Large income gap, would you expect the lower earning partner to still work for money?

elsien

I don’t know why you are perceiving the expectation that partner B is bringing something to the table as being controlling.
As partner A I’d be quite miffed if I was working full-time  while partner B was doing the  social activities of their choice to fill their days. 

As someone who lived with a partner who was earning when I was unemployed I was desperate to have my own money and not to feel completely reliant on them. They were fine with the situation, but it wasn’t for me.

BungalowBel

If the couple are older (pensions maxed so assume so), and it is a relatively new relationship, then I would expect each partner to carry on working , but contributing to the household budget commensurate with their earnings.

I would not expect the lower earner to not work at all.  However, I also would not expect them to 'break their back' doing overtime.  Just their standard hours.

BungalowBel

Sea_Shell said:

After 30+years of marriage, we have taken turns in the last few years as being the earner/non-earner, along with having quite different incomes over the years.   Moreso in the latter years.

It's all treated as "our money".

Having both now retired early, I'm currently "sponging" off DHs drawdown, until I can get my hands on mine next year.

I have my own money via investments, but this isn't for day to day spends.

I have also been in this position.  My husband took early retirement at 55 and was able to draw his actuarily reduced Teachers' Pension.  I was 54 and unable to draw my  occupational pension at that time.

We went to live in Spain, where we just lived off his Pension for six years until I was able to draw my State Pension at 60 (one of the last to be able to do so at this age).   I had no income of my own during this time.

However, we had been married for over 35 years and decided together to do this.  The OP and their partner have only been together for a few years.  I think this is an entirely different scenario.

MattMattMattUK

From the limited information presented it seems partner B seems to have a sense of entitlement, be somewhat lazy and have a chip on their shoulder. No children to look after, yet B seems to think that they can just spend their week doing whatever they want whilst A works full time in a likely high pressure job. As it is mentioned that the relationship has only been a few years it seems even more that B might just be after a free ride. The fact that B also thinks that having to work is "controlling" indicates even bigger issues to me.

If I was advising A I would probably suggest that they seriously look at the relationship, absolutely protect their financial interests and even consider ending it, if B was my friend I would be telling hem that they needed to have a serious look at their attitude.

Tree_pipe99

I think some are rushing to judgement on B without knowing the full picture. Depending on the trust and understanding in the relationship I think B could be reasonable in thinking there could be an element of control in this.  

itsthelittlethings

The only information presented is that A earns significantly more than B. Everything else is people extrapolating.

MattMattMattUK

Tree_pipe99 said:

I think some are rushing to judgement on B without knowing the full picture. Depending on the trust and understanding in the relationship I think B could be reasonable in thinking there could be an element of control in this.  

How is it controlling for both partners to maintain an independent income? How is it controlling for A to not want B to make themselves filly financially dependent upon A? How is it controlling for both partners to be expected to work and contribute to the household?

MinnieBin

MattMattMattUK said:

Tree_pipe99 said:

I think some are rushing to judgement on B without knowing the full picture. Depending on the trust and understanding in the relationship I think B could be reasonable in thinking there could be an element of control in this.  

How is it controlling for both partners to maintain an independent income? How is it controlling for A to not want B to make themselves filly financially dependent upon A? How is it controlling for both partners to be expected to work and contribute to the household?

On the one hand, yes. But B's income doesn't materially affect their standard of living, it is virtually invisible. Their gardener or cleaner likely earns more, and it often feels as though A is trying to assert control by reducing B's importance to the same level as those roles. How must B feel watching A spend several months' worth of B's hard earned wages on a single handbag (or whatever it is), without even blinking?

MinnieBin

MattMattMattUK said:

From the limited information presented it seems partner B seems to have a sense of entitlement, be somewhat lazy and have a chip on their shoulder. No children to look after, yet B seems to think that they can just spend their week doing whatever they want whilst A works full time in a likely high pressure job. As it is mentioned that the relationship has only been a few years it seems even more that B might just be after a free ride. The fact that B also thinks that having to work is "controlling" indicates even bigger issues to me.

If I was advising A I would probably suggest that they seriously look at the relationship, absolutely protect their financial interests and even consider ending it, if B was my friend I would be telling hem that they needed to have a serious look at their attitude.

A doesn't work in a high pressure job, often finishes at 5. It is more a "connections" type job than skills based.

MinnieBin

Sam_666 said:

Sounds like partner B is thinking to cash in chips and start enjoying freeloading.
What would happen if partner A loose job or become physically/mentally unable to work?
Or if partner A walks out from relationship?
Bet "I want kids" talk will be soon started by partner B.

I don't think B wants any kids. They already have "enough" kids lol (aged from late 30s to primary age).