Why are people so rude?

HugoSP

dunstonh wrote: »

I am not a mortgage adviser. Not that there is anything wrong with being one - I know what you are inferring though and you are correct.

Sorry, it says IFA in your signature. That's me not reading what is in front of me - again.

I think I mixed you up with another regular who is a MA.

The OP has only been here one day and has made one thread (not including this) and got accurate response with no rudeness. You cannot make accusations against those on this forum based on 1 day of posting.

Well to be fair a rude post does stand out.

The other day I contributed to a thread regarding getting a BTL mortgage on income support. The OP got a flaming and I understand that there is some backround to that, so it may be understandable, but having just stumbled upon that thread I was surprised.

I think the OP was commenting on posts that he had seen, not those that he had received in reply to his question.

Though it does remind us that whilst we may aim a particular post at one poster, it can actually be read by anyone here and has the potential to cause offence to a wider audience.

Jonbvn

The key for me is never to take anything written on any forum personally. Life is just too short

thewelshman_2

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=674045

dmg24

No i dont agree full stop

thewelshman wrote: »

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=674045

Is that not somebody else, or is the OP an AE?! x

KiKi

What I've noticed is that sometimes people make huge assumptions about those who are posting questions. A question can be asked in all innocence - but the replies can be quite antagonistic.

For example:
OP: Why have I been charged £120 by my bank for doing xyz??
1: If you didn't want to be charged that money you shouldn't have been so careless.
2: Yes, if you don't like it then change banks.

That sort of conversation seems to go on quite a bit. Sometimes respondents jump to conclusions that the OPs are complaining, when actually they're asking a genuine question, not complaining about it.

It's always a problem with message boards in that tone is so hard to interpret.

I take the point about regular posters seeing the same thing over and over again - it must be very frustrating! Equally, from a new poster's point of view, they cannot help that other people have asked before, and so post an innocent question and might get some irritated replies - rendering them rather confused as to what they've done!

I do notice it on this board, the current account and savings boards more than anywhere else...perhaps because people who post in those forums more regularly are more financially experienced and well-versed in how mortgages, accounts and investments work? JMO.

Generally, though, this is a pretty friendly place; if someone is antagonistic, a friendly response back usually works.

KiKi

LuciferTDark

Ok I've read that thread twice now & I can't see anything overtly rude in it, anyone care to explain which reply is meant to be the rude one?

dunstonh

No i dont agree full stop

Lucidity wrote: »

Ok I've read that thread twice now & I can't see anything overtly rude in it, anyone care to explain which reply is meant to be the rude one?

I think it is more a case of the OP trying it on and actually no-one being rude when really they could have a good case. Or perhaps an example of someone posting, getting a lot of responses, which they probably dont like, and have !!!!!!ed off.

they cannot help that other people have asked before

Someone posted about GEBs on the investment forum earlier today and there was no rude responses. Probably as its been a few weeks since the last similar question.

Would you have that same view if the question asked is the 3rd of 4th time that day that someone has posted it? As is often the case MEAFS or arrangement fees.

Maybe the forum moderators should take a look at the sticky threads and remove the ones which are no longer relevant and replace them with a more current FAQ.

HugoSP

I used to help moderate another forum and I have to say that compared to this forum we were very strict on stamping out rudeness.

It is not as easy as it seems, which is why I have some fairly detailed views on internet rudeness.

I have to say KiKi's views do ring true in this respect.

The nice thing is that people could come to that forum and they would stay and see if they got comfortable. Most did and some went from newbies into really trusted contributors in the time I was moderating.

We had our usual regular injection of trolls but because people who mattered were prepared to put some effort into being polite (because we enforced it), the trolls usually gave themselves away very quickly. It would take hours for a dodgy account to get suspended, even if we didn't get any complaints about them.

We had one instance where a load of people came over from another forum to have a go at one of the moderators. As it turned out about half of them actually stayed and quitened down and bacame really well liked members. The others just got lost the will to live and moved on.

KiKi

dunstonh wrote: »

Someone posted about GEBs on the investment forum earlier today and there was no rude responses. Probably as its been a few weeks since the last similar question.

Would you have that same view if the question asked is the 3rd of 4th time that day that someone has posted it? As is often the case MEAFS or arrangement fees.

Maybe the forum moderators should take a look at the sticky threads and remove the ones which are no longer relevant and replace them with a more current FAQ.

Hi there dunstonh

I'm not at all suggesting that replies are always rude to multiple questions; far from it. Most commonly replies are very helpful, courteous, and given by people who are very knowledgeable about the subject.

I understand how irritating it must be to be asked a question 3/4 times about a MEAF! The problem for new posters is that they won't necessarily be aware of that, especially if they have a question which is urgent for them. So they post and might be subject to a number of irritated replies which can leave them utterly confused as to what they did wrong!

Your suggestion of an FAQ at the top of some of the boards I think is a very good one. If the instructions are that *that* sticky must be read before posting then it might alleviate some of those problems.

I generally don't think rudeness pervades these boards at all. But I have seen some instances of people making assumptions about questions which are asked in all innocence - or correcting grammar and completely ignoring the actual question which can have the effect of making some posters feel unwelcome and stupid. But we all have to start our learning somewhere!

I've learnt a lot on these boards thanks to many knowledgeable posters; I hope to learn lots more!


KiKi

Wig

dmg24 wrote: »

Is that not somebody else, or is the OP an AE?! x

see post #17