Help - we feel like we've done everything we can, and we're still piling on the debt!

BlushingRose

try using this site to help you note down EVERYthing you spend. It really helps you identify where you are spending. http://www.spendingdiary.com/

We'll have a look at that later, thank you

Can i ask - why is your OH paying more than half for his childs school fees *sorry this is rather personal* just wondering why its not a 50/50 split in costs? could this be renegotiated?

he's not paying more. But it's not clear, sorry.
His ex mrs is paying £500 into his account and then the school fees come out, so we're actually paying £400 ish each

£400 pcm for food is rather a lot - i would try and plan out your meals, then only buy what you actually need.

Yeah, we already do this, but we're planning to overhaul this after reading that you all think it's too much *lol*

This is a great way to save money - check out the old style section for more inspiration - perhaps try the grocery or store cupboard challenge.

what's a portrait loan?

This is a loan that my OH took out (before I lived with him) for some photographic pictures of him and his son

Finally - don't panic. Its great that you have posted on here and i'm sure that everyone will find you some more savings elsewhere. Good luck with your employment agency

affordmylife

Just wanted to say Hi and welcome.

Once you get some work the situation wont look so bleak.

I definitely agree that the food bill can be trimmed. More like halved in my opinion.

We are a family of 5. Two adults, two teenagers and an 8 year old. Plus a dog. And we spend between £150 and £200 per month. And I can assure you we have a healthy and interesting diet. It can be done with careful planning.

I wish you luck with this challenge. You will have lots of support here.

mummytofour

BlushingRose wrote: »

What we tried to do re: groceries, it estimate what we spend a month.
maybe what we can do this week is write everything down and see what we've bought in the week.
I don;t think £100 a week is too much for groceries when we've got a 16yo boy and a cat?

7 of us a dog and cat and our bill is £65, the less you have the less you can spend and alas thats all I have so thats all I can spend.

Can you claim JSA? You maybe able to claim contribution based, Im not sure.
Is there any chance that the X can pay more for school fees? Or ask the school for hardship support?
Is there any chance u can do temp work?
Lack of money really does sucka dn I totally under stand how you are feeling, by tackeling the problem you are half way there to solving it!

getting-sorted-sarah

Best of luck Rose! While you're not working, get on the Up Your Income Thread - theres a lot and it can be confusing but make a note of everything you come across that sounds interesting and work through them a bit at a time.

bunnygirl007

Hi

Is the £823 for school fees including ex wifes contribution or is the total to be found between you each month £1323?

I would ask again about a bursary saying you will have to withdraw your son if they cannot come up with some help. When my son was at prep school I ended up working there at weekends to help pay for his fees and after a while I started to hear many of the children were on various reduced fees (which annoyed me somewhat as their parents were obviously far better off than me), some with bursaries of up to almost 100%!!! When he moved to his next school he just missed getting a scholarship but I managed to negotiate another award that was means tested. I would say looking at your OH's salary he should qualify (mine is only a couple of hundred less) if the school has this sort of scheme, however I did notice that both parents income was taken into account on my forms and therefore I would think your ex's contribution will be too. Its still worth a try though - most schools do not want to lose pupils especially at this stage in his education and they're usually keen to keep as many as possible for 6th form.

I've now moved my son to the local comp 6th form - I just couldn't stand the stress of the fees anymore and I should have done it ages ago when he left the prep school but I was overprotective and afraid that being quiet and having come from a private school he would get bullied. He has settled in really well and says he way prefers it to his previous school! So if you're similar to me and keeping him there for simlar reasons, don't. They get on just as well at the local school.

Also at the end of the day if the school isn't willing to help you after paying fees for all these years is it really worth keeping him there?

Goodluck.

bunnygirl007

Hi

Is the £823 for school fees including ex wifes contribution or is the total to be found between you each month £1323?

I would ask again about a bursary saying you will have to withdraw your son if they cannot come up with some help. When my son was at prep school I ended up working there at weekends to help pay for his fees and after a while I started to hear many of the children were on various reduced fees (which annoyed me somewhat as their parents were obviously far better off than me), some with bursaries of up to almost 100%!!! When he moved to his next school he just missed getting a scholarship but I managed to negotiate another award that was means tested. I would say looking at your OH's salary he should qualify (mine is only a couple of hundred less) if the school has this sort of scheme, however I did notice that both parents income was taken into account on my forms and therefore I would think your ex's contribution will be too. Its still worth a try though - most schools do not want to lose pupils especially at this stage in his education and they're usually keen to keep as many as possible for 6th form.

I've now moved my son to the local comp 6th form - I just couldn't stand the stress of the fees anymore and I should have done it ages ago when he left the prep school but I was overprotective and afraid that being quiet and having come from a private school he would get bullied. He has settled in really well and says he way prefers it to his previous school! So if you're similar to me and keeping him there for simlar reasons, don't. They get on just as well at the local school.

Also at the end of the day if the school isn't willing to help you after paying fees for all these years is it really worth keeping him there?

Goodluck.

bunnygirl007

Ooops sorry for the double post, internet connection playing up

taxi73

Hi there,
Totally agree your food budget is too high..there are 2 of us in this house plus a dog on a special diet and we only eat all organic food and my bill is £200 or less p/m
I would seriously consider taking your son out of private school as clearly you cannot afford the fees unless they give you significant help...and at this moment I would put uni to the back of my mind also..
are you tied into your mortgage or can you get a better deal saving a few pounds a month everything adds up everything else as also been said that was going to be said.
Please don't worry yourself too much as there are answers...just school fees alone nearly wipe out the shortfall

saffronflowers

Hi there and welcome - posting your SOA is a nightmare it is like baring ones's soul!!!

I will echo what others say re the food, we spend £240 for 2 adults one teenager one tweenager and three collie dogs a cat and Bob ( the poor maligned goldish)!!!

Re the school fees, I take it that your step son is about to do his GCSEs, it really would not be an ideal time to pull him out now. It really might be an idea to do so for his A levels, his has been given the grounding on how to learn and study through his private education and has the structure behind him to adabt to the state education.

Take care and though sometimes what is advised is not hwat you wish to hear it is often good advice and heartfelt.

Sfx

BlushingRose

Just a quick post for now as I need to sit down and answer you all properly really!

First of all, I'd like to say sorry if I've been defensive, or indeed sound so in future posts. All of this is hard for me to post, as I didn't discover all of this until Nov-ish 2007 and so I'm still getting my head round it all.

Tking The Boy out of school now isn't an option. he's in the school's 6th form, in his first year. We have investigated taking him out but other colleges won;t take him as it's too late in the year. The fees for his school are including himself's ex's £500

The groceries thing is something we'll really have to take a look at, clearly.
We'd like to carry on getting local stuff if poss, but Lidle and Aldi sound like a good idea and again it's something that's been discussed but not acted on as yet.

The portrait photographs are in our home, yes, and also in other people's houses, so returning these is not an option.

re: temp work. I am on the books now for two agencies, but as yet, no joy although the last few posts I have had have been temping.

(I have a feeling that himself os looking at the food cupboards and freezer as I type!)