21st birthday present - granddaughter wants a tattoo 😱

Misslayed

Not sure how I’m going to handle this. My granddaughter will be 21 in a few weeks. (Just for background she is slightly autistic, so has sensory issues, and has a 4 month old baby). Her mum, my son’s ex wife, is organising a party for her. I’ve given her a dozen bottles of Prosecco as my contribution to the party. When her older sister was 18 I gave her some sentimental pieces of family jewellery and when she was 21 I gave her my diamond stud earrings (initially given to me by my late husband, her grandpa). They would have cost £750 or so to buy. She was delighted by these, but she’s a very different character to her sister!
I really would like to give my younger granddaughter a gift of similar value, but she’s not interested in any of my jewellery (I tried when she was 18), and still chooses very cheap mass produced items when really pressed! I’m talking less than £20.
I’ve just asked her mum for suggestions, and all she can come up with is money towards her tattoo! She has three aunties and they are clubbing together to buy her a handbag. I don’t think I can bring myself to enable (yet another) tattoo, and I know if I just give her money that’s what she will do with it.
Just hoping the hive mind can give me some suggestions- I have £500 put aside for this.

bazdvd

Let her have what she wants. If she is capable of looking after a baby she is capable of choosing a tattoo.

Baldytyke88

If you are not keen on tattoos, pay the bill for a meal out for 4/6 people, maybe including yourself.

Misslayed

’Not keen’ doesn’t really cover it.

Baldytyke88

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/82123689#Comment_82123689

My daughter already has a tattoo, she wants a Mercedes. I think she needs to save more, she is too comfortable and spends too much money.

She will get a tattoo, try and spend the money on what is good for her, a holiday perhaps

subjecttocontract

Tattoos are very popular and fashionable these days. They don't hold you back as they might have done years ago, plenty of wealthy people have tattoos.

strawb_shortcake

We paid for a tattoo for my Daughter's 18th Birthday, I appreciate it sounds very irresponsible but she had talked about having tattoos since she was around 3.

We were able to discuss quality tattoo parlours and made sure she went to a reputable establishment, and she had a well thought out meaningful idea and designed the tattoo in conjunction with the artist.

Thankfully neither of us have any regrets.

For her 21st, I took her away for a city break, perhaps the two of you could have a short break somewhere or a spa day? Maybe with a 4 month old baby a day of pampering is needed

Ms_Chocaholic

You're giving her a gift for her birthday, you can't then decide what she spends it on, that's up to her.

Sea_Shell

You either gift a 'thing', spend money on them (meal/holiday), or gift money outright.

With any cash gift, you have no control as to WHAT they spend that on.

You may advise them what you'd prefer them to spend it on, but you can never insist. Once the money's theirs, it's theirs.

It could be tattoos, or anything that the giver wouldn't personally choose, or like, or might even strongly be against. In that case, don't give cash.

There are always gift vouchers…

Exodi

Misslayed

When her older sister was 18 I gave her some sentimental pieces of family jewellery and when she was 21 I gave her my diamond stud earrings (initially given to me by my late husband, her grandpa). They would have cost £750 or so to buy. She was delighted by these, but she’s a very different character to her sister!
I really would like to give my younger granddaughter a gift of similar value, but she’s not interested in any of my jewellery (I tried when she was 18)

I'm going to play devils advocate here and suggest you should be thinking more about what she likes instead of what you would like her to like.

Certainly my wife and I are a bit older than your granddaughter (double her age), but I can tell you behind closed doors that all the old garish brooches, rings, and other old fashioned items we're gifted by our various grand-relatives inevitably end up in a box in the loft indefinitely. In fact I write this after coming home last week to see my wife's nan has kindly gifted her an enormous portrait of Jesus that she insists we could hang in our living room… (neither of us are religious)!

I'm sure you may feel none of your stuff is garish or old fashioned, but it's a possibility her sister is just more agreeable or polite.

If you are clear you don't want to "enable (yet another) tattoo" - why not look outside the box? Is she hoping to drive in the near future? £500 would probably pay for ~12 lessons.

Or get a weekend spa break voucher for her and a friend.

Or just get her what she wants.

elsien

21 doesn’t really mean much to people the way that it used two years ago.

My mother wanted to buy me something to keep and treasure - I’m not really the sentimental sort and I now can’t remember what it is that she brought me. It was probably jewelry and I would’ve been involved in choosing it, but it has now vanished from my memory.

At least she won’t forget a tattoo. 😁