Finally going to tell my husband about my bad debt i'm scared

Rachel24

ManyWays said:

There are ways you can look to speed up the DMP, in the very early stages by making affordability complaints, later by trying to get debts partially settled. But for now, you have made a great start and are facing up to telling your partner. Well done!

Once I've told my partner and the DMP is official (I spoke and set it up yesterday with stepchange) i'll look into all this. If i dont and I can't have credit for 16 years then so be it. I'd be in my early 50's, mortgage free and hopefully learned my lesson. I just feel so ashamed of myself 

ManyWays

I think that is a practical way to think about this.

BUT some of your lenders should also be feeling very ashamed. You have been lent an absurd amount and at least some of them did not make adequate checks.

Exodi

ManyWays said:

Exodi said:

Rachel24 said:

I stupidly took up matched betting to try and clear it. Then I just got a gambling problem instead and here we are today with 47k of debt.

Why was taking up matched betting stupid? I personally made about £7.5k in total from Matched Betting (and personally taught around 15 people, who each made a few grand). Admittedly one did blow the £2k they'd made in several months in one night on Blackjack chasing losses.

Unless you mean it was stupid because you were aware you have addictive tendencies?

Unless someone has gambled and had no problems with it, they can have no idea if they have "addictive tendencies". It has nothing to do with intelligence or willpower, or whether you have a problem with cigarettes or alcohol - it's how your brain is wired. Casino and other sites are deliberately designed to make people want to use them more. 

But therein lies my point - why would the OP otherwise suggest that taking up matched betting is stupid? Innumerable amounts of people have made thousands from it. Matched betting on its own is not a bad or stupid idea.

I made no comments on it being linked to intelligence/willpower/cigarettes/alcohol so I'm not clear on the meaning of the second sentence?

I know better than anyone how casino operators deliberately create games that encourage more gambling - in fact when I used to complete casino offers, I was religious about muting the games, using auto-play where possible and not watching the game while in action (though it hasn't been confirmed whether the OP was matched betting on sportsbook or casino or both - I guess it's not terribly important).

FWIW my friend who gambled away his winnings did have addictive tendencies - some examples being that he used to be a lot of scratchcards and spend a small fortune on fruit machines when he was out. In hindsight it was a mistake introducing him to matched betting (though he only lost what we made AFAIK). I don't think it's correct to suggest it's impossible to know in advance. Most don't consider bingo, lootboxes on games, the lottery, etc as gambling.

I assumed the OP suggested it was stupid to start matched betting because they knew they would be particularly vulnerable to it.

EDIT: sorry I've just seen OP has confirmed that.

Exodi

Rachel24 said:

Thanks everyone, im spending most of my morning crying.

I've decided to tell him tonight because if he needs to decide whether to stay or not i'd rather give him time to think. 

Matched betting was stupid of me as I do have an addictive personality, I get very fixated and sadly kept using the casinos to try and get a big win. Knowing I can do a dmp has been a massive relief but i'll still have a black cloud over me if i'm not honest with my husband. I know he'll be devastated i'm dreading telling him so much. 

It will be a huge weight off your shoulders telling him.

Time heals all things, he'd rather be told than it be kept a secret, I think we all would.

Plus you have a plan in place - many posting on these forums go to their partners when they can't afford to keep it a secret any longer (which is much worse imo).

He'll be upset, but he'll likely get over it.

Good luck!

Rob5342

Nobody can say how he will react, but what I can say is that this comes up a lot here, and in the vast majority of cases the outcome isn't anywhere near as bad as people feared it would be. The chances are he will find out for himself at some point, and may even already suspect that something is up, so you are just dealing with the inevitable.

I got into 44k or credit card debt and it was years before I told my wife. Her reaction was mostly being upset and hurt that I hadn't asked her for help when she would have dropped everything for me, rather than her feeling any anger. It was hard conversation to have and things were difficult between us for a long time, but once I'd told her things really turned around and with the support I finally started making some progress in paying everything off. 

tealady

Just remember the saying
Trouble knocked at the door
Fear called out "who's there?"
Courage opened the door and there was no one there
Once you have told your OH I am sure you will sleep better, hope it all goes OK

Smudgeismydog

Just wanted to say good luck, we are all rooting for your

x

RhiBi

@Rachel24 I hope the evening went ok for you.  There’s plenty of people here here who and advise and support you.

Rachel24

Hi everyone

Thank you all so much for your support. I told him last night, he has been great also hurt he didnt realise I was in this mess and never told him. 

He helped me finalise all my stuff today with stepchange and im in Scotland and have gone for a debt arrangement scheme. I so hope im approved as it would really lift a weight of my shoulders. Im scared theyll say no. 

RhiBi

I am so glad that it went well for you and you’re both on the same team.  I can’t give advice on the debt arrangement scheme as I’m in Wales, but now that you’re facing this together I’m sure you’ll find a way.

look what a difference a day has made, yesterday you were scared this would be the end for you both but   I’m sure today, your marriage feels stronger.

well done on taking that brave step, please keep posting to update us on your progress.