Money Moral Dilemma: What should I do with the inherited money that I feel guilty about spending?

retired19

I lost my much loved mum in spring last year. I can sympthise with how you feel. The best decision I made was to put inherited money in a fixed term 12 month ISA as my emotions were unreliable at the time. Guilt and grief would have made some poor decisions very likely. Now 11 months on I have calmed a bit and can make more rational decisions about what to do. Grief is still there but I am now more in control. The best advice I can give is dont rush, give yourself time before any major change. You need time more than anything else.

RSD7a

What thoughtful comments. I was going to add something but it's mainly all been said.

sueper

I too felt guilty that it was ‘someone else’s’ money & that I only had it due to the very unexpected deaths of both my parents within 4 months of each other. I ended up using it to move house in order to get my kids into the best secondary school in our area

LameWolf

I'm sorry for your loss; I also know precisely how you feel.

I lost my husband three years ago, and for at least 18 months all I could think was "I want my husband, not his money". But of course, I can't have him back.

I did squirrel the money away in a high interest account while my head wasn't operating properly, but eventually, encouraged by friends, I was able to see things a bit more rationally, and now if there's a piece of equipment I need to make life as a disabled person living alone easier, I use some of the money to buy it, knowing that my husband would be nodding in agreement. I also whisper a thank you to him.

Give yourself time. It will get easier, I promise. You never stop missing the person you've lost, but the raw edges of the grief do get a little less sharp.

primrose_penguin

The person who left you the money obviously thought highly of you and wanted to give you a gift for you to spend on yourself. By purchasing something you need and will enjoy i.e. a car you would be honouring their wishes and remember them every time you drive it, of course you would rather still have them here, but sadly that cannot happen, try to remember all the happy memories of your time with this thoughtful person, I know they would not want you to feel guilty.

skull

So sorry for your loss, (and for my screen name). Although you may not wish to spend the money right now, there may come a time when you really need it. Remember that the person left you the money to make your life better. As has been said, new cars depreciate quickly, so buy a use reliable one perhaps. One option might be to donate a small portion to your loved one's favourite charity, in their name, and save the rest for now. I did this and also lent some to 8 people on the Lend With Care website, almost all of which has been with repaid, with just a few months repayments left to go. My health has recently deteriorated, and I need to move closer to family, so the money will go towards that, in my case.

BankofMumandDad

My Dad's still alive, though at 86, he knows he's not going to be around much longer. He regularly tells his 3 children that they should enjoy the money he leaves them. I don't think there are many people around that would want you to feel guilty about spending it, though far too few actually discuss these things before they die.

So consider what your loved one would have wanted. Would they have wanted you to feel guilty about spending it? How about reframing the question? Rather than 'spending', how about 'enjoying'?

Hope this helps.

Benthebadger

I'm so sorry for your loss; grief is an awful thing to deal with.

I bought a car in the wake of both of my parents' death within a few weeks of each other and it was entirely the wrong decision for that time because nobody is capable of making the best choices at such a sorrowful time.

Put the money aside until you are ready to use it but Not too long if you don't have any means of transport. Never forget, you were left the money out of pure love and the giver would be happy for you to have what you want and NEED, which is why they gave it. If anything, spending it on a physical object which will last a very long time, is a real tribute to that person and a testament to your relationship.

Wishing you all the best.

alri08

Sorry for your loss 🌹

I inherited some money after my father died. I felt really anxious about deciding what to do, my anxiety was part of the grief. The best advice I had was (as above) you don't need to do anything right now. After a year in a savings account, I was in a better frame of mind to make decisions about what to do with the money.

Lowry1986

I understand exactly how you feel. My Mum gave me just £5 note for a small job I did for her. After she died I could not part with it. In the end I bought a lovely plant pot with it, so that article became a permanent memorial to my Mum. In your position I would put up with the present car for a little longer and use the inheritance, or at least part of it, to purchase something that the person would like, that is useful to you and would become a permanent memorial to your loved one.