We are being evicted, some advice please...... the date has arrived......

chevalier

I think your family has seen you as an easy touch. A lot of the stuff that you have done for the house, SHOULD have been done by your LL, but your mum has blackmailed you in to doing it instead because you are family.

I find your mum's attitude to your impending homelessness extremely callous and even my dad (who doesn't have much appreciation for someone's feelings), would not do this. I would agree with the other poster who suggested a clean start away from your family.

It seems to me that your village is NOT helping you. You can't do things with your other child because you have to travel to do it, which makes whoever is minding DS have a longer time.

You are not receiving professional help from the HV which you would if you were in a bigger town/dr's practice.

There is not housing that is suitable for you where you are living without either lying to any potential LL or letting agency, or without bankrupting yourself.

So considering all of the negatives, would it REALLY be any worse if you were in a medium sized town, with better support/ groups to help you and DS have a life? As well as getting away from your quite frankly toxic family?

Sometimes we feel so stuck that we try to stick where we are EVEN WHEN it is NOT good for us.

Just a different point of view. I felt that you were going around in circles with your post, and could see no way out. But between the stress of an difficult mother, threatened homelessnes, your lovely children, low wages, and isolation, you can't see a way through.

chev

beanielou

There is a charity called homestart which gives support to families of children under 5 Its a start ,if you google it you will get more info.
Get on to your HV first thing tomorrow & DEMAND more help.They are not doing their job properly.
Speak to social work, your daughter should be getting respite but you will have to push for it.
I may have no money but this thread has made me realise(even more) that I have a great family even though its only wee.
Wishing you well.

silvercar

I just want to say that chevalier's post makes a lot of sense.

I commented on earlier threads about distancing yourself from your Mum's attempts to evict you and I'm glad that you have now left her to deal with all that. Your priority is now you and your immediate family, once you are in a stable home again you can consider your relationship with your family, in the mean time I would concentrate on yourselves.

gilligansyle

chevalier wrote: »

I think your family has seen you as an easy touch. A lot of the stuff that you have done for the house, SHOULD have been done by your LL, but your mum has blackmailed you in to doing it instead because you are family.

I find your mum's attitude to your impending homelessness extremely callous and even my dad (who doesn't have much appreciation for someone's feelings), would not do this. I would agree with the other poster who suggested a clean start away from your family.

It seems to me that your village is NOT helping you. You can't do things with your other child because you have to travel to do it, which makes whoever is minding DS have a longer time.

You are not receiving professional help from the HV which you would if you were in a bigger town/dr's practice.

There is not housing that is suitable for you where you are living without either lying to any potential LL or letting agency, or without bankrupting yourself.

So considering all of the negatives, would it REALLY be any worse if you were in a medium sized town, with better support/ groups to help you and DS have a life? As well as getting away from your quite frankly toxic family?

Sometimes we feel so stuck that we try to stick where we are EVEN WHEN it is NOT good for us.

Just a different point of view. I felt that you were going around in circles with your post, and could see no way out. But between the stress of an difficult mother, threatened homelessnes, your lovely children, low wages, and isolation, you can't see a way through.

chev

Have been watching this thread for a few days, as originally it was unclear what was the problem. Agree fully with what chev and silvercar have said. It is appalling the way families treat each other, but you need to focus now on how you deal with your son and finding a home. Ignore the family, in particular your mother, there are things going on there that are not clear and not worth worrying about now.

My geography is appalling, but is there some medium sized town not too far away, that would be better for you. You may get more support for your son, schools are more likely to have after school clubs etc. Your own LA have a legal obligation to house you if you are homeless and in priority need, but you may find that other nearby LA's have more accomodation available, and although you could not register as homeless with them, it may be an option for when you have had your one offer from your own LA.

I am not sure how all this works, but could you pay to have your son diagnosed. A friend of mine did this for her son who has dispraxia. Once he was diagnosed the LEA then reimbursed her.

beautifulgorgeous_2

you need to get help for your son`s needs before your dd is damaged and you are really ill with the 24/7 demands made on you and your dh decides that work is preferable to home life. I know that housing is your main priority but your son `s problems need addressing asap. Make yourself a nuisance with your hv and your gp and see if school have any suggestions as to fast tracking accessment and long term help for your ds

little_missy_4

hi blue_monkey sorry to hear about your problems we were made homeless 3 yrs ago ans still are we were put in a hostel with our 4 kids [it was a flat 2 bedrooms] hubby and i slept in sitting room its got to be better than nothing keep on at your homeless department at council and keep on to shelter [they do help and they get things going they helped us were now in a 3 bed house still tempery ,get ur gp to write letters and school and go to ss they will help you you might be able to get dla try it we did and we got u should aslo get carers allowance good luck

Loretta

I was going to suggest something like homestart but I don't know too much about things like that I am out of date with it all now but I know that there is this sort of thing available.

Don't worry about other people you are having the very hardest time and need any help that is available. I don't think that your HV is being very helpful is there another one locally that you could make an appointment with. Go to social services and you GP, keep on at everyone and eventually you will find the help you need, it only takes one good person and the rest falls into place.

As someone said I would concentrate on your little family, your children and your husband and of course yourself. If your family don't want to help don't let them hinder. If you could get rid of them it would be a great help just avoid them they sound like a selfish lot. Don't do them any favours or errands I am sure that particularly at the moment they have more time and energy than you.

At the moment it is all one big problem and you don't know where to start. Your children are very young and whatever your son's problems are they will adapt to living anywhere as long as they have their Mum and Dad with them and moving from a small village and away from your family even quite a short distance may be really good for a new start

Keep posting we are all trying to think of things to help and I am sure we all want to know what is happening and how you are getting on. Good luck
It sounds like your poor husband doesn't get a look in

blue_monkey_2

Hi all,

Sorry, I'll try and answer as much in here as I can. No one minds my son other than my husband but this has to be done around his work pattern so it is quite rare that we get to do anything as he is not that keen on staying with hubby realy, this is why we don't go anywhere, my son won't stay with anyone (It has taken 18 months to get him to stay in his nursery class for the morning without me and it took the Teaching Assistant for him to do this!). I want to stay around here (say 10 miles radius) as this is where my support nectwork is, that is people who I have known since Ryan was very young or before he was born as they know how he is, how he acts, what to expect for him and what to look out for. I have not made any new friends for a long time, purely because Ryan is so heavey handed with other children and people don;t like their kids being hit/poked/slapped by him (on Sat we went to Toys R Us and started playing with this little boy of the same age and then started slapping him on the head - this is what he does when he is too friendly but I heard the dad comment 'that boy has just hit him on the head', it is like this a lot and people distance themselves from us), he is not very social either so if we go somewhere we usually have to apologise for him being 'naughty' and then leave. So for this reason I want to stay around and abouts this area else I won't have anyone so I don't want to move further away. There are things to do, lots of them, but to do them you need money. Living in town does not make this easier, in fact there is so much to do in the village it would be easy to get 2-3 things to do per evening but when they all cost £4-£5 a session it is expensive when you are on a budget. My son is still too young for after school clubs, as is my daughter as she is only still in reception and they do not start ASC until year 2 upwards. I do understand where you are coming from Chev but moving away from the poeple who have accepted us as we are will only make it harder, I have asked about groups but you get given these at paeds when they have some idea of what support you need - we are still waiting for the appointment. That will come soon. The family don't live around here (just my mum and my younger sister) they all live further away, thank god and that certainly helps tbh, but I do understand where you are coming from. As Silvercar said, she knows the history from previous posts, but I fel obliged to help them and all I get in return it a kick in the face. Closing ties will be very easy! The friends I have that do help me and accept us are still around here. BUT, I have got the bigger town (there is just one) on the list for places I would accept so it is down to where they find me and I would certainly not turn anywhere down because of where it is. There is more demand for the bigger towns and the villages tend to get turned down due to not many buses and the like so there is more chance of getting one in a village which does not bother us tbh. Also there is a lot of trouble and druggies in the big towns, where we are in the villages it is relative trouble free and the worst thing that has happened in the last year is someone having their car broken into about 6 months ago. LOL. Yes, I really have lived a sheltered life I guess but this is why it is so pricey round here as well. But it is not the family I am staying around here for, they are all gone or going, it is more that I have my support here and I need these, we all do, I guess. Hubby has to work in this area too so moving to the next big town takes him further away from work (another half an hour onto his travelling) so there is this as well.

I have to be honest, I can see a way through, I am stressed but only with the stuff I have on my plate right now and that is just temporary, the stress is not being able to find anywhere to go, however I know we will have to get somewhere albeit a hostel so this is not so much of a bother to me (believe it or not) I have been through much worse in my life and it is just that, temporary, I am scared at actually going and doing it yes of course, it is a whole new phase of my life for that of me, my husband and my children, but we will come through it stronger as a family and I focus on this more than anything.

My son has been like this for 4 years now so another 3 months while we get sorted really does not make a difference but once we find out where we are going to be based (the location will make a difference on who we go to so I'd rather wait then have to change S. workers in the space of a few months or the like) but I am going to deal with it and get something sorted. 3 months is not going to make a difference to anyone today so I am taking each day as it comes but I have realised through a few PM's that struggling on and with life as it is I am only making life hard for us and that includes my kids, not just me, so I am dealing with this. Again, it depends on where we end up as we cannot plan anything, pay for clubs we might end up 40 minutes drive from etc.... so once we get our place sorted we should find out more. It is weird, kind of like being in Limbo, but we should be sorted either way by Easter. Maybe the Housing Office will offer the deposit bond but I am not sure with my son being destructive as they would then lose it is something happened. I am having this week 'off' from my housing problems and will deal with it all next week as nothing is going to happen tomorrow, it can wait for a bit. I am winding the business down, i have get some leaflets drawn up as I have to try and find homes for the cats (albeit temporry or permanent, I don't think I'll be able to take 5 but I have 2 that will be happy to be on their own so that is a start) I have to get them advertised all over as well.

I think more for me, and I know some of you will find it hard to understand, is that asking for help is showing I can't cope and I don't like to admit that to people. Until the school picked it up I was not aware of any problems and I was certainly not going to admit this to people!! I just got on with what the days brings, I had tried time and time again to discipline him but nothing at all worked so I was just resigned to accepting he was out of control (again, another thing to admit). If we move we will have to have a different GP and HV so everything seems to be goung round in circles at the moment, but, nothing is going to happen in the space of a week so, for this week, I am going to just get on with the stuff I have to do and (try to) forget about it (until local papers come out on Thurs anyway).

As for hubby not getting a look in - well, he has until recently been a bit of a lazy git in that everything to do with the kids has been left to me and this is why my son is so dependant on me. However, I got him a Wii for xmas but it came with conditions so I am starting to get a bit of help with the kids at last, I just get frustrated with him because he moans about Ryan being the way he is yet offers no help or will read up on it to find out why he is. He will learn!! So he really only has himself to blame that he doesn't get a look in tbh.

I will indeed let you know how everything is going. Have remembered today that hubby is still in I&S Union so he can get free solicitors and legal assistance, he has to go see them on Friday so he is going to speak to them about taking on the Council if we need to. Something is looking up, there is no way we could afford a solicitor ourselves and we would have been fighting blind but this is great as the legal work is all done for free and as he is a member he should stil get it. Thank god for the unions..... sometimes!!

blue_monkey_2

Just to keep you updated.... I have just sent an email to my local councillor who is supposed to be the one helping with housing in the district. He is local, about a mile from me, so I have outlined what is going on and that we have not been awarded the correct points to date and is it him that we have to ask if we have problems.

I know the additional points are not due on yet but I thought he might query us with the housing office and ask why the points were not added, this might get the councils fingers out following my letter and realise I mean business. But hey ho, we shall see I guess.

I have told him he is welcome to come visit us if he wants as well.

I will let you know how it goes!

silvercar

Nothing to add but thinking of you. I think contacting the councillor was a good idea for the reasons you mention.

Over 2000 people have read this thread, so we are all following your progress.