How do you "let go" of your working life?

MarzipanCrumble

Throughout my life I have had to move on - parents moved from South to North when I was 10, moved to London at 18, back to North at 22, back to South at 25 etc etc.  So never ever had felt anything more than work colleagues were other than acquaintances.  Move on.  Ditch them.  Make new acquaintances - oned or two may be friends but don't count on it!

Yes, cynical, yes prob marginally autistic.  BUT I like my own company and my interests (Bridge,  Canasta and Cryptic Crosswords) mean I socially interact.

SarahB16

MarzipanCrumble said:

Throughout my life I have had to move on - parents moved from South to North when I was 10, moved to London at 18, back to North at 22, back to South at 25 etc etc.  So never ever had felt anything more than work colleagues were other than acquaintances.  Move on.  Ditch them.  Make new acquaintances - oned or two may be friends but don't count on it!

Yes, cynical, yes prob marginally autistic.  BUT I like my own company and my interests (Bridge,  Canasta and Cryptic Crosswords) mean I socially interact.

I couldn't agree more.  I get on very well with my work colleagues but I don't class them as friends and very much doubt I will see any of them again when I retire (and absolutely fine with that).

This is why I think it's so important to have interests and friends outside of work.  I don't mind my job but at the same time I can't wait to retire (alas many more years to go yet) however it will give me the time to do more of the things that I currently enjoy doing and time for new interests too.   

Nebulous2

I've written quite a bit about struggling to let go. I retired as a reaction to something, and because my financial ducks had aligned so I could afford to, but quickly conclude I wasn't ready and took a part-time job. 

That has rumbled along longer than I expected, but I think I'm now ready to try again. 

I don't see it as missing my work family either. I've had several jobs where the people around me were meaningful to me, we had occasional work nights out which were enjoyable, but I am not very good at keeping up once I'm no longer in regular contact. 

Several of us retirees from my last job loosely keep in touch, occasionally plan a meeting, but with busy lives and a geographic spread its difficult to get a date that suits. We manage it roughly twice a year. 

I'd say the financial prep is only part of it. You need to have a plan for your post-work life. Expect a honeymoon period, then the dissatisfaction can set in. The adage about retiring to something, rather than from something is very real.

I'm also convinced that a lot of retirees lose confidence, and narrow their horizons, ahead of any decline in their abilities. I went to France last September and couldn't believe how anxious people were in the queue for the ferry. The guy next to me said "Aren't you worried?" I said "No I've been  before." He said he had as well, then after discussing it I discovered he had done some bigger trips than I had. "But I've never felt like this before." he said. 

It starts with anxiety like that about more adventurous trips, and over a period of time people end up going no further than the local shops. 

I'm sure that also contributes to the reduction in spending that many retirees go through. I'm convinced many people over-estimate the 'how much do we need' figure, hold on longer than they need to to get a bigger cushion, and then have a narrow gap between stopping and withdrawing. 

I don't know how we can stop that shrinking of horizons, but I am determined that it isn't going to be me.

That has to be tempered with realism as well. None of us want to be that 90 year old, unfit to drive, who ends up going the wrong way down a motorway, putting themselves and others at risk.  

mlz1413

What an interesting thread.

Having read the 7 pages of comments I have to say i hope OP retires!

Kismet, you have the money.  If you struggle with that maybe do the targeted therapy suggested.   Talking to a non bias person who doesn't give an opinion is a wonderful hour well spent. (i did it for a relationship/ money issue I had and was so surprised how useful it was, 2 sessions had me in a different mind set and 4 sessions was all i needed).

You have money to help your children and if that isn't enough discuss your downsizing plans and decide if they have the money straight away or you keep the money for them separate.

On the moving front would your adult children come with you if you moved area? Say a 2 hr drive north... would they make the decision to stay near to where you are now?

I wish you the very best and really hope you do what makes you happy. 

R_P_W

I'd easily let go of my working life in a second and never give it a second thought as long as I was financially set to meet my needs for the rest of my life.

finbaar

Nebulous2 said:

I've written quite a bit about struggling to let go. I retired as a reaction to something, and because my financial ducks had aligned so I could afford to, but quickly conclude I wasn't ready and took a part-time job. 

That has rumbled along longer than I expected, but I think I'm now ready to try again. 

I don't see it as missing my work family either. I've had several jobs where the people around me were meaningful to me, we had occasional work nights out which were enjoyable, but I am not very good at keeping up once I'm no longer in regular contact. 

Several of us retirees from my last job loosely keep in touch, occasionally plan a meeting, but with busy lives and a geographic spread its difficult to get a date that suits. We manage it roughly twice a year. 

I'd say the financial prep is only part of it. You need to have a plan for your post-work life. Expect a honeymoon period, then the dissatisfaction can set in. The adage about retiring to something, rather than from something is very real.

I'm also convinced that a lot of retirees lose confidence, and narrow their horizons, ahead of any decline in their abilities. I went to France last September and couldn't believe how anxious people were in the queue for the ferry. The guy next to me said "Aren't you worried?" I said "No I've been  before." He said he had as well, then after discussing it I discovered he had done some bigger trips than I had. "But I've never felt like this before." he said. 

It starts with anxiety like that about more adventurous trips, and over a period of time people end up going no further than the local shops. 

I'm sure that also contributes to the reduction in spending that many retirees go through. I'm convinced many people over-estimate the 'how much do we need' figure, hold on longer than they need to to get a bigger cushion, and then have a narrow gap between stopping and withdrawing. 

I don't know how we can stop that shrinking of horizons, but I am determined that it isn't going to be me.

That has to be tempered with realism as well. None of us want to be that 90 year old, unfit to drive, who ends up going the wrong way down a motorway, putting themselves and others at risk.  

Hi Nebulou2, you make some very good points. I'm particularly interested in the point you make about people waiting for the ferry being anxious. Did you find out what they were anxious about? They had made it to the port at the right time and had, I would guess, all the correct documents. Was it just a general sense of unease about travelling? I feel very much the same about keeping my horizons as wide as possible.
A couple of weeks ago, after the storm on the Friday night, I was going to get the train down to London from Cumbria, with my son getting on in Preston. To cut a long (and to be quite frank, confused and full of rapidly changing information) story short I drove to Preston and we drove to London as all West Coast trains were cancelled. We left the car in Harrow and got the tube in. When I told the story at work the following week you would have thought I had made an expedition to the north pole rather than driving 330 miles. And these are younger people than me who already have smaller horizons.

Suzycoll

R_P_W said:

I'd easily let go of my working life in a second and never give it a second thought as long as I was financially set to meet my needs for the rest of my life.

I agree RPW

I am counting down the days until I can afford to retire 

I personally think I if you can afford to retire just do it !

Nebulous2

finbaar said:

Nebulous2 said:

I've written quite a bit about struggling to let go. I retired as a reaction to something, and because my financial ducks had aligned so I could afford to, but quickly conclude I wasn't ready and took a part-time job. 

That has rumbled along longer than I expected, but I think I'm now ready to try again. 

I don't see it as missing my work family either. I've had several jobs where the people around me were meaningful to me, we had occasional work nights out which were enjoyable, but I am not very good at keeping up once I'm no longer in regular contact. 

Several of us retirees from my last job loosely keep in touch, occasionally plan a meeting, but with busy lives and a geographic spread its difficult to get a date that suits. We manage it roughly twice a year. 

I'd say the financial prep is only part of it. You need to have a plan for your post-work life. Expect a honeymoon period, then the dissatisfaction can set in. The adage about retiring to something, rather than from something is very real.

I'm also convinced that a lot of retirees lose confidence, and narrow their horizons, ahead of any decline in their abilities. I went to France last September and couldn't believe how anxious people were in the queue for the ferry. The guy next to me said "Aren't you worried?" I said "No I've been  before." He said he had as well, then after discussing it I discovered he had done some bigger trips than I had. "But I've never felt like this before." he said. 

It starts with anxiety like that about more adventurous trips, and over a period of time people end up going no further than the local shops. 

I'm sure that also contributes to the reduction in spending that many retirees go through. I'm convinced many people over-estimate the 'how much do we need' figure, hold on longer than they need to to get a bigger cushion, and then have a narrow gap between stopping and withdrawing. 

I don't know how we can stop that shrinking of horizons, but I am determined that it isn't going to be me.

That has to be tempered with realism as well. None of us want to be that 90 year old, unfit to drive, who ends up going the wrong way down a motorway, putting themselves and others at risk.  

Hi Nebulou2, you make some very good points. I'm particularly interested in the point you make about people waiting for the ferry being anxious. Did you find out what they were anxious about? They had made it to the port at the right time and had, I would guess, all the correct documents. Was it just a general sense of unease about travelling? I feel very much the same about keeping my horizons as wide as possible.
A couple of weeks ago, after the storm on the Friday night, I was going to get the train down to London from Cumbria, with my son getting on in Preston. To cut a long (and to be quite frank, confused and full of rapidly changing information) story short I drove to Preston and we drove to London as all West Coast trains were cancelled. We left the car in Harrow and got the tube in. When I told the story at work the following week you would have thought I had made an expedition to the north pole rather than driving 330 miles. And these are younger people than me who already have smaller horizons.

I think much of their anxiety was related to urban myths and to some extent post-Brexit rules. It is often easier to believe bad things can happen in a foreign country than at home, where it is balanced by our day-to-day experience. Even when you think you have the right documents, like Animal Health Certificates, in an anxious state doubts creep in about those as well. 

We've all heard the stories. "You can't drink the water." "People get gassed and robbed at Aires in their motorhome." 

Then there are all the rules about high-viz vests, warning triangles, and a wide-spread belief that the French police are waiting round every corner, ready to pounce, and fine you on the spot for some minor infraction.

The guy on one side was concerned that he should have beam-benders on his headlights, and the woman on the other side was convinced she needed speed limit signs, like 50, 70, 80 on the back of her caravan. They were both struggling to deal with the anxiety. 

My reality has been that in 15 or so trips, over 40 years, the only time I've interacted with the French police was to report something stolen / lost. We had a crazy situation after a Bastille day firework display, where there were 1000s of people trying to leave at the same time late at night. There were quite a few police standing in the middle of junctions blowing whistles and gesticulating wildly trying to control the traffic, with most drivers totally ignoring them. 

At least a third of the British registered cars I see near the ports don't even bother with a UK sticker. 

Like you I've done things that surprise people much younger than me. We picked up a new caravan about 500 miles away, just before a storm last year. When we realised how bad it was going to be, with police advice not to drive, never mind tow a big square box, we found a sheltered campsite and settled down. I had something important on at home, left my wife with the caravan, took a train to London and caught a flight from Heathrow to our local airport to get there. I then did it in reverse 2 days later. People I told simply couldn't believe that I had made that level of effort to get there. 

GunJack

Nah, as soon as I can afford to, I'm off with ne'er a look back.....

4 yrs 3 months and counting....🙂

BikingBud

Nebulous2 said:

finbaar said:

Nebulous2 said:

I've written quite a bit about struggling to let go. I retired as a reaction to something, and because my financial ducks had aligned so I could afford to, but quickly conclude I wasn't ready and took a part-time job. 

That has rumbled along longer than I expected, but I think I'm now ready to try again. 

I don't see it as missing my work family either. I've had several jobs where the people around me were meaningful to me, we had occasional work nights out which were enjoyable, but I am not very good at keeping up once I'm no longer in regular contact. 

Several of us retirees from my last job loosely keep in touch, occasionally plan a meeting, but with busy lives and a geographic spread its difficult to get a date that suits. We manage it roughly twice a year. 

I'd say the financial prep is only part of it. You need to have a plan for your post-work life. Expect a honeymoon period, then the dissatisfaction can set in. The adage about retiring to something, rather than from something is very real.

I'm also convinced that a lot of retirees lose confidence, and narrow their horizons, ahead of any decline in their abilities. I went to France last September and couldn't believe how anxious people were in the queue for the ferry. The guy next to me said "Aren't you worried?" I said "No I've been  before." He said he had as well, then after discussing it I discovered he had done some bigger trips than I had. "But I've never felt like this before." he said. 

It starts with anxiety like that about more adventurous trips, and over a period of time people end up going no further than the local shops. 

I'm sure that also contributes to the reduction in spending that many retirees go through. I'm convinced many people over-estimate the 'how much do we need' figure, hold on longer than they need to to get a bigger cushion, and then have a narrow gap between stopping and withdrawing. 

I don't know how we can stop that shrinking of horizons, but I am determined that it isn't going to be me.

That has to be tempered with realism as well. None of us want to be that 90 year old, unfit to drive, who ends up going the wrong way down a motorway, putting themselves and others at risk.  

Hi Nebulou2, you make some very good points. I'm particularly interested in the point you make about people waiting for the ferry being anxious. Did you find out what they were anxious about? They had made it to the port at the right time and had, I would guess, all the correct documents. Was it just a general sense of unease about travelling? I feel very much the same about keeping my horizons as wide as possible.
A couple of weeks ago, after the storm on the Friday night, I was going to get the train down to London from Cumbria, with my son getting on in Preston. To cut a long (and to be quite frank, confused and full of rapidly changing information) story short I drove to Preston and we drove to London as all West Coast trains were cancelled. We left the car in Harrow and got the tube in. When I told the story at work the following week you would have thought I had made an expedition to the north pole rather than driving 330 miles. And these are younger people than me who already have smaller horizons.

I think much of their anxiety was related to urban myths and to some extent post-Brexit rules. It is often easier to believe bad things can happen in a foreign country than at home, where it is balanced by our day-to-day experience. Even when you think you have the right documents, like Animal Health Certificates, in an anxious state doubts creep in about those as well. 

We've all heard the stories. "You can't drink the water." "People get gassed and robbed at Aires in their motorhome." 

Then there are all the rules about high-viz vests, warning triangles, and a wide-spread belief that the French police are waiting round every corner, ready to pounce, and fine you on the spot for some minor infraction.

The guy on one side was concerned that he should have beam-benders on his headlights, and the woman on the other side was convinced she needed speed limit signs, like 50, 70, 80 on the back of her caravan. They were both struggling to deal with the anxiety. 

My reality has been that in 15 or so trips, over 40 years, the only time I've interacted with the French police was to report something stolen / lost. We had a crazy situation after a Bastille day firework display, where there were 1000s of people trying to leave at the same time late at night. There were quite a few police standing in the middle of junctions blowing whistles and gesticulating wildly trying to control the traffic, with most drivers totally ignoring them. 

At least a third of the British registered cars I see near the ports don't even bother with a UK sticker. 

Like you I've done things that surprise people much younger than me. We picked up a new caravan about 500 miles away, just before a storm last year. When we realised how bad it was going to be, with police advice not to drive, never mind tow a big square box, we found a sheltered campsite and settled down. I had something important on at home, left my wife with the caravan, took a train to London and caught a flight from Heathrow to our local airport to get there. I then did it in reverse 2 days later. People I told simply couldn't believe that I had made that level of effort to get there. 

Having lived and travelled through Europe I find the tension of others is often seen to increase the closer you get to the channel ports. In most areas nobody cares.

As with all of this there are variables you can control and perhaps you might have some obligations that you need to meet but surely the point about retiring is that you receive your self from obligations and have freedom to go with the flow.

Perhaps my most enlightening thought is knowing what your daily income allowance might be, like a cricket run rate, eg if you have £18250 after fixed deductions then you can spend £50 per day, everyday, without worry.

If you underspend then you build a buffer and have freedom to spend more on a splurge. 🤩

If you overspend then you need to adjust your spending or worst case generate more income.

I feel that if you are always concerned about overspending then you will never have true freedom.🫩