Helping a vulnerable relative - where do I start?

RAS

Difficult. I think all of us recognise that even with MIA, your sister's choice is going to be getting back into work or downsizing?

Where does that leave dad? 

It might help in the short-term if you can be a bit up-beat about the actions she has taken, is taking, and can take.

In the vague hope he might agree 3PA, she you can help him like you are sis?

Wanna_Bee_Free

Hi RAS, yes I expect they need to move but haven't had a lightbulb moment yet. It's hard because they lived there with my Mum fir the first 5 years and then 3 sonce then. There is too much stuff. Not true hoarder level but a fill big bedroom equivalent of paperwork and duplicates. The best thing about moving for me Dad would be he hates his stairlift and they could move with that in mind. When U first came on here I thought by now I would have offered SOAs for at least my sister. I will try and be upbeat with her today. I'd like her email working by Monday and to try and cancel her non-essential payments today for the ones we can log in to. 

Wanna_Bee_Free

so many typos - sorry! sonce = since fill = full me Dad = my Dad U = I

EssexHebridean

Wanna_Bee_Free said:

so many typos - sorry! sonce = since fill = full me Dad = my Dad U = I

You can edit a post using the three dots on the top right - clicking on them gives you an edit or a delete option!

Wanna_Bee_Free

I thought it would be a good time to revisit and update. Reading it all again I can see how much I was struggling, how difficult it was to cut through all the chaos and actually get clear on priorities. I am hugely grateful to everyone who posted as it was a huge help. So much of the drama/chaos was coming from Little Sis mental health issues and I have been doing my best for them both all year. After my last post she went into hospital, was sectioned, moved to psychatric hospital and came home in April. Then two weeks later my father had a bad fall and has been in a different hospital in a different town and she then went back into hospital and was sectioned again. Both my father and Little Sis are finally home after very lengthy hospital stays.

Mortgate, overdrafts and other bill arrears sorted by my father depleting his savings. I persuaded them the credit cards are non-priority. They haven't been paid I believe and no defaults yet. Financially it now seems small fry as he has new huge weekly caring bills since he came home last month. Little Sis now gets Universal Credit and Council Tax reductions are in place for them. She has been in psychiatric hospital and is no longer my father's carer, switch over of benefits from Carers Allowance to Universal Credit is in progress and hopefully will go smoothly. Gym and lots of subscriptions cancelled. My father finally agreed to two LPAs which I sent off last month. Nothing back yet.

She has been referred to specialist CAB mental health support to help her list her debts, monthly bills and get her clear on the facts. She has arranged an estate agent visiting today and they both understand the need to downsize. Some decluttering has started. I am helping when asked and trying not to push it myself.

They both have allocated social workers and Little Sis has MH people whose job is to help but the reality is underwhelming/close to non-existent. My own household is zero income again so I am reducing my visits to max two weekly now they are both out of hospital. I still haven't felt able to stay overnight. I need to step back and recover anyway as my mental and physical health was taking a battering. Be careful, caring is bad for you.

Plan of action now they are both home

Step back myself and recover.

Support their house sale process. Continue our own house sale process.

Get their printer working so I don't need to print and pay for postage and they can be independent. Cartridges ordered.

Check we got all the pesky subscriptions.

Fix problems with my father's email account - check bill payments etc to find out why it's not working.

The plan to downshift phone from Voda to cheap SIM only stalled when SIM didn't arrive. Discuss when I next visit. I believe this is a potential £90 monthly saving still to be had.

Look into SMI now she has been on UC for over 3 months.

Discuss LPAs for Little Sis now she is off section and see if she still wants to do them.

Apply to local authority for a financial assessment when my father's savings get near to £23.5k. Replacement hearing aids and his huge carer costs mean that will be later this year at the current rate.

itsthelittlethings

Glad To hear things have improved.