Finally going to tell my husband about my bad debt i'm scared

RAS

Pleased that things went as well as you could hope. It takes time to fully re-establish the relationship after a revelation, good or bad.

You might both benefit from a monthly review just before salaries are paid, when you can agree any big ticket spends, and a quick weekly catch-up. 

I'd also suggest that you need to build an emergency fund together, so you don't need to access credit. 

Rob5342

Rachel24 said:

Hi everyone

Thank you all so much for your support. I told him last night, he has been great also hurt he didnt realise I was in this mess and never told him. 

Well done on facing up to it, it's an extremely difficult thing to do. Now you are over the hurdle you can start working together to sort things out, it will take a lot of hard work but you'll soon be feeling much more positive about things.

oceandreamer

Glad things went ok  Rachel24 at least that is one less thing to worry about.

Rachel24

Thanks everyone, everyone has been so kind especially when I feel I don't deserve it. 

It feels so strange my husband knowing, like not having this secret as ive always hidden debt. 

I went on gam stop and installed an app to so i cant access any gambling sites. I know it makes my husband feel more reassured and me too as I knew I had a problem but I didn't realise until I had xome off them how much it was even habit. 

Now i'm just waiting on stepchange to come back after reviewing my budget which they said can take 10 working days. I'm just praying this DPP will be set up and approved i know i won't be able to move forward until it is as i'm just sitting in limbo. 

Thanks everyone again for all your help 

RAS

You are welcome. It's what we are here for. There's a lot of folk who're tackling the same issues.

It's worth pointing out that Scottish law on debt is very different to that in England and Wales so many of the tactics used here aren't appropriate north of the border.

If you want more help or moral support ongoing forward, just add (Scotland) to your title so those who know their stuff see the thread.

You can ask questions,  just vent, set up a diary, whether works for you.

Meantime, best wishes to you both.

sourcrates

They are not going to say no to you, debt management is a certainty, not a maybe.

Although in Scotland a DPP (DAS) is a formal debt solution, in the rest of the UK it isn`t, so even if it was refused for any reason, you can still set up an informal arrangement yourself, so no need to worry about any of this.

Willow1403

Hi Rachel,
I just wanted to leave you a comment as I was in exactly the same position as you a year ago.
I started matched betting/casino as a way to pay off debt (ironic!) and it was brilliant until I started actually gambling. I got further and further in to debt, but just kept telling myself that I would have that win that would sort it all out. In the end, I realised I was totally addicted, and had to give it up. Registered for GamBan etc and told my husband. I was dreading it, but he was amazing.
This all happened last March and I've been gamble free ever since and made massive progress to paying off the debts. I also put in some affordability complains and had most upheld, which has helped.
I wanted to say a massive well done to you for taking the steps, it's a difficult journey and I hope you're feeling lighter for sharing with your husband. 
I wish you all the best for your future xx

Sunbakedscobble

Hello

Just seen this thread. As someone who had a hidden 36k debt from her husband I totally know what you are going through. I won't lie my Husband went balistic, he was so upset with me and rightly so. He didn't speak to me really for 24 hours then he came and gave me a massive hug and we talked. He asked for access to my banking app so he could see what I spending. He was pleased as I had started corrective actions that I had acknowledged the problem. this was all in Oct 2021. I now have just 5 payments  left on my DMP.

Hope the talk went ok 

Rachel24

Thanks guys, he's been okay. I can tell sometimes he's angry/upset with me. Especially when I said stepchange had come back to me. At the moment if my debt payment plan is approved it'll take over 9 years to complete. I know this is different from a DMP so I don't think I can shorten it by doing affordability complaints etc. 

I am just hoping its approved then I can almost move on as at the moment i'm in limbo. 

I did think he'd leave me so the fact he's still here means so much to me. I am finding it strange having some spare money to myself though thats actually mine and not credit! 

ManyWays

Is the debt payment plan a DAS? Affordability complaints work for those as well.

Start saving up some money each month, this is the secret to getting through a long payment plan, living without credit means putting money aside in the good and average months for the bad ones