One for the ladies

Emmia

kimwp said:

Cobbler_tone said:

Pollycat said:

If I was in the OP's position, I would skip the engagement and have a low key wedding ceremony.

This is what we are doing but the cost can still creep up. With the rings (£1,700) I think it is costing around £3,500 to just have 5 people we want there and a nice meal afterwards. Definitely a marriage to make the admin easier and most importantly to protect one another financially, with pensions etc. I guess in the world of weddings it is still low cost, especially for the protection it gives us....and I'm sure we'll have a lovely day.
The registrar said it is VERY common for couples to get married after many years for this purpose.

What?! Rings don't have to be expensive ones and you can host a meal at your house - or not have a celebration meal. A wedding can cost less than £200, anything more is what you decide to spend.

I have to agree - it is possible to buy a "bridal set" i.e. wedding and engagement rings for about £35 from Argos. Admittedly it's silver and CZ though.

Pollycat

Cobbler_tone said:

Pollycat said:

If I was in the OP's position, I would skip the engagement and have a low key wedding ceremony.

This is what we are doing but the cost can still creep up. With the rings (£1,700) I think it is costing around £3,500 to just have 5 people we want there and a nice meal afterwards. Definitely a marriage to make the admin easier and most importantly to protect one another financially, with pensions etc. I guess in the world of weddings it is still low cost, especially for the protection it gives us....and I'm sure we'll have a lovely day.
The registrar said it is VERY common for couples to get married after many years for this purpose.

WOW!
That must be some fancy meal.

If it suits you, that's all that matters.
Ditto for the holiday.
Ditto for the engagement ring.

Your money, your choice of priorities.

twopenny

If you already have children and want to get married you should know your girlfriend really well.
Women often hint about what they would like but men don't pick up hnts easily.

As the holiday can only be taken now I'd go for that and a good ring can come later. 
A proposal in Iceland would be loads of brownie points. Have something pretty and cheap with an IOU for something better if she would like it. 

An expensive ring? Does she like the expensive stuff? She may choose something completely different to what you think is right.
If she's dealing with small children something simple at the moment is possibly better. A more expensive eternity ring later 

Cobbler_tone

Pollycat said:

Cobbler_tone said:

Pollycat said:

If I was in the OP's position, I would skip the engagement and have a low key wedding ceremony.

This is what we are doing but the cost can still creep up. With the rings (£1,700) I think it is costing around £3,500 to just have 5 people we want there and a nice meal afterwards. Definitely a marriage to make the admin easier and most importantly to protect one another financially, with pensions etc. I guess in the world of weddings it is still low cost, especially for the protection it gives us....and I'm sure we'll have a lovely day.
The registrar said it is VERY common for couples to get married after many years for this purpose.

WOW!
That must be some fancy meal.

If it suits you, that's all that matters.
Ditto for the holiday.
Ditto for the engagement ring.

Your money, your choice of priorities.

Three parents, a sister and bro-in-law plus us. £80 a head for a nice wedding meal x7. £42 each to register notice, £350 for the ceremony room, i.e. you cannot get a space to host anything larger than just two witnesses without paying. Paying for transport for all guests as our parents are elderly. The rings are because they are what we liked and (god forbid) it isn't purely transactional. Nice outfits etc. 
No flowers etc and we aren't even telling anyone beyond the attendees.
Granted, you can get married a lot cheaper but I don't have to spend £140 a week at Waitrose either....so I think it just demonstrates (as you alluded) how people use money differently and some wouldn't bat an eyelid at spending £5k+ on a holiday. I wouldn't dream of paying £4 for a Costa coffee but will pay £30k for a car....we all have a different relationship with our money.

The one thing that surprised me is that we are having to get married in a different district as neither of the two towns we wanted to get married in had availability until next April. A popular pastime.

Username03725

you can sometimes see the Northern Lights in Scotland.

Also as far south as Buckingham not so long ago, where the main standout of the whole show was how poor they look unless viewed through a phone camera or similar - it's to do with the difference between your eyes and the camera sensor.

Personally I'd separate the two - propose, and have a trip as another Big Thing you've done together at a later date. Subject to the solar system not imploding there's plenty of time to see the lights; proposal and engagement are a comparatively more pressing matter. 

* bloke here so clearly talking out of turn

kimwp

A friend went to see the northern lights, they could barely see anything. Their tour guide said to take a picture as it would show up better. The result was a little green smudge on the photo. Definitely plan to do other things while you are there.

Emmia

kimwp said:

A friend went to see the northern lights, they could barely see anything. Their tour guide said to take a picture as it would show up better. The result was a little green smudge on the photo. Definitely plan to do other things while you are there.

I agree - in reality I found the lights were a sort of smudgy purply mist. The amazing colours only come out in photos.

There is plenty to do in Iceland, especially if you like geology, hot springs and things like that 

Spendless

Username03725 said:

you can sometimes see the Northern Lights in Scotland.

Also as far south as Buckingham not so long ago, where the main standout of the whole show was how poor they look unless viewed through a phone camera or similar - it's to do with the difference between your eyes and the camera sensor.

Personally I'd separate the two - propose, and have a trip as another Big Thing you've done together at a later date. Subject to the solar system not imploding there's plenty of time to see the lights; proposal and engagement are a comparatively more pressing matter. 

* bloke here so clearly talking out of turn

Due to the OP having children and only ageing grandparents able to take them overnight, the trip is more time limited to go, unless children are taken on the trip. The engagement/wedding otoh can happen whenever.

As an example of when youre reliant on an older generation to help out, at the point I had eldest we had several grandparents/great grandparents with a mix of full, semi retired and still working.

3 years on, when I had youngest, 2 of the fully retired had suffered from health issues which required ops and never returned to full health. A sibling had had twins and the still working and semi retired had to juggle their schedule around to help out.

Before my youngest was an adult (and therefore old enough to leave), 1 grandparent had died, 1 was in a care home with dementia, 1 had had a stroke and needed carers, 1 was by now very elderly (late 90s). You can see that leaving kids with relatives overnight wasnt really feasible for us as they grew and you wait a long time for them.to be 18 so you can go just as a couple away again. 

ChadValley

I find a lot of people only accept advice when it agrees with their own apinion.

Pollycat

ChadValley said:

I find a lot of people only accept advice when it agrees with their own apinion.

Sometimes people give advice when it's not asked for and often not welcome.

In this case the OP asked for advice.
It's up to them what they do with the advice