Changing my surname - Your thoughts

RonnyJ

Hi,

Just after some peoples opinions on this.

Quick background story - I had the surname of A when i was born and when my mum and dad got divorce when i was around 4 or 5 (for domestic abuse to my mum, and me and brother) I had the surname of A untill i was around 12 or so and then changed it to the surname of B when my mum met her new husband and took his name.

To be honest i did not think anything of it back then and used it in all my older school days and had to change it via deed pole at 18 to get my adult passport.

But the last 8/9 years i have started to really not feel this surname is my own and feel embrassed by it when people ask my full name. I don't know why this is but i just do.

Now i'm getting married in 3 years or so, so my OH will take my now surname aswell as my children. But as i said above i just don't feel this surname is my own and dont feel that great about my OH taking it or my children.

I dont have any contact with my real dad and have not since i was 8/9 but he does send a birthday card and xmas card every year so does think of me (but about seeing him again that is another matter and the time is not ready for that to happen yet in my life now and in my head).

My mum is still married to my step-dad and get on great now since i moved out . I also have an older Brother (full) who has changed back his surname a few years ago back to A. I also have a younger Brother (half) who has the surname of B.

Now i also dont have any contact with my step-dads family and last timne i met them must be a good 10/12 years ago and that was just hi. So i dont feel a part of that family at all.

What i am thinking of doing is changing my surname to my mothers maiden name which is very unusual and do feel a connection to that one as i am very close my my mothers side of the family. Another thing that does concern me is that 'if' my mum and step-dad get divorced then i would have my step-dads surname and then my wife and children will when i was not born with that name and i asume then my mum will go back to her maiden name.

Sorry for such a long post, just dont know what to do and fell bad if i upset my mum and step-dad. My GF knows i thinking of this but she said i fell in love with me and my whole name.

any advice would be really appricated,

robpw2

RonnyJ wrote: »

Hi,

Just after some peoples opinions on this.

Quick background story - I had the surname of A when i was born and when my mum and dad got divorce when i was around 4 or 5 (for domestic abuse to my mum, and me and brother) I had the surname of A untill i was around 12 or so and then changed it to the surname of B when my mum met her new husband and took his name.

To be honest i did not think anything of it back then and used it in all my older school days and had to change it via deed pole at 18 to get my adult passport.

But the last 8/9 years i have started to really not feel this surname is my own and feel embrassed by it when people ask my full name. I don't know why this is but i just do.

Now i'm getting married in 3 years or so, so my OH will take my now surname aswell as my children. But as i said above i just don't feel this surname is my own and dont feel that great about my OH taking it or my children.

I dont have any contact with my real dad and have not since i was 8/9 but he does send a birthday card and xmas card every year so does think of me (but about seeing him again that is another matter and the time is not ready for that to happen yet in my life now and in my head).

My mum is still married to my step-dad and get on great now since i moved out . I also have an older Brother (full) who has changed back his surname a few years ago back to A. I also have a younger Brother (half) who has the surname of B.

Now i also dont have any contact with my step-dads family and last timne i met them must be a good 10/12 years ago and that was just hi. So i dont feel a part of that family at all.

What i am thinking of doing is changing my surname to my mothers maiden name which is very unusual and do feel a connection to that one as i am very close my my mothers side of the family. Another thing that does concern me is that 'if' my mum and step-dad get divorced then i would have my step-dads surname and then my wife and children will when i was not born with that name and i asume then my mum will go back to her maiden name.

Sorry for such a long post, just dont know what to do and fell bad if i upset my mum and step-dad. My GF knows i thinking of this but she said i fell in love with me and my whole name.

any advice would be really appricated,

you could change it by deedpoll or use a proffesional name

so mr x for work and mr d for home

lilac_lady

I think it's a good idea to change your name to your mother's maiden name if you're not happy with the one you have now. It's a family name with good vibes for you, so go ahead. I'm sure your Mum wouldn't mind (probably be pleased) and it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks.

tarajayne

Both my eldest daughters took their step-dads name at 3 and 4 but have recently gone back to their birth surnames (now 18 and 19). I'm not upset in any way neither is their step-dad as it is entirely their choice and can call themselves whatever they like. Do what you feel most comfortable with.

Codswallop

Life is too short to worry what others think. I'm sure those who love you will understand if you explain. You're not hurting anyone so do what makes you happy!

G-G_4

How about combining your mothers maiden name with your girlfriends maiden name. Then you can have your own name for your family.. Ronny Smith-Jones or something.. obviously this depends on how compatible your names are, but maybe it would give you your own identity and not just either your dad's or step-dads etc..

Hope you find the answer.. x

RonnyJ

Thanks for all the comments so far. Taking my mums maiden name and my gf maiden name is a little akward but will have a play at that so thanks for that idea.

Going to have another chat with my gf about it and then see my mum on her own and ask her what she thinks of it.

mary43

When my sons were born they had they fathers surname and after he died and I remarried and the first one started school he used me new husbands name (he'd said he would adopt my children before we got married). The marriage ended in divorce but by this time my kids were used to the surname they had used for the 7 years I was married so they carried on using it as did I -it saves having to contact all and sundry for name changes. There were problems when my boys wanted passports as the name on every piece of ID was one and the name on their birth cert. was different but a statement giving the reasons for this I got from CAB at the time and that was accepted. My grandchildren's surname is also the same as my ex husbands and the oldest grandchildren at now 15. My sons are now beginning to wish they had kept their fathers name and they could of course revert back to using it but I have explained to them that it is only a name when all is said and done. They know who they are and that is the most important thing. I think it really depends on how much your surname will mean to you. Personally I kept the surname of my ex husband until I remarried last year, purely because it was convenient to me.
I wish you luck whatever decision you take ...........a name is a name and if you're uncertain, use whatever name you choose. Go the deed poll route when you're really certain.

Strapped

I would've thought the obvious answer would be for you to take your GF's name when you marry rather than her take yours.

Strapped

Toots wrote: »

This is a really difficult one and only you will know how strongly you feel about it.

<snip>
On the other hand I have a sister who kept her maiden name and who is now pregnant and I'm wondering what surname her baby will have. How will a child explain why he has parents with different surnames? It's also really strange sending anything through the post to them both as it doesn't feel right to just write their christian names on the envelope but it feels wrong to write, say, Emma Jones and Chris Smith.

<snip>

Not unusual these days. The sooner it loses any "stigma" the better, in my opinion. (Can you tell I'm a step-parent lol).

Slinky

I was 41 when I married for the first time, and having had my surname for so long was reluctant to lose it, so took it as a middle name and changed my name by deed poll.

In the OP situation I think I'd be cautious about taking GF surname if you have any doubt about this person being your life time partner, whether you marry eventually or not. Otherwise you're creating a situation where you could end up wanting to change your name again if you split up.

With the double-barrelled route I used to work at a company where one of the partners had barrelled his name with his first wife. They subsequently divorced, he remarried somebody else who then got saddled with being Mrs Smith-Jones where Smith was his first wife's surname.