Steadily climbing the mountain, enjoying the view along the way

debtfreewannabe321

@badmemory when we moved here we had four large rhubarb plants that have been in years. I accidentally chopped one back as I didn't realise we had a fourth one (it wasn't as big) however by the end of the last growing season bits were sprouting out of it. I love rhubarb and have lots In the freezer now from our crop 😄! Tastes so much better homegrown.

KajiKita

@debtfreewannabe321yes it’s flipping cold here too but I had cause to walk around my garden this afternoon explaining my plans and ideas for it, and that made it feel more mine 😊 I wasn’t too keen on rhubarb until I found a crumble r3cipe that involves ground almonds - now I get it! 😊

@redofromstart, it’s one of the best ways I know to empty my head - you just can’t keep thinking about how that meeting went wrong or your boss was an idiot when you are so focused on trying to weed between tiny treasures you want to keep … 😉

@badmemory, I think costing at r1verf0rd prices counts as adding a taste bonus! 😉

Weight, yoga and sit ups done this morning. 😊 No squats as the seat was filthy thanks to little cat paws prints and then I got busy with the below. 

I was brave today and had a friend around for lunch. ‘Brave?’ I hear you say, ‘what’s she on about?’. I had a horrid bout of anxiety a few nights ago and it was because my friend and I had made an arrangement for her to come here. I get very paranoid about being judged for how my house is - which is ridiculous as a) my house is actually not *that* bad, b) she was coming to see me not judge, c) she is a lovely person etc etc. I talked this over with my ex-buddhist / largely shamanic friend and we think it relates to quite how rejected I was in childhood, especially by my mother. I should get counselling for this but I just can’t face this atm (still recovering from ex boss and becoming me again) so decided to feel the fear (false evidence appearing real) and do it anyway … I haven’t had any anxiety since, so I think just talking it through helped quite a lot. Buddhist friend has given me a book called the completion process, so I will work through that and see if that helps. 

Made mushroom soup from a c0vent garden soup recipe - it was lush and we ate the lot, sadly! 😉😂
Also made a batch of whole grain rolls, again from scratch. Oh dear, oh dear … I made so many mistakes but eventually I produced something edible - even Mr KK ate them and he is a seriously processed, white bread man! 😂
I loaded up the table with a cheese board, rolled up ham slices, salami slices, pickles, butter, sliced cucumber, shredded lettuce and everyone helped themselves to what they fancied. It worked really well 😊

After a cuppa, we wandered round the garden - she loved it and says she wants to come back in spring 😊

Because I was already ferreting about in the soup book I worked my way through the whole book and made a list of recipes to try and found quite a few 😊 This is good as I want to try to eat fewer SM tins of soup for lunches in work - just need some way of portioning them for the freezer that is still transportable to work … 🤔

Then dozed off on the sofa for a bit! (And I’m meant to be going back to work next week!! 😳😂😂) 

KK

PennysIntoPounds

Ah that sounds a great day KK. Well done for getting your mate round and putting on a splendid spread with gorgeous sounding rolls.
Not downplaying counselling and/or trauma at all, but life is short so big well done for 'feeling the fear and doing it anyway'

KajiKita

PennysIntoPounds said:

Ah that sounds a great day KK. Well done for getting your mate round and putting on a splendid spread with gorgeous sounding rolls.
Not downplaying counselling and/or trauma at all, but life is short so big well done for 'feeling the fear and doing it anyway'

Thanks PiP

Used some parsley from the garden for the soup, so have updated my tracker a little more!

KK

skint_spice

That lunch sounds lovely, I am sure your friends are not judging your house but I totally get how things from the past can mess with your present mindset.

Brie

KajiKita said:

I was brave today and had a friend around for lunch. ‘Brave?’ I hear you say, ‘what’s she on about?’. I had a horrid bout of anxiety a few nights ago and it was because my friend and I had made an arrangement for her to come here. I get very paranoid about being judged for how my house is - which is ridiculous as a) my house is actually not *that* bad, b) she was coming to see me not judge, c) she is a lovely person etc etc.

Because I was already ferreting about in the soup book I worked my way through the whole book and made a list of recipes to try and found quite a few 😊 This is good as I want to try to eat fewer SM tins of soup for lunches in work - just need some way of portioning them for the freezer that is still transportable to work … 🤔

Stomp on that paranoia!!  Think instead about the comments you get when you post pictures of the progress that you're making on the place.  We love the place so don't worry (easy for me to say, I get paranoid too!!)

Do you have a Polish shop anywhere near you?  Have a look at their cuppa soup.  I find them really nice, less salt and sugar compared to English ones.  Obviously you'll have to check the ingredients to see if they agree with your diet but I always found them great to have at work for those emergency days when I hadn't managed to bring anything or didn't get out of the building for lunch.  Still have the big pot of powdered borscht which is my go to when the OH wants something from Heinz.

Baileys_Babe

We had friends visiting yesterday it was lovely. I did get some anxiety in the days leading up to it and nearly cancelled, so glad I was brave. They were about hour earlier than I expected them which worked out well as I stopped fretting about all the things I should do before they arrive and enjoyed their company. There was no judgement on their part and I knew there wouldn't be. I'm looking forward to our next meet up.

I've finally found time to sit down and catch up on your new diary.

I would like to actually grow some food in our garden this year, I'm going to be paying close attention to yourself, TMV, foxgloves, Suffolk Lass to motivate.

I also want to increase my balance, flexibility and strength I think following your example of including exercise through out my day will work better for me.

Thanks for your support and encouragement.

beanielou

Hope all goes well for you tomorrow 🤗

Humdinger1

Found your new diary and subscribed @KajiKita! Happy new year to us all.   Huge congratulations on feeling the fear and doing it anyway. Love Humdinger xx 

Merlin's_Beard

That feeling of being judged for your house is very, very familiar for very similar reasons KK! I'm glad you had a lovely time in the end and you 'banked' an experience to negate the negative spirals.