say, she doesn't have 2 kids and 3 pets that need looking after. I'd rather be asked than told, you know?

I don't know what to advise for tomorrow, I'd be tempted to say it isn't me sending them it's MIL. But you'll have to be very brave! and just refuse to continue with this charade.

Good luck, let us know how you get on!

annie_d

For the first year i was with my husband my MIL did that very thing too!! I was taken by surprise like you and signed where she told me too.....she did the Christmas cards too.
The second year i was ready and just said i had bought gifts and cards for people i was sending too. This was true but she took it too mean that i had bought for the people SHE thought i should buy for whereas i meant just the words i had said! That was 8 years ago and the whole thing has never been mentioned since!
No more pretend gifts and cards from us.

281273

My family suffer from this syndrome. My nan sends cards out to all the distant relations with my parents and mine, my OH and my kids names on. Which then means i get loads of cards of people that i dont know. The funny thing is that no-one has anything to do with my nan, including my mum and myself because of her nasty tongue. Its all just a front to make us look like a happy family. Perhaps thats why your MIL does it too.

Also i have a over-bearing MIL. Every year she misses my birthday, then when she finds out, she tells me its not my birthday till January (Its in December). One year she went back home and got a christamas card and crossed out christmas and wrote birthday!!! Last birthday she didnt even bother with that. I took her last child away from home (He was 31 at the time) and in her eyes im the evil one. Ive even overheard her on the phone at the end of a call when she thinks ive put the phone down saying that "Her answered it"

So you could have a worse MIL but i think your DH needs to say something, I got mine to eventually.

candygirl

:mad: My mum buys fantastic pressies for my great aunts etc, pretending they're from my selfish bro and his gf, who never spend money on anyone but themselves.When it was my 40th birthday recently I also got a pressy off them, which was obviously off my mum. as even they looked surprised when I opened it:rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:
She always goes way over the top and spends loads, so it makes my normal pressy look rubbish in comparison.This gets me really mad as I am spending my hard earned money and time on choosing pressies which will always be outdone.
It's as though she has to cover up for what a selfish git my bvro really is, but imo it's purely wrong.My Dad agrees with me btw:mad:
OP if I was you I would refuse to sign the cards;)

Primrose

I think I'd be pretty annoyed too at somebody taking over my life and my decisions like this. The only way you're going to stop it is to be assertive with your M-i-L and tell her that you've always felt uncomfortable about her practice and now you would like her to stop it, because you don't receive presents back from these people and you feel it's putting them in an embarrasing position, year after year, receiving presents when they don't return them. If she does it again this next Christmas, just refuse to sign the gift tags.

squidge60

whos to say she thinks shes doing a good thing i would be very nice and ask her to stop (for whatever reason you feel is right for you).i see it you have been with your dh for 5 yrs if you dont assert yourself now what are you going to do for the next x no of years when maybe another issue comes up.i like to think i get on fine with my mil but i would have to say something if i had an issue.good luck.

tpsjrm

I can only comiserate with you. But it's pretty obvious that your MIL has sent presents from your DH since he was a little boy, and probably feels that it can't be stopped now, otherwise it will be seen as a 'slight' to these friends of hers. She's shopped herself into a corner!!

Why not have a quiet word with each of these friends, say that you'd like to end the present-buying as you want to concentrate on 'the children' in future. (I'm sure there must be some children in your immediate family that you can use as an excuse!). That way, you aren't exactly saying that you haven't been buying them in the past, but it will make it clear that they won't be getting any more presents from you in future.

Once you've done that, telling MIL that she can save her money in future should be a doddle!! :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

As a sop to MIL, you could always send these 'friends' a Christmas card each year.

And buy some new scissors to cut those apron strings!!!!

FiFi_Mad_Mum

I love my husband to bits, but I hate the fact that he still goes 'home' to see the doctor or dentist (and yes, MIL makes the appointments for him). I've tried to get him to see a local doctor, but he won't. I see it as one more thing the MIL can control, and he just sees it as 'easier' to drive 70 miles to see 'his own' doctor. :rolleyes:
What is going to happen to your husband if something happens to him and he needs a house call by his doctor, his doctor isn't going to drive 70 miles! Guys just don't get the doctor thing and you have to make him see the need to change to a local practice.
Sorry it's of the subject but you already have lots of advice and this concerned me.
FiFi