Helping a vulnerable relative - where do I start?

Wanna_Bee_Free

Little Sis has had mental health and physical health issues since August. She has been out of work for over 20 months. Income is carers allowance c£83 a week I think. She was in hospital for one week in October but not sure on rules re carers sickness.  Household includes our father so has been running on his savings and pension. Crisis point reached because he is struggling to get access to his bank accounts. Monday I am accompanying him. Little sis has asked if she can give me financial power of attorney to take over. I am concerned that she is trying to pass me responsibility that is hers but we can't see the wood for the trees at the moment. 

What I believe to be true (there are some things she is not being honest about so can't be sure.)

House and mortgage both in her name. Guess at house value £750k and mortgage c£1600 - £2000 per month. Equity guess £400k
Car - Expensive HP gone, She now drives my father's £5k car. He paid road fund licence this Oct. (I paid for car costs until this Autumn)
Mortgage in arrears. 6 month holiday already used. Arrears added and were being paid monthly. 
Two credit cards less than £10k each
2 current accounts both in overdraft
December all payments missed/bounced including mortgage/phone/ energy

Our father has been keeping things going until now from capital savings. 
My separate household is about to be a zero income one from next month so I am not in a position to help financially but I can try and provide clear advice, accompany her to things etc. I have no financial connection to their household at present. No joint accounts or regular payments. I currently fund my father books and beer sporadically and my travel costs. OH buys and cooks a roast lunch on Sunday c70% of this year. I used to stay and eat their food while helping to care for my father but her mental health issues and me having minor health issues stopped that the last month. 

My Current thoughts on next steps to come
1 get her to list her debts, monthly bills and get clear on the facts
2 If she can't fund it on carers allowance (100% sure of that!) we discuss gap with my father - can he gift her a monthly amount or pay energy bill himself as he likes it warm
3 Stop subscriptions, gym membership, credit card payments (started helping with this in December at her request)
4 Try and get council tax, energy bill and other missed payments sorted with father's money
5 Call or visit CAB to find out about benefits
6 Get her to downshift phone from Voda to cheap SIM only. Does being in contract affect that if you are in a hardship situation?

She bought the house 8 years ago. Age 55. Unlikely to keep another high paying job long, history of losing jobs 3-6 months in. Our father is 91 and in better health than she is at present. If he died sne would have to sell to downsize and get income and expenditure to work. House is 3 bedrooms but current mental health issues don't make it an attractive proposition to a renter. 

Any idea what HSBC do when you've had 6 months break paying the mortgage, are paying arrears and then start missing payments again.

Any facts/experience on forced sales very useful as I paid my £25k debt off over a devade ago and OH and I just have 0% cc debt from renting near them 3 years ago to help after my Mum died suddenly the same week my father got v ill. 

Grumpelstiltskin

OK Firstly income for both of them. Do they both claim any benefits they would be entitled to?

Wanna_Bee_Free

I should mention she has a full email account and has developed issues with logging on, using websites, apps etc like people usually do. Eg password reset impossible as emails blocked as too full. OH separately trying to sort but not there yet. Also she has odd phone behaviours but I can help her phone customer helplines etc. 

Wanna_Bee_Free

Thanks Grumpeltilskin, delighted to see your name on here. Her income carers allowance. His income state pension plus my best info is c900pcm private pension. He has over £16k in savings. I don't know how much exactly. He gets the higher rate of Attendance Allowance and is a blue badge holder.  No other benefits claimed. 

Grumpelstiltskin

If she has savings of less than £16 K has she claimed Universal Credit? Has your father claimed Attendance Allowance, not income related?

Wanna_Bee_Free

Little sis has not claimed Universal Credit. She has no savings. Yes, my mother applied for Attendance Allowance for my father so that's sorted years ago. My mother was in the household with little sis and father until she died in summer of 2022

elsien

If you’re saying she has health issues herself, why is she not claiming PIP? 

She cannot give you power of attorney for your father. He has to wish to make another power-of-attorney to appoint you instead. Or is she talking or giving you power of attorney for herself because the post is a little bit unclear? If your father is struggling to access his bank account and there isn’t a power of attorney that does need to be set up as a priority. 
However, although he does need to pay to our household expenses, it seems a bit like he has been funding some of her lifestyle and that’s not ok.  Or fair on him, even if he does have savings. Yes, he might want to pay more because he likes a warm house, but she would be paying those basic utility bills anyway, even if he wasn’t there. Is there an element of expecting him to pay more so not properly looking at her own expenses and trying to cut them? 

If they can’t afford to live where they are now and then is downsizing an option? Probably not the preference, but sometimes it is needs must. She simply cannot afford to pay that size mortgage if she’s not working. Everything else is just fiddling around the edges and what happens when your dad’s money runs out? 

Wanna_Bee_Free

Hi Elsien, sorry for lack of clarity. Trying to explain what feels like a more complicated situation than most on here so forgive me. Little Sis has asked me if I am willing to be her financial power of authority. She has not claimed PIP. Her mental health issues began 5 months ago or so. Weight loss in parallel possibly with underlying mental health issues causing it. I don't know if she qualifies for PIP and that is exactly the sort of suggestion I need to help the pair of them as I don't know much about this stuff.

My father has given nobody any POA of any type at this stage. I plan to discuss this with him again in the light of all his separate banking issues. I am not yet clear on what his banking issues are. Little sis told me that they requested a new fob and that is what the problem is. They also locked out his cashpoint card last week between them trying 3 wrong pins. I am watching these daily disasters unfold in shock. It would not surprise me if my father's banking issues are easy to sort and just a reflection of Little sis struggling to use apps and websites etc.

Wanna_Bee_Free

My personal view is that they should downsize. I am concerned that they have run out of rope with the mortgage company and so if they need to move I want to get ahead of a forced sale. 

She has been using his income with his agreement to fund the bills, groceries etc. Until December she has had luxury items for herself going out (gym etc) but all with his knowledge and agreement. Then December they have had the lightbulb moment I have been waiting two years to see.

itsthelittlethings

Perhaps see if there is a local carers organisation who can advise/ help. Have her issues developed a result of struggling to care for your father?

Wanna_Bee_Free

I would say caring for my father has been a significant factor. I have been giving 3 days and 2 nights a week plus OH Sunday lunches since my Mother died but after 3 years OH & I are exhausted. Little sis is not good at using the time I was giving to her own benefit. She currently is unwilling to leave my father at home even when he is fine and wants to stay home in the warm. Her mental health issues affecting her ability to leave the house quickly and easily.

I have no idea how to find carers organisations local to them but am willing to try and do it myself. What help do you think they might offer? I probably can only get Little Sis to do a limited amount of calls a day.

I have done less support than usual since late November as I had a bad cold and vertigo. I stopped staying overnight about the same time as she paces around all night and I can't sleep there anymore from my own anxiety/stress. I am going to return to daytime visits Sunday Monday Thursday and possibly Tuesday so she can have time off but won't. I am undecided about Tuesday given how little difference it seems to make.